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What nobody says about startup moms

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Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#41

Post by tstrimple »

bryanrasmussen wrote: post #26
lstodd wrote: post #22

A kid is a startup. Running multiple startups is paralles is inefficient. What else is new?

>A kid is a startup. Running multiple startups is paralles is inefficient. I guess, because if you have two startups of about 6+ years of age you can't just tell them to go to their room and play and leave you alone. hmm, maybe a kid isn't a startup after all.

Honestly if you've been running a startup for 6 years and it falls apart if you aren't directly involved, you haven't built a very stable company. Much like if your six year old can't cope alone in their room without you for a time, you've likely not raised a very stable child. If either requires constant attention, you haven't put the right systems and controls in place.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#42

Post by loceng »

soyou wrote: post #19
loceng wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absence of either is more or less even-equal of a problem: Jordan Peterson and Warren Farrell on The Boy Crisis and Gender Politics - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AA1lR3CC4s

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Would love if you could actually link to evidence of him mocking and saying what you said, and not just linking to an unrelated The Sun article.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#43

Post by jakear »

ravenstine wrote: post #32
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #13

> Everyone knows kids consume your time. But what people without kids may not realize is the extent to which people with kids want their time to be consumed by them. This is one of the hardest parts of parenthood to communicate to non-parents: Yes, children demand a lot of time and attention. However, as a parent you actually enjoy spending that time with your children. To the author's point: Different people will wa…

I think a lot of that comes from parents often expressing all the negatives of parenthood rather than the positives. Even the ones who love spending time with their kids, in my experience, talk more about how much attention the kids need, taking them to school, the diaper changes, the crying, and so on. This isn't to say that all parents are like this; I've met some really passionate parents, and my parents relished…

I think that’s generally true of all descriptions of activities — we simply prefer to list the bad, as commiserating is more socially acceptable than “bragging” about how nice something is. See also: chewing fat over how work sucks rather than how happy you are to be working on interesting stuff, “the ol ball and chain” not how nice it is to have stable relationship, “fucking landlords taking all my money” not convenience of having someone else pay for repairs and assuming risk, etc.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#44

Post by robocat »

anotha1 wrote: post #4
intarga wrote: post #3

What is unacceptable to me is why this question is never asked of Fathers. I don’t think anyone would blink at hearing that a dad only sees his kids on weekends, but is it not just as harmful? Ultimately though, I fail to understand why anyone without the proper time to devote to a child would chose to have one.

Unscientifically, absent mother is seen as worse than absent father. I agree, and will may involuntarily postpone having kids because of that reason alone.

If you would be a good parent and want kids, then I believe the idea of delaying is harmful, especially if you are over say 25.

Trying to set up the perfect nest, or to save "enough", is not a game that most people can win.

At least, the above is from what I have seen of friends that had kids, compared with those that delayed too long.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#45

Post by TchoBeer »

willcipriano wrote: post #17
intergalplan wrote: post #9

> I remember chatting with a woman at a work event one night and asking if she needed to go home soon because of her kids. She replied, “No, I see my kids on weekends.” I couldn’t help but cringe thinking about what it would be like to only see my son on weekends. It seemed horrible! If you work 9-5 (really 8-5 most places) this is basically true anyway. Most of the time you get with them on weekdays may have some qu…

> Ordinary working people don't spend a ton of quality time with their kids during the week. Quality time was a invention of the in-retrospect rather entitled parents of the 1970s who justified their neglect with the idea of "well I don't spend much time with my son but when I do it's quality time!". The truth is kids, particularly young kids just want time. They want to see you around and have you take a active role…

I could just as easily say that quality time is actually a useful metric and as a kid I definitely would've preferred a parent who spends more time with me on the weekends and wasn't "just around". Maybe I could bring a quote from a comedian too. I don't see what any of that would bring to the conversation though.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#46

Post by tidydata »

thepasswordis wrote: post #12

People probably assume that women are more likely to spend more time with their kids by observing the way that parents interact with their children in primate species (including in humans). Maybe we should be doing more stuff that supports women being able to have their kids at work with them (if they chose to work) instead of somehow implying that there is worth in forfeiting substantial portions of the healthy part…

It’s important to reframe these messages, I think, to focus more on “child development” than to focus specifically on women’s roles. I read this article replacing “women” with parents for similar reasons. My 16 month old could very easily sit with me in a private office space, and even WFH can occupy himself with books and toys. Usually he’ll come to me every 15-20 minutes for some exclusive attention, then resumes his play. But alas we focus so much on “productivity “ that, according to some metrics this makes folks like me “less productive”.

Meanwhile, I have very fond memories of my dad taking me to his job as an EE at Raytheon in the early 90s, and his cubicle buddies having so much fun with me there.

This is all great to show kids and makes for a better office environment. I don’t think the societal notion or forcing parents to jump through childcare hoops benefits anyone but the people making the most money.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#47

Post by bradleyjg »

thepasswordis wrote: post #12

People probably assume that women are more likely to spend more time with their kids by observing the way that parents interact with their children in primate species (including in humans). Maybe we should be doing more stuff that supports women being able to have their kids at work with them (if they chose to work) instead of somehow implying that there is worth in forfeiting substantial portions of the healthy part…

instead of somehow implying that there is worth in forfeiting substantial portions of the healthy parts of your life to improving the efficiency of a cat picture delivery service

That’s not for you decide for everyone else. Whatever happened to live and let live?

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#48

Post by silicon2401 »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #13

> Everyone knows kids consume your time. But what people without kids may not realize is the extent to which people with kids want their time to be consumed by them. This is one of the hardest parts of parenthood to communicate to non-parents: Yes, children demand a lot of time and attention. However, as a parent you actually enjoy spending that time with your children. To the author's point: Different people will wa…

> It also helps to remember that "they grow up so fast" is cliche, but it's true. The most demanding early years of child raising fly by quickly.

It blew my mind when I heard someone say "kids are only toddlers for a couple of years". As a kid you feel like childhood lasts an eternity, and their developmental stages are so significant, but in comparison they spend less time at each phase (infant, toddler, little kid, etc) than most people spend on a bachelor's degree. I can't imagine how fast the time must feel as a parent, and it helps put into perspective for me why it's difficult for them when kids grow up, since it's not necessarily intuitive to think of their growth in terms of quantitative time.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#49

Post by [deleted] »

alex_young wrote: post #21

Here’s the thing - you shouldn’t have to choose between a career and having children. In the US we’ve created a set of incentives which work to put women at a disadvantage in the workplace if they become parents. Men, not so much, and largely because of this imbalance, even progressive couples fall into this paradigm. In the EU they mandate equal paid leave for both parents and require holding a job for them when the…

[deleted]

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#50

Post by thelean12 »

Red_Leaves_Flyy wrote: post #16
loceng wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absence of either is more or less even-equal of a problem: Jordan Peterson and Warren Farrell on The Boy Crisis and Gender Politics - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AA1lR3CC4s

Don't know you're grayed out. Humans are genetically extremely similar, appearances not-withstanding. Nurture is what creates valuable and functional humans. Societal factors that reduce parents ability to nurture their children are bad regardless of the parents gender.

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