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Unlearning perfectionism

arunkprasad.com

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Re: Unlearning perfectionism

#41

Post by peoplefromibiza »

thenerdhead wrote: post #2

I'm a recovering perfectionist who has read their fair share of Brene Brown, Steven Pressfield, Seth Godin, Tony Robbins, Anne Lamott, and many more. The best metaphors I've read is in Bird by Bird. The author describes two different scenarios. The first is that perfection & progress is much like driving late at night with headlights. You will only be able to see as far as your headlights allow. You might be going th…

> The first is that perfection & progress is much like driving late at night with headlights. You will only be able to see as far as your headlights allow.

that's all you need to drive ar night though (and driving in general)

if you drive looking around you, you can become a danger for yourself and others.

What I mean is that perfectionism is doing things the right way and make the best out of the limits you encounter.

I feel like many confuse perfectionism with obsession.

Perfectionism = not bad

Obsession = bad

Re: Unlearning perfectionism

#42

Post by hutzlibu »

peoplefromibiza wrote: post #41
thenerdhead wrote: post #2

I'm a recovering perfectionist who has read their fair share of Brene Brown, Steven Pressfield, Seth Godin, Tony Robbins, Anne Lamott, and many more. The best metaphors I've read is in Bird by Bird. The author describes two different scenarios. The first is that perfection & progress is much like driving late at night with headlights. You will only be able to see as far as your headlights allow. You might be going th…

> The first is that perfection & progress is much like driving late at night with headlights. You will only be able to see as far as your headlights allow. that's all you need to drive ar night though (and driving in general) if you drive looking around you, you can become a danger for yourself and others. What I mean is that perfectionism is doing things the right way and make the best out of the limits you encounte…

"I feel like many confuse perfectionism with obsession.

Perfectionism = not bad

Obsession = bad "

It just depends how you define terms. What most people here mean with perfectionism, would be probably a obsession with perfectionism under your terms.

I am also fine with my perfectionism, after I learned the concept of "good enough".

Re: Unlearning perfectionism

#43

Post by boh »

Perfectionist is an overindulgent term that fails to capture the experience of its debased realities. Dealing with perfectionists you never see an attempt at perfection as much as you see neurosis and control issues. "Perfection" is a fake endeavor with no contingent expression that can even verify its attainment. The concept of perfection is dehumanizing and anyone attempting to have it materialize keeps themselves stuck in a false reality that plays exclusively in their own imagination. To be seduced into the perfectionist narrative is to be subject to a fantasy that can do as much to paralyze an endeavor as much as it purports to cultivate it.

Re: Unlearning perfectionism

#44

Post by peoplefromibiza »

gridspy wrote: post #28
Mazgas wrote: post #25

I kind of wish I could train myself to be a bit more towards perfectionism than I am. I know it is a different problem than y'all are having, but sometimes it feels that when everyone is stressed about a project I am the only one laid back like "it will work, even if we're a little late" or, which is worse, "readers will point out a mistake if we missed it on the overview". I call it "community feedback", but others…

Real perfectionism doesn't mean you do perfect work. It means you never (or rarely) ship, or perhaps never start. You don't ask for help, you feel anxious about perceptions. You reduce the scope until a task is trivial, or increase it until it is impossible. In both cases you give the job up as worthless or unreachable. You don't want perfectionism. > "It will work, even if we're a little late" We should all aspire t…

there is no such a thing as "real perfectionism"

perfectionism, like many other behavioral styles, is a spectrum

Most of the "perfectionists" are people that simply care a lot more than the average about details, not sociopaths.

Katsuhiro Otomo is a perfectionist, but he also enjoys his life and creating his art.

p.s. perfectionists most of the time acknowledge that thinks will work anyway, they simply also believe (and rightly so) that things could be better than they currently are. Most of the times they also know that perfection (or an incarnation of it) takes a lot of time.

We only talk about the extreme cases because of survival bias: they are the ones who will make extreme sacrifices, while the others will give up on perfection sooner or later, because they are not actually obsessed with it.

Re: Unlearning perfectionism

#45

Post by the_arun »

onion_knight wrote: post #4

Mental health issues too often remain untreated among high-achievers who are able to maintain a surface appearance of holding it together. It's a good trend that nowadays we feel able to talk more openly about struggles like this. I see myself in this article but for me, the word that was the key to find resources to get better was the broader acronym RNT, "Repetitive negative thoughts". Perfectionism themes are one…

Regarding negative thoughts - I escape them thinking we all are temporary. People around us forget/forgive the unconscious mistakes we do. So we too need to ignore them for greater good of tomorrow.

Re: Unlearning perfectionism

#46

Post by peoplefromibiza »

hutzlibu wrote: post #42
peoplefromibiza wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The first is that perfection & progress is much like driving late at night with headlights. You will only be able to see as far as your headlights allow. that's all you need to drive ar night though (and driving in general) if you drive looking around you, you can become a danger for yourself and others. What I mean is that perfectionism is doing things the right way and make the best out of the limits you encounte…

"I feel like many confuse perfectionism with obsession. Perfectionism = not bad Obsession = bad " It just depends how you define terms. What most people here mean with perfectionism, would be probably a obsession with perfectionism under your terms. I am also fine with my perfectionism, after I learned the concept of "good enough".

> It just depends how you define terms

It only depends on where you are in the spectrum

Everyone is a perfectionist in something, but only someone is obsessed with perfectionism to the point it becomes bad for you.

That's what usually people think about when they talk about perfectionism, but that's the worst case scenario.

Re: Unlearning perfectionism

#47

Post by nickvec »

As someone with diagnosed OCD, this is a great article.

I'm glad CBT and mindfulness is coming more to light, because it really did change my life. I no longer let my thoughts control me, but rather, I control my thoughts.

Re: Unlearning perfectionism

#48

Post by projektfu »

From my experience, I wonder how much "perfectionism" is itself the self-deception to cope with an executive function disorder. Most narratives of perfectionism start with the person having unrealistic outcome and that leads to procrastination, difficulty starting, etc. I wonder if it is likely that the problem is an inability to get started and stay on task, and then the person does a 180 and tells themself that they just can't get started the right way, or it wasn't going to be perfect, and so they abandoned the task.

Re: Unlearning perfectionism

#50

Post by waingake »

If you enjoyed this I'd recommend Simone De Beauvoir's book; The ethics of ambiguity. It's short and accessible and describes a number of character traits, which hinder personal and collective freedom, focusing on the outcome of projects rather than the ongoing process is discussed, but additionally she wraps an ethical framework around these discussions so that it becomes more about how to live in general.
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