Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#41

Post by farleykr » Wed, Apr 14, 2021, 4:08 PM UTC

Here's my two cents:

1. Make sure you know very well ahead of time how you feel about your given subjects and what you want to say about them.

2. Do #1 by spending a lot of time writing. It's amazing how often I realize that my ideas are more like vague feelings when I'm forced to articulate them by putting them into words via the act of writing.

These are obviously not comprehensive or the only ways to go about gaining confidence in public speaking, but hopefully they help and contribute to whatever solution you decide on.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#42

Post by bckr » Wed, Apr 14, 2021, 4:09 PM UTC

dharmab wrote: post #39

WhompingWindows wrote: post #22

The best way is practice -- you simply get used to anything the more you do it. When I was in HS, I joined debate club, where we spoke for 5-10 minutes at a time in front of anywhere from 5-20 club friends or opponents. When you do this repeatedly, for most people, your anxiety and nerves eventually go away, and it's just "what you do" now. The same was true of musical performance: I hated performing until I did it a…

HS Debate cured both my "umming" habit and my relucance to speak in about a weekend. A game we played in debate was where a person had to talk about something in front of a group without saying any "ums". If you said "um", your friends got to throw soft items (wadded up paper, plush toys) at you. It cures "umming" in seconds.

Great idea. It's hard to just be silent for a couple of seconds, it feels like the world is dying.

But great speakers

Use many significant pauses.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#43

Post by globular-toast » Wed, Apr 14, 2021, 4:10 PM UTC

If you're confident, you'll speak confidently. Why do you want to appear confident if you're not?

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#44

Post by kqr » Wed, Apr 14, 2021, 4:12 PM UTC

yjftsjthsd-h wrote: post #37

WhompingWindows wrote: post #22

The best way is practice -- you simply get used to anything the more you do it. When I was in HS, I joined debate club, where we spoke for 5-10 minutes at a time in front of anywhere from 5-20 club friends or opponents. When you do this repeatedly, for most people, your anxiety and nerves eventually go away, and it's just "what you do" now. The same was true of musical performance: I hated performing until I did it a…

> "Thank you, that's a great question" gives them a nice compliment and buys you 5 seconds to think. At the cost of potentially appearing insincere, since (in my experience) that's usually what the corporate talking head will say just before trying very hard not to answer a question. YMMV.

I mean, it could still be a great question, even if you can't or don't want to answer it. It all depends on how you follow up. If you go, "Thanks, that's a great question. I don't actually have a good answer for you. I'll get back to you in a few days." And then actually get back to them with whatever you've found out, you'll build trust, even if you tell them it is a great question.

It's not about what you say, it's about what you do.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#45

Post by pmdulaney » Wed, Apr 14, 2021, 4:14 PM UTC

It sounds like you're asking primarily about participating in meetings more than giving formal presentations. Here are some of my ideas.

* Set a good example for kindness. Show respect to everyone, praise others by name when you think they've made a good point, give other speakers your attention and smile at them with your eyes.

* Be humble and be willing to admit what you don't know.

* If you feel that you're not being given respect, there is a tendency to finally blurt out words of anger towards someone. Don't do that -- it will set you back quite a bit.

* Wait until you have a good insight before piping up. That way it will be easier to defend yourself and your idea if it gets challenged. On any team there is usually at least one person who has the reputation that "she doesn't speak very often, but when she does, it's worth paying attention." Not a bad person to be.

* As you get more experience it gets easier to think on the fly. Just look at Aaron Rogers! His banter is much improved over the course of just one week. (And probably much less than a week in real time.)

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#46

Post by sergiosgc » Wed, Apr 14, 2021, 4:16 PM UTC

WhompingWindows wrote: post #22

The best way is practice -- you simply get used to anything the more you do it. When I was in HS, I joined debate club, where we spoke for 5-10 minutes at a time in front of anywhere from 5-20 club friends or opponents. When you do this repeatedly, for most people, your anxiety and nerves eventually go away, and it's just "what you do" now. The same was true of musical performance: I hated performing until I did it a…

> You can also have default responses to buy time: "Thank you, that's a great question" gives them a nice compliment and buys you 5 seconds to think.

It's also important to realize that you don't need to buy time as much as you think you do. When in the spotlight, people tend to think they need to react quickly under penalty of seeming insecure. It's false. You can take a few seconds to prepare an answer and it still seems natural, even projecting an aura of confidence.

If you need more time than normal to prepare an answer, lay out your reasoning as you prepare it. Have some verbal crutches ready. These work well to buy you a dozen seconds:

- "Let me find an example that demonstrates this"

- "How do I explain this without being too technical?"

- "It's a complex issue, let me try to break it down"

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#47

Post by yjftsjthsd-h » Wed, Apr 14, 2021, 4:20 PM UTC

kqr wrote: post #44

yjftsjthsd-h wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "Thank you, that's a great question" gives them a nice compliment and buys you 5 seconds to think. At the cost of potentially appearing insincere, since (in my experience) that's usually what the corporate talking head will say just before trying very hard not to answer a question. YMMV.

I mean, it could still be a great question, even if you can't or don't want to answer it. It all depends on how you follow up. If you go, "Thanks, that's a great question. I don't actually have a good answer for you. I'll get back to you in a few days." And then actually get back to them with whatever you've found out, you'll build trust, even if you tell them it is a great question. It's not about what you say, it's…

Sure; a lot of this is heuristics and reputation. I personally suspect that in many cases, people do not associate the phrase with honest hosts who will actually try to answer, but it's definitely situational and depends both on the company culture and your own personal reputation.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#48

Post by stumblers » Wed, Apr 14, 2021, 4:21 PM UTC

One thing that's helped me is teaching local "community ed" courses on something I'm confident in. I've taught really basic courses, and not only became more confident over time but also felt great teaching people who are really engaged and grateful.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#49

Post by pwillia7 » Wed, Apr 14, 2021, 4:22 PM UTC

Lots of good advice in the thread -- I'll take a different angle on it. There is and should be a difference in the way you communicate with your family and friends and coworkers, however, I think basically all people draw that line too absolutely and try to create a 'professional' persona they use at work.

The most effective you are in conversation is how you speak to your friends and family. Consciously breaking down that line and trying to bring the genuineness, empathy and effectiveness of your normal communication style into work.

I've always done OK here but I found HUGE gains once I stopped trying to act like some movie version of a 'good professional communicator' and just started being myself. All the other people working are just people too.

https://www.amazon.com/Weekend-Language-Presenting-Stories-P...

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#50

Post by fatbird » Wed, Apr 14, 2021, 4:25 PM UTC

A couple tips on public speaking:

1. You're not speaking to a group, you're speaking to each individual in a group. Your voice should be pitched as if you're in a one-on-one conversation with someone, and in a group, you can simply look at one person, talk to them for a minute, and then at another person. Always focus on someone briefly, including eye contact, and then on someone else. It's a lot less intimidating talking to one person, and that shows up as confidence in a group.

2. Learn to not say "um" or "like" or any other verbal placeholders that you use to give your brain a chance to catch up and figure out the next thing to say. At first, just pause instead of saying "um"; over time, you'll either stop pausing, or you'll keep pausing and realizing that you weren't sure what you wanted to say, which means learning to take a moment before you start and get a clear idea of what you wanted to say.