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The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

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Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#41

Post by jules »

yummyfajitas wrote: post #15
hartror wrote: post #8

I would group it all into one tip: Make an effort with your relationship. Like everything good in life it takes work to have a good relationship. If you make an effort to have a good relationship, applying thought and energy day to day, you will grow a healthy satisfying relationship.

This works well for women, not so well for men. For men, typically making a visible effort will cause your spouse to perceive you as weak and low value. This will only make things worse.

Aren't we talking about marriage here rather than a relationship between teenagers?

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#42

Post by hartror »

sp332 wrote: post #30
hartror wrote: post #8

I would group it all into one tip: Make an effort with your relationship. Like everything good in life it takes work to have a good relationship. If you make an effort to have a good relationship, applying thought and energy day to day, you will grow a healthy satisfying relationship.

"Making an effort" might encourage people to talk more during the worst times (like right after work).

Making an effort means thinking about your relationship, if that means thinking about it and deciding to put a problem aside for a better time, that is still making an effort.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#44

Post by [deleted] »

haploid wrote: post #38
_h4xr wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I recommend The Red Queen if you want to start learning about this. The short answer: men largely choose mates based on looks; women choose based more on social status. Signalling low social status reduces male attractiveness; signalling high social status raises it. n = 1, but this has worked for me. Deliberately act like you can take it or leave it, and you're unlikely to be left. (And note that women initiate the…

Both you and yummyfajitas are making the classic error of espousing an unpopular opinion amongst people who tend to irrationally believe magical romantic things about evolved bags of meat. It's a fairly well established biological fact( caveat - there are of course exceptions )that female primates, including humans, respond sexually favorably toward high status behavior on the part of males. The Red Queen is a good b…

[deleted]

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#45

Post by haploid »

[deleted] wrote: post #29
_h4xr wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I recommend The Red Queen if you want to start learning about this. The short answer: men largely choose mates based on looks; women choose based more on social status. Signalling low social status reduces male attractiveness; signalling high social status raises it. n = 1, but this has worked for me. Deliberately act like you can take it or leave it, and you're unlikely to be left. (And note that women initiate the…

[deleted]

"My personal belief is that if a woman chose you for your social status, you made a mistake getting involved with her."

I'd suggest reading the book cited by the grandparent. You're a little naive on the topic. The vast majority of women marry for social or financial status, but it's an unconscious mechanism.

In the end, it's all about optimizing genetic fitness and resource availability. Our genes do this automatically, and it's not limited to humans.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#46

Post by _h4xr »

[deleted] wrote: post #44
haploid wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Both you and yummyfajitas are making the classic error of espousing an unpopular opinion amongst people who tend to irrationally believe magical romantic things about evolved bags of meat. It's a fairly well established biological fact( caveat - there are of course exceptions )that female primates, including humans, respond sexually favorably toward high status behavior on the part of males. The Red Queen is a good b…

[deleted]

"You are aware that the very definition of a fact precludes it from having exceptions, right?"

He's talking about statistical distributions. "It's an established fact that six-year-olds are taller than five-year-olds. There are exceptions."

I'm not sure where he got the "hipster" stuff, though.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#47

Post by [deleted] »

haploid wrote: post #45
[deleted] wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[deleted]

"My personal belief is that if a woman chose you for your social status, you made a mistake getting involved with her." I'd suggest reading the book cited by the grandparent. You're a little naive on the topic. The vast majority of women marry for social or financial status, but it's an unconscious mechanism. In the end, it's all about optimizing genetic fitness and resource availability. Our genes do this automatica…

[deleted]

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#48

Post by sp332 »

johngalt wrote: post #10

The secret to writing a linkbait title: reinforce stereotypes.

There's a huge difference between being commanded to "Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much" by other people, versus doing these things on your own initiative as part of your relationship.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#49

Post by ewoks »

"5. Scheme

And finally, start scheming, or thinking strategically. Being strategic might sound cold and calculating, but it’s something you probably already do with your spouse, whether you admit it or not. For example, if your friends invite you for a weekend away, no spouses, and you want to go, you naturally start thinking about how you can make this happen with minimal fuss, what you can offer your spouse in return, how to bring it up, when to bring it up, and what type of flowers to present as graft when you’re in the midst of bringing it up." - ugh..that sounds like a horrible situation to be in, wtf. Why would you get in such a place with a girl?

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