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How to deal with difficult people on software projects

howtodeal.dev

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Re: How to deal with difficult people on software projects

#41

Post by TameAntelope »

Almost every single one of these problems can be solved by talking to the groups involved.

How do you talk to people about actual issues in a way that'll get them to be honest/realistic with you? Create safety. Make sure it's clear that nothing they do/say will hurt them or you, or come back to do so later.

What I don't see here, what I don't see anywhere, is how to deal with a legitimate bad actor. I wish more of these kinds of things would talk about how destructive a person with intent to do damage can be, and how to effectively handle someone like that when you can't simply get rid of them.

Re: How to deal with difficult people on software projects

#42

Post by defen »

stevecalifornia wrote: post #16

This is a horrible website and you will likely experience diminished tenure if you follow it's advice. First, there is a complete lack of empathy for the person being labelled. What are the motivations and constraints that led to this person acting this way? A key question and the foundation for building healthy productive relationships. Second, the 'solutions' are horrible. "Go around the person" is terrible advice…

I think there's a kernel of usefulness here, as long as you keep in mind that the labels don't inhere in the person, but rather refer to behavior and are relative to their current role. Developers love to systematize so it's easy to forget that people don't really fall into neatly labelled categories like this.

A "downtrodden" QA person could become uptrodden on a different team. Having a "patent author" PM is probably a good thing if you're working on life-critical software. Even an "incompetent" developer can learn to become better, or might be better suited to some other project. I'm decent at embedded development but if you put me on a deep learning task I'd be incompetent initially.

Re: How to deal with difficult people on software projects

#43

Post by TameAntelope »

The author is clearly a developer, as there are some positive stereotypes in that category, but no positive stereotypes in any other category.

I'm guessing their perspective on the related roles is either only through the lens of a developer, or through no lens at all, just squinting from afar.

Re: How to deal with difficult people on software projects

#44

Post by ArtDev »

Its funny but you may find you might take some of these negative labels over your career. I have been a number of these but it depends where I am in my life, career and the project. Currently I am a "Rockstar" developer.. and looking at the door. Luckily this project has a specific end date I can plan on.

Re: How to deal with difficult people on software projects

#45

Post by TameAntelope »

rdtwo wrote: post #26
stevecalifornia wrote: post #16

This is a horrible website and you will likely experience diminished tenure if you follow it's advice. First, there is a complete lack of empathy for the person being labelled. What are the motivations and constraints that led to this person acting this way? A key question and the foundation for building healthy productive relationships. Second, the 'solutions' are horrible. "Go around the person" is terrible advice…

Go around is a valid strategy, eventually your entire team will go around the difficult person and the difficult person will no longer be part of the solution chain essentially relegated to obscurity. Works in big teams with sufficient overlap not in small ones

I literally don't know how else to deal with certain categories of folks with whom talking and trying to resolve the issue has no effect.

Going around them/ignoring them is literally the advice you get from basically every literature I've read, and I've read a lot about this.

But you do have to try to work through the issue first, and you have to be willing to try again if they seem open to resolving the problem down the line. Never write someone off completely (for professional disagreements).

Re: How to deal with difficult people on software projects

#46

Post by NotPavlovsDog »

TameAntelope wrote: post #45
rdtwo wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Go around is a valid strategy, eventually your entire team will go around the difficult person and the difficult person will no longer be part of the solution chain essentially relegated to obscurity. Works in big teams with sufficient overlap not in small ones

I literally don't know how else to deal with certain categories of folks with whom talking and trying to resolve the issue has no effect. Going around them/ignoring them is literally the advice you get from basically every literature I've read, and I've read a lot about this. But you do have to try to work through the issue first, and you have to be willing to try again if they seem open to resolving the problem down…

What would you suggest from your readings?

I've mostly benefited from hard realism approach and Actor theory (as applied by some: everyone has an agenda, to work with them: Align, make Peace, or Destroy).

Re: How to deal with difficult people on software projects

#49

Post by pawelmi »

While most of those advices (or rather tricks like go around or hire replacement and ask to train them) would work sometimes, they lack empathy and reproduceability. In fact might even be counter effective. From my experience it works best to build good relation, give honest feedback and ask for reasons of bad behaviour. It might be because of some factor that we do not know or control (eg someone has problems at home, has different understanding of their role, are not aware of the scale of effect of their actions). Only after, if it won't improve, clear boundaries should be shown, which when overstepped would result in well defined consequences. If behaviour is noxious to the team, it is much better to let offender go early on clear notice, not as results of playing some psychological ticks on them.

Re: How to deal with difficult people on software projects

#50

Post by darth_avocado »

I think its a great Illustration of the different problematic behaviors you encounter when you work pretty much anywhere. However, the solutions although quite straightforward and make sense, in real the situation is not so simplistic. For e.g. you have the dictator PMs that refuse to do anything that didn't come from them. The solution is to have the upper management talk to them. In my work, we have a PM who is literally sitting at the top of the chain (reports to CEO) and displays those characteristics. Pretty everything anyone has tried to solve this problem in the last 10 years, hasn't worked and people have destroyed their own careers over trying to fix the behavior. In cases like this, the only thing that works is either do what they say or find another job.
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