Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?

A person not being nice to you, or being an ass in general, is not bullying. I don't think you'll get a positive outcome here if you frame this situation as being 'bullied' so I'd suggest using a different approach.

What I do see (and of course, it is a real problem) is that perhaps you and the PO seem to have a personality conflict. This is obviously an issue because you clearly don't want it to exist and of course are in a vulnerable position being so new to the company.

The first thing you need to do, regardless of your fear, is to sit down and talk with her. You need to explain that you clearly started off on the wrong foot, and ask her directly if there is anything you can do to change things. Her position is one of the following: She doesn't realize or intend to have this affect on you; she thinks you are incompetent or; she is just an ass or dislikes you for some irrelevant reason. By talking to her directly, you have a good chance of solving this problem if her position is one of the first two. (You don't have to like what she offers, but the idea is to assign motive here.)

If something constructive comes out of that, pursue it. If she is just an ass, or if you try something for a while and you continue to have issues, then you can talk to your Coach. I wouldn't talk to HR without first talking to your direct supervisor though. As your manager they deserve the respect of being allowed to solve this issue first. At that point, you also have your conversation and any remedial steps to refer to in that conversation as well.

If that doesn't work, you should look for a new position. You can tell HR the issue on the exit interview if you want. To be honest, if your manager can't address this issue to your satisfaction, HR won't either.

Finally: If you can't sit and have a conversation with your PO directly in which you are able to articulate your position for whatever reason, you should probably just start looking for a new job regardless. Communication is essential to your success at work. If you can't communicate, whether it is "your fault" or "her fault", you won't be successful. May as well cut to the chase. If this is the case though, you need to be clear and honest with yourself though about why you are coming to this conclusion. There is more than one person out there that is going to be hard to work with... at some point you need to be able to address these types of conflicts in a way that is constructive and that works for you beyond simply removing yourself from the situation entirely.

I wish you the best of luck. These things are never fun, but they are inevitable given human nature.

This is a key realization.

Assuming you really want to stay at the company, you should speak directly to the PO if you can keep from being defensive/angry/frustrated.

To be specific, first talk to your direct supervisor/boss and explain that you would like to improve your relationship with the PO. You have to mean this, of course, but tell your supervisor that your only goal in talking to the PO is to make the relationship better and so ask your sup if it's ok that you chat with her and ask for any guidance on how to do that effectively (this is less about getting advice from the sup and more of a check in since s/he is responsible for you).

Assuming your supervisor buys into you chatting with her, then set up a time to chat with the PO. Specifically address where you think things went wrong, why they went wrong and propose how you think it can be better (use the argument you had, your role in it and how you should've handled it differently as an example of how you'll interact differently in the future). And then ask her how you can make it better. It might not be fair that the burden is all on you in this situation, but based on what you're saying about the PO's standing in the company it sounds like the burden is on you.

You absolutely can salvage this relationship assuming the PO is a reasonable person, but the key is the burden is on you to fix it. Talking to the PO won't magically make her a different person, but great working relationships can be founded on once-toxic situations. If the risk in talking to her is too great, listen to the many people who are saying stay quiet, do great work and find another gig.