The problem with normal is that it involves complicity with social norms which to many of us are horrible.
Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)
41–49 of 49 posts
Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)
#42Earlier quoted context omitted.
> If you believe the problem is with "everyone else", the problem really is with you . The problem with aphorisms like these is they lack nuance. I don't mind it as a general guideline, because it stimulates people to ask themselves whether they're the asshole - a good inroad to introspection that in many is sorely lacking. Likewise, in the context of nerds, it probably applies more often than not. However , there ar…
> I don't mind it as a general guideline, because it stimulates people to ask themselves whether they're the asshole - a good inroad to introspection that in many is sorely lacking. Likewise, in the context of nerds, it probably applies more often than not. Lacking social skills is something completely different than being an asshole.
I meant it more like "am I at fault/in the wrong here?". It doesn't literally have to be assholeish behaviour.
Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)
#43Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Nerd is somebody that even if he/she would like to take part in the contest they value other, more intellectual exercises No, nerds are the people who lost the general popularity contest and then started one in a parallel universe. Almost nobody is more competitive about status than subcultures internally, almost like a middle-finger towards society at large. This shows in video game competitions, programming langu…
I think the parallel universe is created prior to losing the popularity contest, by sheer force of mutual interests. And I don't see why nerds are more viciously competitive than other groups, your examples can be easily matched with ones from non-nerd universe. You hardly see an editor war actually turning violent.
It doesn't matter (a lot) how this happens initially.
Once the person stops participating in the mainstream popularity contest they are necessarily going to be left behind and it is going to affect their persona.
I know both types of "nerds". Ones that became nerds after not being popular and ones that were never interested.
I, for example, started my journey to being nerd before the contest. I started reading books when I was 6 and by the time I was 7 or 8 I would be spending large most of my time either reading books or searching through books in the library. I would be coming back home with bags full of books once a week. I never went to preschool and I never had any peers (other than my siblings) to interact with before I started spending most of my time reading. By the time I went to school I was not interested to compete with other kids for anything and I was quite ok being left to my own interests.
I also know people who turned as a mechanism to cope with their apparent loss in the contest. But in my mind that's not strictly "nerd". Nerd is somebody who does what they do because they want to do it and not for some other reason like popularity in their field or as an advantage at work. People who turn to other things as a mechanism to cope typically are less passionate about what they are doing, at least that's my observation.
Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)
#44I think its pretty cut and clear. Nerds tend to be socially awkward and introverted. The introversion makes them less likely to socialize outside their own groups. When they do socialize, their awkwardness makes interactions difficult.
Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)
#45Ok as someone who enjoys doing 'nerdy' things but would count myself as 'popular' etc this article is deluded on the ways popularity and school operate. Noone cares if you enjoy programming or computers as long as you act relatively 'normal'. It's not that nerds care about intelligence more than popularity (trust me most aren't) it's just that the nerds have already lost the popularity race by being socially awkward…
Yeah, it's the perspective of someone's giving their own internal reasoning for their struggles, without considering the uncomfortable truth. You sucked in high school. People could barely stand being around you. You weren't fun to talk to, not fun at all.
You're not even that much smarter than all those other kids. You just went all in on making your entire identity being smart. Predictably, no one liked it. Most of those other kids were smart enough to realize that being liked matters, and figured out how to be more liked.
It can take awhile, but other "nerds" figure it out eventually. I know plenty of extremely smart people that never had this problem, or figured it out as a young adult. It's a bitter pill to swallow that it wasn't how you are as a person, but the decisions you've made. This reads like someone that has never really had to come to terms with reality for whatever reason (likely just never had diverse social experiences).
Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)
#46Since we(comments and PG) are all peddling anecdotes.. IME, the dynamics in Indian schools, are polar opposite to the ones described here. "Nerds" tend to do well in both academics and extracurriculars. And in the majority case can also be referred to simultaneously as "Jocks". The separation between "nerds" and "jocks" into two ends of a (lunch table) spectrum is the biggest culture shock to me. The words that separ…
Indian definition of academic achievement is very rote learning focused. The academically very successful person is not likely to be very intelligent, they might just happen to be hard working because indian education system is mostly rote learning based. In the above-average-but-not-best part of academic achievements spectrum is where most of the actually intelligent people are found. They are not as studious as the…
I agree, but I'd argue that most education is similar, unless you live in Finland or went to special technical school for e.g. math or physics.
