The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet? • Hacker News Board

Re: The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet?

#41

Post by toasterlovin » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 5:17 PM UTC

djohnston wrote: post #30

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yours…

The important thing in deciding between two alternatives is figuring out which you will regret least. Then constantly reminding yourself that there's a good reason you chose the grass on this side.

Re: The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet?

#42

Post by dazc » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 5:18 PM UTC

apohn wrote: post #38

Karawebnetwork wrote: post #12

Money gave me stability. Stability allowed me to have time for introspection. Introspection allowed me to target issues in my life. Fixing those issues is lowering my discomfort in life. Money won't fix anything for you but it will provide you an environment where you can.

>Money gave me stability. The lows are very different when you have money and when you don't have money. When you are struggling financially and a single event (e.g. car breaking down) can spiral into wrecking your entire life, you it's hard to "let go" of that. When you are financially stable there are a lot of frustrations (e.g. work stress) you can learn to cope with, control, or let go of.

So very true. One time my car was damaged while parked outside my home, the culprit did a lot of damage and just drove away. Although the repairs were covered by insurance I still had to find £250 for the excess before I could get the car back. It wiped me out and set me on a spiral of debt and depression.

If the same thing happened today I could just shrug it off and carry on regardless.

I am not rich now but I have spare cash and this makes an immeasurable positive difference in ways one cannot conceive without the benefit of an alternative experience.

Re: The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet?

#43

Post by toasterlovin » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 5:18 PM UTC

Karawebnetwork wrote: post #12

Money gave me stability. Stability allowed me to have time for introspection. Introspection allowed me to target issues in my life. Fixing those issues is lowering my discomfort in life. Money won't fix anything for you but it will provide you an environment where you can.

"Necessary but not sufficient" is the phrase, I believe.

Re: The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet?

#44

Post by TheBeardKing » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 5:24 PM UTC

bryanlarsen wrote: post #36

Is happiness the right thing to aim for? Using words like "content", "satisfied", "meaning", "engagement", "accomplishment" or "purpose" can result in very different results. The standard example is kids. Having kids, especially in a place without many social supports, such as the United States, results in a drop in perceived happiness, but an increase in satisfaction, which in the long term is better correlated with…

Exactly, happiness is so fleeting it's very difficult to describe your entire being as happy or not. I certainly experience very happy moments, but also sad, angry, frustrating moments. These short and temporary moments should not be used to judge the general quality of your life.

Re: The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet?

#45

Post by chasd00 » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 5:26 PM UTC

Karawebnetwork wrote: post #12

Money gave me stability. Stability allowed me to have time for introspection. Introspection allowed me to target issues in my life. Fixing those issues is lowering my discomfort in life. Money won't fix anything for you but it will provide you an environment where you can.

money won't make you happy but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes.

Re: The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet?

#46

Post by chasd00 » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 5:29 PM UTC

Nature really hates things out of the ordinary. If you want to be out of the ordinary don't expect it to be easy and pain free.

Re: The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet?

#47

Post by untilHellbanned » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 5:29 PM UTC

vorpalhex wrote: post #3

There is nothing which will make you happy. You must choose to be happy. There is no job, no amount of money, no relationship, which will make you feel whole and happy and content and done. The opposite doesn't hold - there are jobs and relationships and financial strains which will certainly keep you from being happy. The goal isn't for a job or a relationship to make you happy. It's to enable other things which are…

It's not a choice.

Re: The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet?

#48

Post by bitxbitxbitcoin » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 5:30 PM UTC

triviatise wrote: post #31

The path to true happiness is to want for nothing.

“Attachments are just resentments waiting to happen.”

Re: The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet?

#49

Post by TheBeardKing » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 5:34 PM UTC

I think your ability to be content is just a personality trait, and some have that ability to a much greater extent than others. For example, the saying "ignorance is bliss" seems to have some merit - many highly intelligent people just cannot be happy. It's an unfortunate product of your brain chemistry, and it's nothing you can choose to escape given average circumstances, as much as we romanticize the idea of "finding happiness."

Re: The money, job, marriage myth: are you happy yet?

#50

Post by newsgremlin » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 5:34 PM UTC

vorpalhex wrote: post #3

There is nothing which will make you happy. You must choose to be happy. There is no job, no amount of money, no relationship, which will make you feel whole and happy and content and done. The opposite doesn't hold - there are jobs and relationships and financial strains which will certainly keep you from being happy. The goal isn't for a job or a relationship to make you happy. It's to enable other things which are…

The focus should be on living in the present, that's the only place you will find happiness. And if you pass by those moments without appreciation, you'll only feel regret and anxiously wait for the next bit of happiness to be found.