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Making friends on the internet

jon.bo

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Re: Making friends on the internet

#41

Post by caymanjim »

avgDev wrote: post #14

The problem with Twitter, and other social media where people use their real name and photo is that in fact people are NEVER going to be themselves. People want to show their best to the world. I don't want to meet 'Yes' friends or 'always positive' friends. Social media is fake. There is no way around it. LinkedIn is fake and disgusting, looking at my feed for a second when I'm responding to recruiters makes me want…

Is this really any different from other social interactions? We all have different selves we present to our families, coworkers, social club associates, exercise groups, bar buddies, significant others. Your comment seems to imply that there's a binary "real person" and "Twitter person", and it's never been that simple. We wear many hats and many faces. All social interaction is compartmentalized.

Re: Making friends on the internet

#43

Post by avgDev »

rejectfinite wrote: post #37
jfim wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The problem with Twitter, and other social media where people use their real name and photo is that in fact people are NEVER going to be themselves. People want to show their best to the world. The currently trending social media app for younger generations is BeReal, which basically prompts everyone to take a selfie at the same time of the day, with a two minute timer to do so. No filters, and it shows the image f…

> The currently trending social media app for younger generations is BeReal Never heard this in my entire life. And it would just be mu computer screen and my face.

SQL tables/crappy code and my sad face.

Re: Making friends on the internet

#44

Post by andrewmcwatters »

I feel like the structures engineers design in the tech world sort of work against making friends in some ways by emphasizing certain aspects of the software we use away from people. lin83's comment here about enforced behaviors rings true to me.

My experience with the regression of social interaction enforced by software is the lack of server browsers in video games. Matchmaking is such crap. Kids don't even really get to experience local multiplayer, but to make things worse, you can't often find servers online and establish making yourself a regular with some people on a dedicated server much anymore.

Re: Making friends on the internet

#45

Post by TrevorJ »

celdon25 wrote: post #18
avgDev wrote: post #14

The problem with Twitter, and other social media where people use their real name and photo is that in fact people are NEVER going to be themselves. People want to show their best to the world. I don't want to meet 'Yes' friends or 'always positive' friends. Social media is fake. There is no way around it. LinkedIn is fake and disgusting, looking at my feed for a second when I'm responding to recruiters makes me want…

> The only 'REAL" people I met online were either focused niche/small subreddits or gaming communities. I've found gaming communities (and I've been in many) to be excessively toxic. You can meet good people there, but I've found it's not worth the headache.

Really depends on the type of game. Niche minecraft servers often have great communities. Small games that aren't PVP focused can be great. FFXIV has some great communities as well. It's definitely out there, but you gotta know where to look.

Re: Making friends on the internet

#46

Post by bluefirebrand »

andrewmcwatters wrote: post #44

I feel like the structures engineers design in the tech world sort of work against making friends in some ways by emphasizing certain aspects of the software we use away from people. lin83's comment here about enforced behaviors rings true to me. My experience with the regression of social interaction enforced by software is the lack of server browsers in video games. Matchmaking is such crap. Kids don't even really…

At one point in time, MMOs were considered very social, since all interactions had to basically be done in person via chatting.

Nowadays you just hop in the dungeon finder, get hucked in with some random people who may not even be from your server but only from your sata center, who you will never see again.

The social aspect of games really has diminished.

Re: Making friends on the internet

#48

Post by sneak »

djhworld wrote: post #38

One thing I really miss about the modern web is forums. I'm in my 30s now but grew up on the web, from 1998 - so not exactly an old timer but enough to ride the wave of web 1.0 -> 2.0. I made loads of friends on forums in those days. Sadly most of those forums died off as time has gone by. One still exists though but there's only a handful of us left, it's extremely rare to get a new member. I know these days everyon…

I run a forum for exactly this reason. Small communities are the way forward.

You (or anyone reading this) can find it in my profile.

Re: Making friends on the internet

#49

Post by robocat »

avgDev wrote: post #14

The problem with Twitter, and other social media where people use their real name and photo is that in fact people are NEVER going to be themselves. People want to show their best to the world. I don't want to meet 'Yes' friends or 'always positive' friends. Social media is fake. There is no way around it. LinkedIn is fake and disgusting, looking at my feed for a second when I'm responding to recruiters makes me want…

> I have not been able to connect with anyone like this IRL

Perhaps learn to be non-judgemental, and learn to show that too. Social status signalling and ranking prevents most people from being honest. To learn how you could try: (1) to have friends that are non-judgemental and model your behaviour from them, (2) hang out in places where status is less important and honesty is more valued. This has worked for me, even though I am not a good listener and have some other social deficits. Note that it is very tricky to train yourself to be non-judgemental: our social ranking and signalling is hidden from ourselves in so many of our behaviours.

Re: Making friends on the internet

#50

Post by rchaud »

caymanjim wrote: post #41
avgDev wrote: post #14

The problem with Twitter, and other social media where people use their real name and photo is that in fact people are NEVER going to be themselves. People want to show their best to the world. I don't want to meet 'Yes' friends or 'always positive' friends. Social media is fake. There is no way around it. LinkedIn is fake and disgusting, looking at my feed for a second when I'm responding to recruiters makes me want…

Is this really any different from other social interactions? We all have different selves we present to our families, coworkers, social club associates, exercise groups, bar buddies, significant others. Your comment seems to imply that there's a binary "real person" and "Twitter person", and it's never been that simple. We wear many hats and many faces. All social interaction is compartmentalized.

The difference is in orders of magnitude. The term 'breaking bread" comes to mind. People have been sharing meals and playing games with each other since time immemorial, because you can see their personality shine through in real time in doing activities together, than you can via simple correspondence where people can collect their thoughts and put forward the personality they want to simulate online.

IRL you can't fake it forever.

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