The Hot Girl Effect and Networking • Hacker News Board

Re: The Hot Girl Effect and Networking

#41

Post by sudont » Thu, Dec 30, 2010, 12:27 AM UTC

danudey wrote: post #30

yason wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wonder how many rejections a man would have to face to develop a "cockiness shield", to continue pursuing and hitting on women no matter how rejected he becomes. After all, it's a small effort for a potentially good returns. With practice he could certainly toughen up with regard to that but I think that by doing so he would inevitably have shut out part of his heart. Getting rejected by a woman is hard for a man.…

I had a landlord once who wasn't very social, and as a result wasn't very good with women (but he was a specialized mechanic and made a ton of money). Was talking to him one day, and he said that his therapist had given him an assignment to get out of his shell. His assignment was to go to a bar (or any sort of similar place) and get rejected by ten women. That is, between that session and his next (the span of a wee…

Since you didn't phrase this in terms of "Rejection Therapy" I have to assume it didn't pop up on your radar. It was pretty popular on here a couple of weeks ago, and Jason Shen even did a series about trying it out.

How long ago was this? The therapist was probably ahead of his time!

Re: The Hot Girl Effect and Networking

#42

Post by smokinn » Thu, Dec 30, 2010, 12:46 AM UTC

losvedir wrote: post #9

kungfooey wrote: post #2

Is this for real? Is there any science to support the anecdotal experience of "the hot girl effect"?

OKCupid does interesting analyses of their user data. Here's a post looking at the impact of attractiveness on messaging rates ( http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dati... ). Looks like, at least for their users, the "hot girl effect" is not real; the more attractive the girl, the lower the probability of a successful response.

The problem with OKCupid rejection is that rejection is not real.

You can easily spam out messages to all the hot girls and "rejection" is really a non-reply. Meaning that "rejection" is invisible.

In real life rejection means a "walk of shame" away from the girl, probably while your friends are watching, probably while they're laughing at you. OkCupid incorporates none of that.

Re: The Hot Girl Effect and Networking

#43

Post by znt » Thu, Dec 30, 2010, 12:46 AM UTC

sudont wrote: post #41

danudey wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a landlord once who wasn't very social, and as a result wasn't very good with women (but he was a specialized mechanic and made a ton of money). Was talking to him one day, and he said that his therapist had given him an assignment to get out of his shell. His assignment was to go to a bar (or any sort of similar place) and get rejected by ten women. That is, between that session and his next (the span of a wee…

Since you didn't phrase this in terms of "Rejection Therapy" I have to assume it didn't pop up on your radar. It was pretty popular on here a couple of weeks ago, and Jason Shen even did a series about trying it out. How long ago was this? The therapist was probably ahead of his time!

Actually getting rejected by women and getting blown out of "sets" on purpose is a well known PUA practice to handle fear of rejection. I remember reading about it 4 years ago or so.

Re: The Hot Girl Effect and Networking

#44

Post by MrFlibble » Thu, Dec 30, 2010, 1:02 AM UTC

I once worked with a Teamster who didn't give a damn who you were (or how important for that matter). He just spoke his mind. Working on films, he would regularly have lunch with producers, actors, studio heads, you name it. He'd plop down at a table wherever & just eat his lunch & chat with whoever was there. Result? He could walk up to the "untouchables" on most shows & ask about their kids, chat about a vacation, even occasionally talk about politics. He even helped defuse a disgruntled actor one day by simply asking, "hey, what the hell's the matter?" and letting him vent (much to the dismay of the cowering producers).

On a personal note, I befriended a power broker several years ago while discussing art. We had a lot to talk about. Now years later we still talk & email fairly regularly & grab lunch when in the same town.

Stop thinking of people as who they are or what they represent, just treat them like normal folks & you'll be surprised who you might befriend.

Re: The Hot Girl Effect and Networking

#45

Post by blahblahblah » Thu, Dec 30, 2010, 1:10 AM UTC

Apples and oranges. Yes, there is a "hot girl effect", but it really only applies to hot girls. People who are at the top of their fields may be friendly, but they are, by virtue of being at the top of their field, generally very busy people. Sure, they're approachable, but you can't really expect to have more than a small slice of their time unless the ideas you are bringing to the table are of significant interest to them. The CEO or top scientist is inherently busy or they wouldn't be in their position. A hot girl, by contrast, is no more or less likely than anyone else to have a full calendar. Hot girls don't automatically lose their hotness by living a relaxed, unstructured lifestyle.

