How to make a friend fast • Hacker News Board

Re: How to make a friend fast

#41

Post by kome » Mon, Jul 10, 2017, 12:56 AM UTC

enraged_camel wrote: post #30

ams6110 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I'm not German (except by ancestry) and I get really uncomfortable when conversations go like that. Why is this guy trying to convince me he's such a great dad? What's his angle with that? I would definitely not take something like that as a sincere "personal disclosure" from someone I'd never met. I'd take it as more like a greasy salesman tactic.

I guess if you're a cynical person you will look for an "angle" in everything people say or do. Living life like that must be miserable.

I agree with you.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#42

Post by kome » Mon, Jul 10, 2017, 12:57 AM UTC

camillomiller wrote: post #14

enraged_camel wrote: post #8

After a two year period of watching my boss interact with people, I can confirm that this method works extremely well. He is a "natural", in the sense that he can form close bonds with people incredibly quickly. At first I thought he was using some sort of secret strategy, but after a while I noticed that he was simply sharing personal details about himself (which the article refers to as "self-disclosure") without b…

Good luck doing that in Germany without being seeing as a weird egomaniac

It works really well in Germany as well, if you do it right. Also Germans are human, after all.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#43

Post by phaed » Mon, Jul 10, 2017, 1:00 AM UTC

I think I might have permanently damaged my vision with that #FFF on #000 color scheme. I still see text floating in the air.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#44

Post by [deleted] » Mon, Jul 10, 2017, 1:04 AM UTC

ams6110 wrote: post #29

camillomiller wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good luck doing that in Germany without being seeing as a weird egomaniac

Yeah I'm not German (except by ancestry) and I get really uncomfortable when conversations go like that. Why is this guy trying to convince me he's such a great dad? What's his angle with that? I would definitely not take something like that as a sincere "personal disclosure" from someone I'd never met. I'd take it as more like a greasy salesman tactic.

[deleted]

Re: How to make a friend fast

#45

Post by jodrellblank » Mon, Jul 10, 2017, 1:06 AM UTC

Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality ( http://www.hpmor.com ), Chapter 7:

"""Draco giggled. "Yeah, right. Anyway... to answer what you asked..." Draco took a deep breath, and his face turned serious. "Father once missed a Wizengamot vote for me. I was on a broom and I fell off and broke a lot of ribs. It really hurt. I'd never hurt that much before and I thought I was going to die. So Father missed this really important vote, because he was there by my bed at St. Mungo's, holding my hands and promising me that I was going to be okay."

Harry glanced away uncomfortably, then, with an effort, forced himself to look back at Draco. "Why are you telling me that? It seems sort of... private..."

Draco gave Harry a serious look. "One of my tutors once said that people form close friendships by knowing private things about each other, and the reason most people don't make close friends is because they're too embarrassed to share anything really important about themselves." Draco turned his palms out invitingly. "Your turn?""""

Re: How to make a friend fast

#46

Post by [deleted] » Mon, Jul 10, 2017, 1:08 AM UTC

mettamage wrote: post #10

enraged_camel wrote: post #8

After a two year period of watching my boss interact with people, I can confirm that this method works extremely well. He is a "natural", in the sense that he can form close bonds with people incredibly quickly. At first I thought he was using some sort of secret strategy, but after a while I noticed that he was simply sharing personal details about himself (which the article refers to as "self-disclosure") without b…

After having read about self-disclosure I started doing this and never looked back. Also I forgot that I had it from reading a psychology experiment. I've learned that it mostly works. In some cases though people see you as someone who doesn't always say something relevant. What also works (more specifically) is: you share a certain secret about you, and if that person has a similar secret you get to hear it as well.…

[deleted]

Re: How to make a friend fast

#47

Post by waqf » Mon, Jul 10, 2017, 1:09 AM UTC

ecdh wrote: post #28

camillomiller wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good luck doing that in Germany without being seeing as a weird egomaniac

What a rude way to make a point. Maybe you meant something like "Interestingly, the same approach would be perceived differently in Germany I think, and would perhaps come off as egotistical"

Maybe you would be better served by a less confrontational way of making your own point, perhaps something like "I think your otherwise valid point would be made more effectively if it were couched in less emotionally abrasive language, such as 'I think the same approach would be perceived differently in Germany, perhaps coming off as egotistical.'"

Re: How to make a friend fast

#48

Post by 77pt77 » Mon, Jul 10, 2017, 1:10 AM UTC

ams6110 wrote: post #29

camillomiller wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good luck doing that in Germany without being seeing as a weird egomaniac

Yeah I'm not German (except by ancestry) and I get really uncomfortable when conversations go like that. Why is this guy trying to convince me he's such a great dad? What's his angle with that? I would definitely not take something like that as a sincere "personal disclosure" from someone I'd never met. I'd take it as more like a greasy salesman tactic.

This kind of "cultivated extroversion" is a very american quality.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#49

Post by niclupien » Mon, Jul 10, 2017, 1:16 AM UTC

phaed wrote: post #43

I think I might have permanently damaged my vision with that #FFF on #000 color scheme. I still see text floating in the air.

I use Materialistic HN reader for Android and I just turn on readability.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#50

Post by mariodiana » Mon, Jul 10, 2017, 1:20 AM UTC

ams6110 wrote: post #29

camillomiller wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good luck doing that in Germany without being seeing as a weird egomaniac

Yeah I'm not German (except by ancestry) and I get really uncomfortable when conversations go like that. Why is this guy trying to convince me he's such a great dad? What's his angle with that? I would definitely not take something like that as a sincere "personal disclosure" from someone I'd never met. I'd take it as more like a greasy salesman tactic.

I don't know if you're familiar with the title (it's a classic on the subject), but my understanding is that, in China, Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is sold under the title: "The Weaknesses of Human Nature."

One more anecdote about that book. In his Playboy interview, Marlon Brando referred to it as "a book on hustling."

I bring this up because for some crazy reason, in the United States, this kind of "interpersonal communications" stuff is promoted as a great thing. And yet, like you say, it boils down to a person having an angle. I read that book when I was a freshman in college and thought it was fantastic. A little while later though I read the Marlon Brando interview, and after my initial shock I realized that he was basically right.

For every individual who develops a "genuine interest in other people" (as the book implores its readers to do), there have to be five or ten others who read that book and think only how it will help them make a buck.

At least the Chinese are unsentimental about it.