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Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

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Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#41

Post by earthboundkid »

askhn000 wrote: post #4
sp332 wrote: post #2

What is the pressure from exactly? She either hits the milestones "on time" or she doesn't. There's not much you can do about it at the time. My wife and I watch our daughter change and try to map changes to milestones, but we're just marveling and along for the ride.

The pressure is from discerning whether we as parents are doing all we can and providing the right resources, environment, etc for her to reach milestones. For example, behind on nonverbal communications? Have we been gesturing enough, demonstrating enough? Are we doing wrong when we leave her in the pack and play for a bit while getting work done? It seems impossible to know.

What bad thing will happen if you don’t provide the right resources?

At the end of the day, you have to decide what a good life is and help the, achieve that. If you think a good life requires getting into the “right” school and the “right” job, etc., you may need to figure it out more before trying to get someone else’s life on track.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#42

Post by alfor »

No screens, only play with physical toys and play with people. You will be the 1% Also play outside in nature, in the dirt as much as possible.

Have fun, play, forget the metrics unless there is a obvious problem to watch.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#43

Post by nefitty »

gumby wrote: post #20
nefitty wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is reassuring. I don't have kids, but I'm already stressed out about not messing up my potential future children. On the same note, to paraphrase Penn & Teller, anyone who feels compelled to obsess over their child's development is probably going to do fine, by virtue of their concern. Kids just need you to love and care for them, the best you can, not perfectly.

> I don't have kids, but I'm already stressed out about not messing up my potential future children. People are full of unasked advice* (esp but not only relatives). If you read a bunch of books you'll find they offer opposite advice. So we found it handy when someone said "oh you must do X and stop doing Y" we learnt to say, "Funny you should say that because book Z said the opposite!" Eventually we realized you did…

Not specifically an ask, but always open to thoughts :)

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#44

Post by pkrotich »

Einstein allegedly didn’t talk full sentences until he was 5 years old … I wonder how freaked out his parents were or rather would be in this day and age!

Admittedly it’s hard not to track milestones as a parent; either out of paranoia or healthy curiosity.

I’ve had 5 children and each one of them developed at their own pace but that didn’t stop me from googling and checking milestones. I was able to trace my “fear” to seeing my grandma selflessly raise a mentally disabled cousin in an environment with zero support… and it took a toll on her. I remember thinking I don’t want to have children because I was “sure” I’ll be in the same position. I’ve obviously had more than a few but the fear never went away!

I’m saying all that to say - healthy curiosity is good and actually needed (I’ve seen parents in denial for example when the child truly need help - e.g speech therapy etc.) But equally important is addressing the source of irrational fears we sometimes carry with us.

PS: As a dev sometimes you can think you can somehow hack your child’s development but biology alway wins! Just keep them safe and watch them blossom.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#45

Post by ImprovedSilence »

askhn000 wrote: post #4
sp332 wrote: post #2

What is the pressure from exactly? She either hits the milestones "on time" or she doesn't. There's not much you can do about it at the time. My wife and I watch our daughter change and try to map changes to milestones, but we're just marveling and along for the ride.

The pressure is from discerning whether we as parents are doing all we can and providing the right resources, environment, etc for her to reach milestones. For example, behind on nonverbal communications? Have we been gesturing enough, demonstrating enough? Are we doing wrong when we leave her in the pack and play for a bit while getting work done? It seems impossible to know.

Sounds like you're worrying about it a lot. Kids can sense stress, they can also sense other emotions, just treat them with love and smile and laugh with them and don't worry if they are a "little behind". They will figure it out eventually. As others have said, kids, even within the same family, learn different stuff and different times and everything is OK.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#46

Post by eyelidlessness »

I’m viewing this from the lens of a person raising a dog for the first time: there are ideals, there are wishes, there are acceptable outcomes and tradeoffs, there are goals, and there are a lot of material realities. A person (in the sense of a living, conscious being) is going to reach all of those, and more.

The best thing that’s happened for me with my pup has been to stop tracking what’s expected and start focusing only on who I know she is and can be. She continually exceeds those expectations.

I know it’s not the same as raising a human child, but I also know I would have benefitted from being raised with that disposition from my parents.

Relax, or try to. Your kid is great. The more she knows you have some trust in that, the more she’ll thrive and grow into herself. And unlike a pup, she’ll be increasingly capable of telling you how she can grow and thrive on top of that.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#49

Post by hbcondo714 »

> reasonable online resources has us tracking development in stints that seem to go about a month each

What resources? A month seems too granular, we were provided these from our pediatrician that have longer milestone ranges (cadence in scrum terms I guess):

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/index.html

https://pathways.org/all-ages/milestones/

https://childmind.org/guide/parents-guide-to-developmental-m...

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#50

Post by hbcondo714 »

muzani wrote: post #23

Most kids grow up fine. Some will be late. My first child didn't start talking until she was about 3. she even stopped a babbling phase around 1. But after 3, she just never stops talking. She couldn't hold a pencil until around 5 or 6, way behind other kids, and now at 9, she draws better than anyone in the family. This is quite common. You have kids who talk and walk late, but they might be strong in other forms. I…

> My first child didn't start talking until she was about 3

Thank you for sharing this. How did you handle being around kids the same age who were talking? My kid is 2 and isn't talking and when his cousin who is 3 months younger started talking, his father asked me how many words my kid says. I locked up and didn't respond. It dawned on me afterwards that there are parents who just don't know about this stuff b/c they don't experience it with their kids. Did you have to deal with this?

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