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In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

nytimes.com

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Re: In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

#41

Post by Alterlife »

nils-m-holm wrote: post #27

Only n=1 and I guess I'm an outlier, but: I can get attracted to a wide range of physical appearances (including age) if the person is empathic and/or intelligent. However, I never get attracted to someone who lacks those attributes, no matter how physically attractive they might be. In fact I find the combination of being physically attractive but cold and or dumb even a bit repulsive.

I don't think you're an outlier.

The numbers behind the OKCupid graph are likely based on physical attractiveness. The conclusion to draw is that men are more likely to find women of a certain age physically attractive.

As you say there are other factors based on which men choose life partners... If it were not so, every single man whether 20 or 99 would be hanging out around college campuses trying to 'pick up chicks'.

Re: In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

#42

Post by fiokoden »

belorn wrote: post #40

A bit surprised that the article don't mention what the OKCupid blog wrote, which is that age is not a good statistical predictor for what man a woman will date. It is however an excellent predictor for men. What is an excellent predictor for what man a woman will date, according to the OKCupid data, is income of the man statistically anchored to the income of the woman. This produce a very similar looking graph to t…

I do not blame women at all for this, totally understandable, but if you are older man without plenty of money, forget it, even if you look OK and are a nice guy, women want the successful man, and why not eh? I'd do the same. Who wants to spend the rest of life scrabbling for money?

Re: In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

#43

Post by thirtyeight »

As a fat, single, balding software developer in his late 30s, this sort of article rather depresses me. It's all very well having ages of attraction, but when you're the mud at the bottom of the dating pool, what does that even matter? Even masturbation is a chore these days.

Re: In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

#44

Post by StavrosK »

fiokoden wrote: post #42
belorn wrote: post #40

A bit surprised that the article don't mention what the OKCupid blog wrote, which is that age is not a good statistical predictor for what man a woman will date. It is however an excellent predictor for men. What is an excellent predictor for what man a woman will date, according to the OKCupid data, is income of the man statistically anchored to the income of the woman. This produce a very similar looking graph to t…

I do not blame women at all for this, totally understandable, but if you are older man without plenty of money, forget it, even if you look OK and are a nice guy, women want the successful man, and why not eh? I'd do the same. Who wants to spend the rest of life scrabbling for money?

It's almost as if men : youth :: women : wealth.

Re: In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

#45

Post by oddlyaromatic »

iUsedToCode wrote: post #21

You cannot cheat biology with feminism or education. Some things are impossible to change overnight, regardless of the social pressure or guilt. Men are attracted to fit, young females. Maybe because women in the past tended to pick not the youngest but the most powerful (in this particular social circle?). Thus humans learned that both parties are ok with age difference. It seems a bit gross, a 70yo with a 25yo girl…

>Even in the press, a guy is more often smart, funny, successful and a girl is beautiful, elegant, and so on. Not always, but more often than not.

You present this as though it supports your point, that you "cannot cheat biology with feminism". To me it's actually more evidence that there is this complicated system running, with multiple feedback loops on multiple levels.

I'm not saying that there is nothing here in terms of biology, of course there is, but the relationship between biology and culture is subtle and complicated. Little in life (maybe nothing) is as pure and simple as many people seem think this issue is.

Re: In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

#46

Post by fiokoden »

StavrosK wrote: post #44
fiokoden wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I do not blame women at all for this, totally understandable, but if you are older man without plenty of money, forget it, even if you look OK and are a nice guy, women want the successful man, and why not eh? I'd do the same. Who wants to spend the rest of life scrabbling for money?

It's almost as if men : youth :: women : wealth.

Maybe. I like women of any age really.

The most appealing thing to me is when I feel comfortable with a woman and have a personality connection PLUS physically attracted.

In general however I think you are spot on correct.

Re: In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

#47

Post by _qbxp »

nils-m-holm wrote: post #27

Only n=1 and I guess I'm an outlier, but: I can get attracted to a wide range of physical appearances (including age) if the person is empathic and/or intelligent. However, I never get attracted to someone who lacks those attributes, no matter how physically attractive they might be. In fact I find the combination of being physically attractive but cold and or dumb even a bit repulsive.

I think there's different things going on here.

If I were to point out women that I find physically attractive solely from a set of pictures, they'd probably skew to the younger side.

But in reality, the important aspects of a life mate for me go way, way, way beyond just being attractive physically. That 23 year old on OKC might spur a momentary sexual fantasy, but never in my right mind would I truly want to date someone of that age.

In other words, I picked my mate because I find her very attractive - physically, intellectually, and emotionally. But that doesn't mean younger women aren't attractive in a putely physical sense.

I'm rambling now.

Re: In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

#48

Post by Fnoord »

agumonkey wrote: post #23
throw92841 wrote: post #3

The classical explanation for this is that men are attracted to fertility while women are attracted to status. I really doubt any self respecting 30 year old woman with a great job is going to find, say, a highschool jock attractive. The appearance of being with someone like that does not do her brand any favors in her social context. She's out of his league. This is probably a little (a lot) reductionist but it prov…

Allow me to throw my own theory: young women want emotional "stability" in seduction/romantic relationships, and young men, lacking experience by definition won't display this, causing more questions and worries, thus going for older men.

Interesting.

I'd like to add, that with people who are of same age, you share being from the same generation. You got similar jingles in your head from commercials and the jokes connect, you heard similar pop music at the age of 16 as well as the age of 5 and 25, you might've seen similar TV series (esp so if your interests align), you experienced your first phone with T9 (whereas a younger person never experienced T9), etc. In short, your reference points are more aligned.

What this also means, generally speaking, is that a younger person is less experienced (not necessarily less intelligent) while an older person is more experienced (not necessarily more intelligent). Wisdom however, comes from experience.

Add to that, that women grow slightly quicker to adolescence and you have a plausible explanation why women seek (slightly) older men but not deviating much so that you speak of different generations.

Re: In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

#49

Post by 201709User »

dropit_sphere wrote: post #4

Is it just me, or am I getting a slut-shaming vibe from the article? Shouldn't women be able to sleep w/whomever w/o worrying about the "market effect"?

No, it's a slut who is shaming. A nuanced but crucial distinction.

Re: In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older

#50

Post by soVeryTired »

belorn wrote: post #40

A bit surprised that the article don't mention what the OKCupid blog wrote, which is that age is not a good statistical predictor for what man a woman will date. It is however an excellent predictor for men. What is an excellent predictor for what man a woman will date, according to the OKCupid data, is income of the man statistically anchored to the income of the woman. This produce a very similar looking graph to t…

I'd be interested to see a reference for that if you've got one
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