In university I had a few lecturers that tried to be different. They tested knowledge rather than hard work, and how many times you've drilled past exam papers. Generally these courses made the students feel out of control of their fate, stressed/anxious, and they hated the course. If I'm being honest I was one of those students.
Ultimately, the kind of "smart" you're talking about is not useful or valued. There are a small percentage of students, who are not only smart, but also good at "gaming" the system. A small percentage of this subset might end up in research and development, and the students who would be good at R&D don't get the chance to prove themselves.
For most students, being good at "gaming" the system, following instructions, and learning by rote is good enough. To be a doctor or a lawyer, you need to know by rote the basic fundamental knowledge. Thereafter it's constant practice and experience in actually practising medicine/law, and the associated accumulation of knowledge of all the "little tricks" and intricacies, that makes you a good professional.
Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)
#47eh I hate this kind of Ender's game self-victimisation. Nerds aren't unpopular because they're too smart for school and all the athletic jocks envy them, they're unpopular because they act like nerds. That's not a passive thing happening to someone, it's something that people actively act like. Obviously one can be highly intelligent in school and not be nerdy, everyone knows people who are intelligent as well as pop…
So, I wrote a comment almost identical to yours, but here's some thing I think get lost from that perspective.
> That's not a passive thing happening to someone, it's something that people actively act like.
The way we act IMO is not a choice. Very few people would actively choose to be uncharismatic, since it would be almost purely negative. Same with intelligence, athletics, music, ect. some people are geniuses, some people have learning disabilities, and there's gray area in between.
The "incel" tendency to blame it on a birth defect is dangerous and toxic, but it's also wrong to act like people are actively deciding to do these things, and are to blame for being bad at something that comes naturally to most people. It would be like blaming a dyslexic kid for being unable to read, and telling them it's their fault they don't just read like the rest of us. Grow up and pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
> Nerds never did well in school because they're often smug as hell, think they're the brainy protagonist of some sort of TV show envied by everyone else, but in reality not even that clever
I agree, but this ignores how tolerant people are of obnoxious personalities. I've met plenty of "cool" people that are just the worst. I simply do not understand the appeal and are 10,000x the shithead the nerds are. Sometime it's baffling how they even have friends, they're so toxic, and actively harmful to be around. I get it if the person is so charming, but often times they're clearly not. That person is a toxic asshole, but nobody cares... of course we know over time less people will stick around them; yet it's still somehow a better bet than acting a bit nerdy.
Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)
#48When I went to high school in 2010, nerds were much less defined by having an eccentric hobby like DnD, and much more defined by taking a shitload of AP courses in an attempt to get accepted to a top tier college. And that's not negative: going to an elite university like Harvard is definitively cool.
Describing yourself as nerdy or geeky doesn't have a negative connotation. The nerds of the late 20th century are now literally filthy rich, and everyone has a computing device in their pocket, uses the internet 16 hours a day, and was into game of thrones prior to the last season.
Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)
#49Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think the parallel universe is created prior to losing the popularity contest, by sheer force of mutual interests. And I don't see why nerds are more viciously competitive than other groups, your examples can be easily matched with ones from non-nerd universe. You hardly see an editor war actually turning violent.
It doesn't matter (a lot) how this happens initially. Once the person stops participating in the mainstream popularity contest they are necessarily going to be left behind and it is going to affect their persona. I know both types of "nerds". Ones that became nerds after not being popular and ones that were never interested. I, for example, started my journey to being nerd before the contest. I started reading books…
I think that issue of people in this discussion is that they treat relationships with peers solely as competition. If that is your only framework for thinking about people, of course you will have few friends. Among other things, you quite clearly are not interested in them and project own insecurities on them.
Plenty of social and popular people have and interests as nerds and have them because they like them. But self identified nerds, who by own words never really interact with them more are interested to, do seem to imagine that such thing is not possible.