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Career advice for people with bad luck

chiefofstuff.substack.com

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Re: Career advice for people with bad luck

#41

Post by alufers »

rb808 wrote: post #23

A lot of talk here that colleagues aren't friends. What is wrong with you people? If you like your colleagues you can invite them to do stuff after you or they leave. They probably haven't invited you because they never got around to it either. Most of the older generation people met through work is the only way to make friends. No wonder loneliness is so rampant now.

Yeah, I really feel sad when I see those articles and comments telling you not to share anything that you don't want your boss to know with your colleagues, or even better ignore them completely and automatically treat as deadly competition. If you cannot trust anybody and have difficulties with assessing if someone won't turn his back on you, it may be a problem with your social skills, not with other people.

This kind of thinking encourages situations where the employer may have total control over his employees, like with Amazon.

Re: Career advice for people with bad luck

#42

Post by Kye »

chesterarthur wrote: post #11
Insanity wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To form a long-lasting friendship, you need at least some common ground to touch on.

Shared interest and mutual respect is different than shared values

Some values are incompatible with mutual respect.

Re: Career advice for people with bad luck

#43

Post by znpy »

Regarding retainment offers and somebody commenting on the fact that he asked for changes instead of money for retainment:

I recently took note of this beautiful quote by Bryan Cantrill: if you can't make the right thing happen then it's time to leave.

Re: Career advice for people with bad luck

#44

Post by werber »

moneywoes wrote: post #8
ashtonkem wrote: post #2

> The company is not your family. Some of the people in the company are your friends in the current context. It’s like your dorm in college. Hopefully some of them will still be your friends after. But don’t stay because you’re comfortable. This one hit hard. It’s amazing how many of the close work friends I had over the years were only close because of the shitty circumstances we endured together. Once that was gone…

Been working 3 months at my first job and this realization hit me. I enjoy spending time with my coworkers but is it all in vain?

Do things outside work! You can make friends on the job, it makes the days so much better. If you believe the workplace is a big contest for who's best, it probably will be. But, in my experience, if you treat every new job like you would have starting a new school year, you can make real friendships.

Re: Career advice for people with bad luck

#45

Post by hu3 »

kamaal wrote: post #36
rb808 wrote: post #23

A lot of talk here that colleagues aren't friends. What is wrong with you people? If you like your colleagues you can invite them to do stuff after you or they leave. They probably haven't invited you because they never got around to it either. Most of the older generation people met through work is the only way to make friends. No wonder loneliness is so rampant now.

Unacknowledged fact. Due to Stack Ranking and modern day Machivellian work culture, colleagues are competitors. Most relationships end up the same way. If there is some kind of comparative ranking/selection, even if it is just fame or some recognition. Even sibling rivalry roots in this.

I and some work friends made the mistake of disclosing our salary between us. Me being the one that earns more.

Our friendship and even work relationship was never the same again.

I would never tell how much I earn if I had the choice to go back. I do believe they should know. But it hurts our work relationship on a daily basis.

Re: Career advice for people with bad luck

#46

Post by codingdave »

2sk21 wrote: post #6

Having worked for a dying tech startup at one point in the early 2000s - I spent time agonizing over the fact that if I quit, the company would become unviable - I was one of the key technical people and was the only person with a good understanding of our entire product. After much dithering, I did ultimately leave and the company did fold shortly thereafter. I did feel bad at the time but in retrospect, I have come…

I sympathize with feeling like the company can't do the job without you. It is a tough place to be. But ultimately, unless you are an exec or owner, that is not your problem. Your job is not a marriage, it is an ongoing business transaction. If the leadership built a company so dependent on one person, yet failed to either make sure that person was stupendously happy and satisfied there, or at least have a backup plan for that person's bus factor, that is their own management mistake.

Re: Career advice for people with bad luck

#47

Post by Theodores »

rb808 wrote: post #23

A lot of talk here that colleagues aren't friends. What is wrong with you people? If you like your colleagues you can invite them to do stuff after you or they leave. They probably haven't invited you because they never got around to it either. Most of the older generation people met through work is the only way to make friends. No wonder loneliness is so rampant now.

There is a difference between being friendly and being friends.

A friend can be someone you have not spoken to in decades but they will help you in a time of need and pick up with you as if it was yesterday.

In a workplace you may adore your colleagues and spend more than forty hours a week in their company but are you being friendly or are you friends? There is a difference. It is not often that a workplace friendship arrangement becomes a true friendship.

In previous times people were not hypermobile. People did not travel on vast commutes just for a highly specialised job. They could get work on their side of town. They could also sell up and move that bit easier for that job out of town.

In a workplace you are not going to become best of friends with someone who lives a 3-4 hour journey away from you as you know from the off that it is a long distance relationship. The drink after work will be as far as it goes.

Of course there will be exceptions.

I am not sure that the older generation have that many close friends anyway, plus there was the stay at home mum phenomenon back then and whilst 'daddy went to work' the true friendships were made by the kids, bringing their respective parents together. Kids don't get chopped and changed like how jobs do so there is more scope for friendships being made through them.

Re: Career advice for people with bad luck

#48

Post by giantg2 »

moneywoes wrote: post #8
ashtonkem wrote: post #2

> The company is not your family. Some of the people in the company are your friends in the current context. It’s like your dorm in college. Hopefully some of them will still be your friends after. But don’t stay because you’re comfortable. This one hit hard. It’s amazing how many of the close work friends I had over the years were only close because of the shitty circumstances we endured together. Once that was gone…

Been working 3 months at my first job and this realization hit me. I enjoy spending time with my coworkers but is it all in vain?

It's not in vain. The opinions of your coworkers can greatly influence your ratings. Even if your output is stellar, the only way to get promoted is to have people like you.

Re: Career advice for people with bad luck

#50

Post by throw4failure »

chadash wrote: post #34
throw4failure wrote: post #29

This seems like a good thread in which to try to solicit some advice, since it's at least tangentially related. I was terminated from my last job. In my opinion it was due to my chronic and major depression that I have since been seeking extensive treatment (medication, several months rent in therapy) for. I say "in my opinion" because I really can't rule out that I'm just a lazy, crappy developer who is trying to us…

I interview people regularly and if I see someone with technical talent, then I'll proceed. Chances are I'm not looking up your references until I'm pretty sure I want to hire you, so up until that point, it's on you to impress me with your technical knowledge. Brush up on the fundamentals. Maybe read cracking the coding interview. And if possible, spend some time working on an open source project, preferably an exis…

I appreciate the feedback, thank you. In particular, reminding me to contribute to a larger open source project which is something I haven't done since leaving my last job.
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