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When families un-adopt a child (2018)

theatlantic.com

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Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#41

Post by brabel »

dymk wrote: post #14
gene91 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What’s the alternative? I assume that you’re not suggesting that one signs up for adoption and gets assigned a random child. So the alternative is agents with access to the inventory (children) and clients (potential parents). I don’t understand why that’s better than letting clients browsing inventory by themselves.

Referring to children as "inventory" is implies all sorts of negative things. Adoption isn't the same as a transaction where you peruse the "inventory" for a new hot tub or something. Those interested in adoption should be _so_ interested, that they're willing to go meet in-person with an agency who can introduce them to the children.

> Those interested in adoption should be _so_ interested

That's what everyone would like... except that even if they are sloppy (not saying that they are) there's still a lot of children that are never going to be adopted. Do you believe that's better? Spoiler: it's not, because you're making sure most children will have a disfunctional adult life (growing up without a family is extremely hard) instead of allowing more children to live a normal life, but with the increased probability of a few living with bad parents (the number of cases where that's worse than no family at all is probably very small).

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#42

Post by 999900000999 »

haolez wrote: post #34
999900000999 wrote: post #28

Doesn't surprise me at all. My dad's wife hated me, so I got kicked out at 15. Didn't stop my Dad from showing up at school and my job to threaten me. The joys of adulthood, I deal with my horrible family when I want to. If you gave a bad family, it's imperative you estrange yourself. In my 20s I made the mistake of trusting these disgusting people. Of course they lied to my face, stabbed me in the back, and asked me…

Consider going to therapy. Sometimes, the scars are not as deep as you initially thought. Your story seems similar to my wife's, especially the part about being tricked into debt. We've managed to clear things up after many years of she and her brothers struggling. Good luck!

Glad therapy worked for your wife.

My Dad simply used it as another venue to threaten me.

I'm always going to be a bit messed up. It's not really something I want to fix, if I could.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#44

Post by brabel »

ars wrote: post #9
tpmx wrote: post #5

I just can't get over the fact that it's somehow legal in the US to advertise young children for adoption on the (public) web, complete with portrait photos and descriptions of their personalities and backgrounds.

This is not unique to the US. For example https://www.rainbowkids.com/international-adoption/eastern-e... Just search for photolisting you'll find it all over the place.

Russia and Ukraine have a terrible problem with orphans.

Here's an example from Ukraine: https://deti.zp.ua/eng/list.php?keyword=sirot_net (if you find the US sites shocking, pls don't visit this).

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#45

Post by gambiting »

ratww wrote: post #30
ftyers wrote: post #4

I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…

There is a link on the article that provides a few more details. https://wiaa.org/child/reese-placed/ > This is a child with no special needs but wants to be in a family who goes to church. She loves to sing praise songs and read her Bible. She and her parents want her to be in a family that does this. She gets along with everyone and has no major behavioral problems. Her parents want her to be in a family that is in…

That's still crazy. A 10 year old's opinion on this should be humoured, but not to the extent where they put her up for adoption.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#46

Post by in_cahoots »

hn_throwaway_99 wrote: post #32

I went and googled the advertising page of the second chance adoption agency discussed in this article, and it's just heartbreaking. On one hand, I really can't imagine what these "parents" were thinking adopting these children in the first place - the reasons for rehoming go from "major lifelong medical care required" to "child doesn't get along with his siblings" - but, in any case, doesn't seem like many of the is…

Looking at the children up for adoption today, a large portion seem to come from families with many other siblings. Who would have thought that children with special needs require dedicated attention?!

The other thing I was surprised to see is how many of these kids ‘love Jesus’ and want to go to a traditional (i.e. straight Christian) family. I would think that any loving family is better than being unwanted, regardless of their religion and genders.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#47

Post by curioussavage »

kingcharles wrote: post #26
Borrible wrote: post #17

Every offer finds a demand. https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1

Wow. It is alarmingly easy to offload your child. People are adopting children because they look cute without understanding why the child was available for adoption in the first place. Usually it is because they have such deep mental health problems that they need a very time-consuming and expensive amount of care to bring their quality of life up to something reasonable. It's very sad for these children, and it's no…

It is terrible. My parents were foster parents to two girls at different times. One was from a foreign country and had been previously adopted. A history of abuse and fetal alcohol syndrome meant lots of behavioral issues. We ended up all getting locks on our bedroom doors. It was extremely stressful and gives me some sympathy for the family that originally adopted her. Goes without saying that the kids get worst part of the deal. In those two cases they both ended up in group homes. The article mentions the foreign agency being honest but in this case the adoptive parents were lied to about the child’s condition

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#48

Post by istjohn »

Permit wrote: post #36
rayiner wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Quoted post unavailable.

What an unusually low-value comment from an otherwise high-value commenter. Do you take issue with the label “child free” or with the fact that some couples would prefer not to have children? Or maybe with the idea that an organization advocates for these people?

It's silly for people who've decided they don't want to be parents to then style themselves as marginalized and build an identity around opposition to their imagined persecution. There's nothing wrong with not reproducing, but really you have more in common with parents of one child than they have in common with parents of six children.

I don't have any pets. Do I need a special interest group?

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#49

Post by pvaldes »

hn_throwaway_99 wrote: post #32

I went and googled the advertising page of the second chance adoption agency discussed in this article, and it's just heartbreaking. On one hand, I really can't imagine what these "parents" were thinking adopting these children in the first place - the reasons for rehoming go from "major lifelong medical care required" to "child doesn't get along with his siblings" - but, in any case, doesn't seem like many of the is…

> Doesn't seem like many of the issues would have been unknown

You would be surprised of how dishonest, abusive and manipulative can be the adopting programs.

I know the case of a Spanish couple without children that adopted a Chinese girl baby. Some time later they discovered in a routinely health check (in Spain) that the girl has Down's syndrome, a fact that was know obviously but carefully hidden by the Chinese authorities.

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