Re: The Hot Girl Effect and Networking

#46

Post by cousin_it » Thu, Dec 30, 2010, 1:34 AM UTC

yason wrote: post #26

iterationx wrote: post #20

>>Once a girl passes a certain degree of hotness, the amount of guys hitting on her drops dramatically. When a girl starts to become a hot babe then tons of guys hit on her -- its annoying and time consuming to ward off losers so she develops a "bitch shield". This defense mechanism tells guys that she is too good for them and not to bother, from this point on only the cocky guys approach who are not intimidated by t…

I wonder how many rejections a man would have to face to develop a "cockiness shield", to continue pursuing and hitting on women no matter how rejected he becomes. After all, it's a small effort for a potentially good returns. With practice he could certainly toughen up with regard to that but I think that by doing so he would inevitably have shut out part of his heart. Getting rejected by a woman is hard for a man.…

I would also add that after you develop your "cockiness shield" - though a sword would be a better analogy - it needs to be maintained, kept sharp. For some reason this particular skill fades very quickly (in months) if you stop exercising it, so it's not like swimming or riding a bike.

There's another bit of bitter irony about this situation. After you become "hard" enough to attract a girl who was previously out of your league, it's not in your best interest to grow "soft" again. On the contrary, it makes the girl likely to leave you, because she didn't sign up for your weaknesses when she entered the relationship :-) Yeah, some girls will be okay with that, but in my experience they are rare.

Re: The Hot Girl Effect and Networking

#47

Post by nikster » Thu, Dec 30, 2010, 2:23 AM UTC

JanezStupar wrote: post #34

rue wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is also cost of your time for the coffee and whatever may follow, as well as material costs (potentially high when dealing with upper-echelon), so it is not an outright win situation.

No risk no glory! Only the ones that are willing to fail repeatedly are the ones who deserve to win. What I'm trying to imply here that taking risks while maximizing your odds is also a skill. A super hot woman (or GS executive) both appreciate confidence and candor. They don't want to be treated as "different" - to return to that hot woman - she doesn't want to be treated as special. Looking into mirror is enough to…

We all make choices - maybe I wouldn't want to invest much of my precious time in having Coffee with the CEO of Goldman Sachs. Let's say I don't work in finance and have no interest in it.

As for hot women, it depends on what you want. For a real life example, let's say I am married and have no intentions of cheating on my wife. So I will certainly chat with a hot woman, maybe even flirt with her, but I'll certainly not put a lot of effort into pursuing her as I have no interest in sexual relations with her.

Re: The Hot Girl Effect and Networking

#48

Post by HeyLaughingBoy » Thu, Dec 30, 2010, 2:32 AM UTC

maxklein wrote: post #6

The theory above is short term (get a date), when there is also the long term consideration (marry her, have kids). If you are an average joe, the chances of you having kids with a hot top model are, very frankly, very low. And we guys know that. In the same way, the chance of us having a nice chat with the CEO of Goldman is fair, but the chance of him maintaining contact with us and being a friend or mentor is prett…

I've never asked someone out on a date expecting to get married. Things go where they go. Having it all planned out before you even talk to her seems, well... silly.

Enjoy the moment. Talk to the hot girl or boy; introduce yourself to the celebrity or CEO, or VC or whatever floats your boat. But don't talk yourself out of it because of what you imagine could happen.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Re: The Hot Girl Effect and Networking

#49

Post by sjtgraham » Thu, Dec 30, 2010, 2:33 AM UTC

I have to disagree with this. I've seen the exact opposite many times, e.g. Dave McClure at the TechHub Xmas party, the poor guy was absolutely mobbed.

I thought this post was going to be about something different altogether, so I wrote it myself:

http://blog.shrewple.com/post/2520650113/the-real-hot-girl-e...

Re: The Hot Girl Effect and Networking

#50

Post by joe_the_user » Thu, Dec 30, 2010, 2:44 AM UTC

JanezStupar wrote: post #34

rue wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is also cost of your time for the coffee and whatever may follow, as well as material costs (potentially high when dealing with upper-echelon), so it is not an outright win situation.

No risk no glory! Only the ones that are willing to fail repeatedly are the ones who deserve to win. What I'm trying to imply here that taking risks while maximizing your odds is also a skill. A super hot woman (or GS executive) both appreciate confidence and candor. They don't want to be treated as "different" - to return to that hot woman - she doesn't want to be treated as special. Looking into mirror is enough to…

I know a founder of one of the top silicone valley start-ups. He's a great guy and when I happen to see him it's fine to chat. He's very busy so I don't see him very often.

This relationship gets me zero, zilch, practical benefits.

It's fluke that I know him. Would I expend a lot of effort to get ten relationships with similarly well-connected people? No, because it would rather insincere and would get me ten times as much practical benefits (ten time zeros). The people who I happen to meet and are cool people, I'll be friends with. The stunningly beautiful ballerinas I've chatted with are nice also but not the best material for personal relationships...

In other words, the glory of knowing COOs and dating models also over-rated. And if the models are feeling truly neglected, I'm sure they won't have a problem introducing themselves to cute guys at bars if they want "glory".