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Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

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Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#41

Post by theGeatZhopa »

_carbyau_ wrote: post #31
sacrosancty wrote: post #19

Just a suggestion, but if your relationship with your wife depends on your personal circumstances and mood, then it sounds not very strong. Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better. I'm not talking about random activities like going to the b…

Lines you won't see on a gravestone: "I wish I had worked more." "I wish I had a less meaningful relationship with my wife."

… I wish I was little bit taller

I wish I was a baller

I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat, And a six four Impala

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#42

Post by creakingstairs »

sokoloff wrote: post #38
Kaibeezy wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Doesn’t the Venn diagram look like: (remote (Sweden)) ... or am I unclear on “remote” or “Sweden”?

It costs employers money and complexity to open up remote hiring of employees in a new jurisdiction. If Sweden isn’t a very big market or Sweden is a difficult market from a legal perspective, even remote companies may not be able to hire there. As an example, I’d have to look, but I think it’s only quite recently that I’ve been able to hire in Sweden, 2 years after being remote. I know I couldn’t last year, but we c…

You could always be an independent contractor instead of being an employee. That way it reduces the hurdle for hiring. I'm technically a contractor atm, but get treated like an employee. You of course don't get the same legal protections or some benefits but you can charge more instead :)

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#43

Post by Aperocky »

ungamedplayer wrote: post #39
_carbyau_ wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lines you won't see on a gravestone: "I wish I had worked more." "I wish I had a less meaningful relationship with my wife."

Along with "npm install ..."

The grave isn't big enough.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#44

Post by lovich »

asdev wrote: post #35
qq66 wrote: post #23

"Series D startup" may be a very bad place to be very soon. Keep grinding LeetCode.

you're probably from the "work harder not smarter" school of thought

And presumably you are from the “stonks only go up” crowd?

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#45

Post by sokoloff »

creakingstairs wrote: post #42
sokoloff wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It costs employers money and complexity to open up remote hiring of employees in a new jurisdiction. If Sweden isn’t a very big market or Sweden is a difficult market from a legal perspective, even remote companies may not be able to hire there. As an example, I’d have to look, but I think it’s only quite recently that I’ve been able to hire in Sweden, 2 years after being remote. I know I couldn’t last year, but we c…

You could always be an independent contractor instead of being an employee. That way it reduces the hurdle for hiring. I'm technically a contractor atm, but get treated like an employee. You of course don't get the same legal protections or some benefits but you can charge more instead :)

Even there, we’d have to understand if that arrangement is commonly viewed as legal in the country of residence. (My understanding is that it’s not legal in all countries [including my own] just because you say and I agree that you’re a contractor, if there are additional facts and circumstances tests to decide the “proper” treatment.)

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#46

Post by brailsafe »

philliphaydon wrote: post #40
3qz wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> if they are just a number doing boring work and hate their job and have no impact This is almost every job. You might as well get paid fairly for it.

I would rather get paid less and enjoy my job than wake and not want to get out of bed. But that’s just me. Only live once so want to enjoy life.

It's easier to make that decision if you've already made a bunch of money. Pretty hard to do that if you have no money.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#47

Post by em-bee »

s1artibartfast wrote: post #25
sacrosancty wrote: post #19

Just a suggestion, but if your relationship with your wife depends on your personal circumstances and mood, then it sounds not very strong. Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better. I'm not talking about random activities like going to the b…

It is pretty normal for poor mental health to take a toll on relationships. Sometimes the problem really is that simple. But with that said, it is always a good time to work on yourself and relationships.

it shouldn't have to be normal. ideally your partner is supporting you especially in times like this. you should be able to share with your wife what OP shared with HN. if he had, the result might have been to not only get a new job but get a job in a different location, with a new, bigger house. it's more work to pull that off, and not something they could have done while the relationship is sour, but possible if they work together.

big life decisions should never be made alone. OP came here to help make his decision, which is better than deciding all by himself but consulting with his wife would have been better still.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#49

Post by 3qz »

em-bee wrote: post #47
s1artibartfast wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is pretty normal for poor mental health to take a toll on relationships. Sometimes the problem really is that simple. But with that said, it is always a good time to work on yourself and relationships.

it shouldn't have to be normal. ideally your partner is supporting you especially in times like this. you should be able to share with your wife what OP shared with HN. if he had, the result might have been to not only get a new job but get a job in a different location, with a new, bigger house. it's more work to pull that off, and not something they could have done while the relationship is sour, but possible if th…

> ideally your partner is supporting you

In reality she will leave you for a guy who isn’t so miserable all the time.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#50

Post by em-bee »

lumost wrote: post #28
s1artibartfast wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is pretty normal for poor mental health to take a toll on relationships. Sometimes the problem really is that simple. But with that said, it is always a good time to work on yourself and relationships.

Shameless plus one, I’ve been with my wife for 10 years - when we’re both happy as individuals were happy as a couple. Sometimes people just need to do the hard work of finding happiness on their own. Someone else can’t make you feel happy with your career.

partners should support each other, especially through trying times. but your happiness should not only depend on your partner. if it does then any problem in the relationship can quickly spiral into something unfixable.

on the other hand, being individually happy is not enough. if your partnership does not add anything to your happiness then you are more like roommates.

you are fortunate until now, but i would not rely on being able to keep that going without your partners help. you say you are happy as a couple when you are happy individually, but there is more to a relationship than just your individual happiness.

i would investigate how your relationship is really doing. is your wife as happy as you are? how would you deal with difficult times as a couple? what might happen if your work changed and you no longer feel happy there?

how are you supporting each other?

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