41–48 of 48 posts
You'll have more freedom and a bigger wallet without kids. This has been known since forever. That's why my wife and I aren't having them (at the moment).
You'll also have someone to teach and grow with kids, which _can_ help make the world a better place. That's why several of our friends have families.
>It’s not a great world to be raising kids right now. It's never been a great world to raise children in. Years ago the child mortality rate meant every family had a Jimmy that wouldn't make it to age 5. It bugs me no end when people assert without citation that the world is worse than it ever was. One thing to keep in mind is that our awareness of the bad things in the world has certainly gone up due to our digital…
Forget crime, sickness, and the like. Let's look at stagnating wages [0] in the face of spiraling education, healthcare, and housing costs; anthropogenic climate change (which even the oil companies have known about since 1977) [1]; and the continuing trend of corporations being allowed to socialize losses while privatizing profits. Having children is also one of the worst things an individual can do in terms of carb…
FWIW, other people made huge sacrifices so that you could enjoy the gift of life. You might want to consider paying that gift forward and not keep it all for yourself.
What's strange to me is how the insecure the child free crowd seems to be regarding their choice. The seemingly never ending need to patronizingly justify that choice, to the point of moralizing the issue (as the author does), is bizarre. It comes off like the individual is seeking reassurance for their life choice. This isn't the 1950s. No one cares if you decide to have children or not.
In my experience, these childfree sorts who group together have done it because they are or were constantly criticized for their choices by people whose voices mattered to them; family, coworkers, friends. They find a place where they can belong and let their frustrations with others out where they won't be criticized, and the catharsis of being able to be themselves seems to turn into a drug to them.
I had a vasectomy at 25. I'm 37 now. It's a toss up over what I appreciate doing to myself more; vasectomy or lasik. Both have made my life almost immeasurably better for the things I want to be better. I also got lucky in that my family was pretty understanding of my desires - or at least enough that they didn't want to get into an argument with me about it. I was lucky that I had the right combination of (grand)parents passivity and a past history of extremely strong-willed sarcastic rhetoric that they didn't want to make it a big deal. Over time, they fully accepted it. So, while being child free is definitely me, I never felt like I had to find peers who understood me; I wasn't being questioned constantly or held to task for my decisions, so I didn't feel like I needed to be around people who understood me. Those who didn't didn't matter, and those who did matter either did or didn't say anything negative, so I didn't need to care. I never felt like I was under attack or having to justify myself at the drop of a hat every time I interacted with someone.
My wife, meanwhile, has had a far greater struggle with her family. The critical commentary is effectively nonstop; it isn't, actually, but it can happen at any moment, so she is always at Defcon 2. This is exhausting for her. She hasn't turned to childfree groups for acceptance, but it isn't hard to empathize why someone would. Being around people who understand your decisions and where you can say all the things you wish you could tell your mother, grandmother, aunts and cousins is a pressure release valve.
I can see this in other groups too; anyone who is marginalized or mistreated by society as a whole or people they are close to, they find a safe space and can let their frustrations at the mistreatment they receive out. It helps them stay true to themselves at times when they may otherwise feel forced into a role they do not want to be in by any society that values conformity to specific values and behaviors more than anything else.
Then when people like you or I come across these groups who are doing things contrary to who we are or what we believe, we recoil in horror at the rhetoric. I'm a hetero cisgendered white dude who makes tech money in a tech city. I'm part of the problem to so many people, and get painted with a pretty broad brush. This upsets me sometimes, but I always remind myself that there's a reason why people are doing this, and it really has nothing to do with me in specific. It's a coping mechanism, and I defer judgement on them until the real test; If, after I treat them as valued individuals with valid feelings and emotions and an equal worth to myself, if they don't feel the same vitriol toward me as their rhetoric would imply, then we're good. If they still want to write me off, then I think they're jerks and move on as well. But that doesn't mean that they're wrong for finding a place to belong and vent their feelings. That's just humans being humans.
What's strange to me is how the insecure the child free crowd seems to be regarding their choice. The seemingly never ending need to patronizingly justify that choice, to the point of moralizing the issue (as the author does), is bizarre. It comes off like the individual is seeking reassurance for their life choice. This isn't the 1950s. No one cares if you decide to have children or not.
Why would it be strange? The ones with kids have the same issue.
"It's the most important job in the world."
"Children are our future."
Just as touchy is religion. Oh, my, the mental hoops I see folks jumping through just to maintain a narrative.
Etc. People sometimes go to great lengths to rationalize their choices, and though you might find it strange, unusual it is not. If there is anything to be learned, be flexible and give up on that narrative when it no longer works for you. Feeling obligation to a 25 year-old you from ten years ago is unwise.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Forget crime, sickness, and the like. Let's look at stagnating wages [0] in the face of spiraling education, healthcare, and housing costs; anthropogenic climate change (which even the oil companies have known about since 1977) [1]; and the continuing trend of corporations being allowed to socialize losses while privatizing profits. Having children is also one of the worst things an individual can do in terms of carb…
> We'd be jeopardizing both our retirements FWIW, other people made huge sacrifices so that you could enjoy the gift of life. You might want to consider paying that gift forward and not keep it all for yourself.
Anyone who finds themselves tending towards this nihilistic, fatalistic worldview desperately needs to recognise the extremely harmful predicament they find themselves in and work instead towards a life of meaning and purpose. I would further urge them to reflect on who is playing the fiddle that is leading them down this terrible path so that they can go forward with knowledge of their enemy. Children are your purpo…
> in your children, and their children after them, you will live on forever. Just as your ancestors do in you. No you won't, and no they don't. Most people will be forgotten within a couple of generations -- or are you well-versed in the lives of your great-great grandparents? Your genes, random and (thus, probably) non-special as they are, will be insignificant within four generations. > You know that pang in your c…
I have children, and I enjoy them. Both my wife and I have well paid jobs in the tech industry. Having children requires sacrifices. As with any decision, there is an inevitable cost of opportunity, but what we get from caring for these loved little human beings... Is priceless! I understand the narrative of the author. This is a narrative of an individual whose core values are "success", material accumulation as pro…
And yet you can't express what it is that you get. All the arguments brought forth in the article are objectively true, and you counter by saying "Yeah, that's the price for... well... you know?" That's not much of an argument. Depending on what exactly it is you call priceless, others may well think it's worthless.
> Daily I realize how difficult it is for some people without children to understand my choice, and the sacrifices it requires.
Childfree people fully understand the sacrifices your choice requires. They just aren't obliged or inclined to subsidize it.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> We'd be jeopardizing both our retirements FWIW, other people made huge sacrifices so that you could enjoy the gift of life. You might want to consider paying that gift forward and not keep it all for yourself.
My brother has kids. My girlfriend's brother may have kids in the future. We have plenty of ways to pay it forward. Meanwhile, my parents are already retired. I'd like to retire as well, someday.
Also, I get that you probably think I'm just some asshole on the internet, but we're talking about whether human beings—your kids, no less!—get to exist. This is kinda important.