Earlier quoted context omitted.
The good guys pay me money for insurance, I promise to release my team of ruthless lawyers on anyone that sue them, the patent trolls see my scary lawyers and don't sue. Doesn't that work?
It doesn't work with Patent Trolls (AKA Non Practicing Entities). What is the team of scary lawyers going to do? Since the trolls don't actually have a business or product, you can't sue them for patents they infringe. And their whole business is litigating patents, so tying them up in court is not exactly a deterrent. The trolls themselves are often lawyers, or just a company that employs lawyers on retainer.
Lawyers can make a considerable amount of money, any disruption to the Patent Trolls' game will severely reduce their numbers. These Patent trolls, as you said, are often lawyers and by tying them up in court you are costing them profitability. Every non-settlement forces them to go to court and actually fight.
This is how the courts work: Out-of-court settlements are frequent and are preferred as it saves a Judge's time for real cases, however mass submission and withdrawal of suits are seen as a waste of the courts time and effort. A fair amount of cases end up in front of a judge before settlement, if these end up being withdrawn (and the judge will know it's withdrawn not settled) you're going to be in bad credence with a judge. Pissing off a judge is a big no-no. Patent Trolls will be pissing off multiple judges, which is like putting a shotgun in your career's mouth and pulling the trigger.
An insurance agency that fights patent trolls would be ideal. Offer $X amount of legal fee coverage for $Y a month, get a few talented lawyers and a fair amount of paralegals. Once word gets out, the majority of the work can be performed by paralegals (essentially everything up until you're standing in front of a jury-or-equivalent can be performed by paralegals) as no troll will want their time tied up. Eventually, only Trolls with a fair-case will fight, you then have 3 options to give your clients: offer them your lawyers' services/suggest settling/wish them good luck elsewhere. It would be a sort of no-case-no-extra-fee's deal.
Lawyer's typically bill by the 6-minute interval, and frequently charge 100's of dollars an hour. In fact 1-2 billed hours is typically a lawyers daily pay, and they may still have 6-8 hours on top of what they're billing clients. If you start consuming these lawyers time, their profitability drops, especially considering they require settlements for their pay. They're invested in the 'easy win', which isn't conducive to fighting a drawn out case. If companies actually start going through with the court battles, the payment is potentially delayed anywhere from 3-months to 3-years.