An excellent post that illustrates a common problem of perception. For those questioning some of the statements being made I just wanted to point out that the storyteller is probably engaging in hyperbole in order to help bake her point clear and persuasive.
Red Light Green Light
41–50 of 169 posts
Re: Red Light Green Light
#42The book "Difficult Conversations" coauthored by Sheila Heen and referenced here is an incredible read. If the OP is interesting, I highly recommend you read the book. It seems it was written for people with analytical minds. I have memorized the steps and am in the process of internalizing the self awareness required to be effective in this area. Hard but seems really worth it.
Re: Red Light Green Light
#43It's weird it took her so long to realize what was happening - I knew as soon as I read the first paragraph what was going on. I suppose it's because I am younger (and thus have memories of being a kid) and was rather short as a kid, so I know what sorts of limited visibility you can have as a kid, and more recently I'm also used to driving at confusing intersections where it's not clear which light applies.
That's funny since I am older, and I sat in the front seat of the car my entire childhood; there were no car seats. When my mother had to make a sudden stop she'd hold out her arm to keep me in place. I remember being dazzled by the arrival of a light with 5 signals (yellow and green arrow and circle) and begging to stay in the intersection to watch them all cycle.
Re: Red Light Green Light
#44Similar things happen surprisingly often in companies. Many intense arguments can be diffused by first being specific about what we agree upon. Just to add to this, one strategy from the rationalist community that I rarely see practiced is to 'taboo' certain words. For example if two engineers are arguing about a solution not being scalable, taboo the word scalable. They both re-explain their POV without using the wo…
I wish it was a common practice to ban certain words from difficult conversations. But whenever I suggest it people just talk past me as though I've said some weird thing.
There's facts and opinions, but also definitions, and too often disagreements boil down to a different definition of a single word. Ban that word and say what you mean and the disagreement may suddenly be gone.
Edit: I wrote this before reading the second paragraph. :) I'll leave it as an alternate way of saying the same.
Let me ask, has anyone successfully "tabooed" certain words, or do people not understand the purpose of doing so?
Re: Red Light Green Light
#45[deleted]
Re: Red Light Green Light
#46It's weird it took her so long to realize what was happening - I knew as soon as I read the first paragraph what was going on. I suppose it's because I am younger (and thus have memories of being a kid) and was rather short as a kid, so I know what sorts of limited visibility you can have as a kid, and more recently I'm also used to driving at confusing intersections where it's not clear which light applies.
Your comment was the top one and it encouraged me to just click through to the article and... I just don't get it after the first paragraph. Indeed, colour blindness? But that doesn't make you "know" it wrong, that makes you not be able to tell (afaik). So then... the kid was either joking, had learned it the wrong way around, or tied the name 'red' to the bottom position perhaps. ... turns out it's a localization pr…
I'm not sure if you caught this or not, but I think the actual key to the story is that the child in the rear seat of the car and looking out the side window at the light for the stopped crossing traffic. Unfortunately for the anecdote, the "rear seat" part isn't mentioned until the 4th paragraph: "So I was in the back seat sitting next to Ben".
I think the issue is that in the US, all children below some age must be in a car seat, and in some US states, that car seat must be in the back of the car. The author presumed that by mentioning her son was 3 at the time, that her audience would automatically understand that he was in the rear of the car. Even as an American, I didn't.
I think it would make a better story if this was made explicit.
Re: Red Light Green Light
#47Earlier quoted context omitted.
I also stay away from second person: "what led to you thinking that?" -> "what led to that thought?" My preferred version: "what was the motivation for choosing that?". It's especially helpful on a team working with legacy software. Because the root cause can sometimes be a historic team decision, no longer attributable to anyone on the current team. Where "led you" can result in the "oh it wasn't my idea" responses,…
>what was the motivation for choosing that?". That had the second person in it, it's just obfuscated with less-than-clear language. "The motivation" belongs to, and is exclusively controlled by, the second person.
> That had the second person in it,
It can have* the second person in it. It's up to the otherperson if they want to answer in with their motivation, or the team's motivation, or explain that they weren't told the motivation by .
It gives me a lot of information about the person answering, and the problem at hand. For example, if it was a team motivation I can follow with "and what are your thoughts on it?". If it was "my motivation" I can follow with "and what does the team / think of it?". If they don't know the motivation, I can follow with "Who can we talk to, to find the motivation?" help them learn this is an important part of being a great software engineer.
Anyways, it's just my preference, regardless if it "technically" has the second person in it. Your milage may vary.
Re: Red Light Green Light
#48Earlier quoted context omitted.
Your comment was the top one and it encouraged me to just click through to the article and... I just don't get it after the first paragraph. Indeed, colour blindness? But that doesn't make you "know" it wrong, that makes you not be able to tell (afaik). So then... the kid was either joking, had learned it the wrong way around, or tied the name 'red' to the bottom position perhaps. ... turns out it's a localization pr…
I'm not sure if you caught this or not, but I think the actual key to the story is that the child in the rear seat of the car and looking out the side window at the light for the stopped crossing traffic. Unfortunately for the anecdote, the "rear seat" part isn't mentioned until the 4th paragraph: "So I was in the back seat sitting next to Ben". I think the issue is that in the US, all children below some age must be…
You ever seen a 3 year old in the front seat?
Re: Red Light Green Light
#49For those interested in this, you may also enjoy exploring the field of General Semantics: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLaoJIXlyLvLkMQUtbiTi1...
Re: Red Light Green Light
#50It's weird it took her so long to realize what was happening - I knew as soon as I read the first paragraph what was going on. I suppose it's because I am younger (and thus have memories of being a kid) and was rather short as a kid, so I know what sorts of limited visibility you can have as a kid, and more recently I'm also used to driving at confusing intersections where it's not clear which light applies.
wow, I am exactly opposite. I didnt realize until I read the full story. I am in my 40s and didn't have car until I was in my 20s and actually rarely sat in one because of abundant public transport at the place where I grew up.