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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#391

Post by alwaysdoit »

helterskelter wrote: post #354
planet36 wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And "Remember their name".

Hah. I'm ADHD and I used to be terrible about remembering people's names -- like, their names didn't even register and I couldn't tell you what it was 30 seconds later. It wasn't that I didn't care about the person, it was just that their name would never stick. Anyway, I finally made enough people feel bad and embarrassed myself enough that I started compensating and made a point to remember basically everybody's na…

I wish the protocol was to introduce your name about 5-15 minutes into the conversation because then I would have some other information to attach it to. When it's the first piece of information I receive I think my brain just doesn't really know where to put it and it gets lost immediately. The "use their name several times in the first conversation" trick is a good workaround for this.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#392

Post by globular-toast »

alistairSH wrote: post #373
globular-toast wrote: post #362

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> As opposed to what, our ancient hunter gatherer lifestyle? Gardening, building things, maintenance, walking to the market etc. I used to go to the gym but now I have a house and stuff to do it feels insane that I used my muscles to do useless work for so long.

I really don't know what to say, that was such an odd/funny take... I have a house and stuff, and still go to the gym at 5:30 every morning, as a supplement to my running and cycling. I guess my cycling is an artificial substitute for riding a horse? ;)

It's an artificial substitute for riding to work or to the supermarket etc.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#393

Post by komali2 »

chasd00 wrote: post #272
alexmuresan wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

If Books Could Kill did an episode on How to Win Friends and Influence People, it's an interesting listen. iirc the book was written by someone documenting what they learned while breaking into high society or some other class they were not a part of. So it's not so much about manipulating people but more about stroking egos and being as agreeable as possible to avoid any conflict. The podcasters make the point that…

Huh, having read the book and about Dale Carnegie, I completely disagree with that take. There's plenty of stories where he does the opposite of avoiding conflict and faces it straight on - such as when he just ignores a cop's random order for him to keep his dog on a leash at the park.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#394

Post by IdiotSavage »

an0malous wrote: post #99
jaapz wrote: post #75

> I asked him a question, he answered and left. I guess he didn't want to talk If you have anxiety about talking to strangers, just remember that 99% of the time when someone doesn't really want to talk, this happens. Not really that scary after all

My fear is I’m socially awkward, I might do or say something I genuinely didn’t know was awkward, and that person will make a TikTok video of me and ruin my life. I’ve seen videos from people posting about “creeps at the gym” and it’s just a guy looking in the direction of the girl taking the video, and it seems like just looking in the general direction of someone for too long could make you a public example of a cr…

Luckily people don't film in my gym, but watching Joey Swoll [1] I've seen plenty of idiots (often young women) who try to make someone in the background of their video look bad. It's always completely obvious that the person in the background (who probably doesn't want to be filmed) is not staring or being a creep, even though heavy zoom and slow-motion is used to "prove" something. Ridiculous.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/@thejoeyswoll/videos

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#395

Post by nathanielks »

tomjen3 wrote: post #345
philangist wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Hey sorry, I've got some things on my mind right now and can't really talk. Have a nice day though". That takes less than 10 seconds to say, let's you protect your time and peace of mind, and as a bonus there's no need for fuming, blaming, and judging that the other person won't ever even know about.

>let's you protect your time and peace of mind Not even close.

> If not, I will not let you know.

This is 100% completely on you, then. If you don't inform people you're being interrupted or that what they are doing is bothering you, they have no data to telling them to stop, and any energy you spend on silently judging them or being frustrated is only harming yourself.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#396

Post by c-c-c-c-c »

Nice! I have been struggling to make friends at my current gym after moving to a new country, people seem way less friendly at just this gym which feels weird. Debating switching gyms because of it.

For socializing i usually go out dancing, long raves are usually good and gay guys are often very happy to talk, probably helps that I take my shirt off. Just need to keep out from the dark room from now on.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#398

Post by hnlmorg »

wordpressed wrote: post #316
nasir wrote: post #27

Around 15 years ago I took on the challenge to start a conversation with random people to break through this barrier and train this muscle. What I started with was to chit chat with those I had already established an interaction. For example at the Starbucks I would say something to barista. Those interactions were short but broke the ice. Later I went for random people in the street and that was quite awkward. There…

I'm not saying this is you, but i've also ran into a lot of those people, almost always men, often in their late 30s or 40s, going around talking to everyone cracking jokes and thinking they're the live of the party, while everyone else is just silently annoyed by them.

That’s a depressingly negative way to view people who are just trying to break the isolation of modern life.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#399

Post by gverrilla »

pkos98 wrote: post #116
grunder_advice wrote: post #108

I feel, like a lot of 21st century life is trying to do things artificially. Going to the gym, talking to strangers at the gym, ... these are both artifical replacements for human activity that is missing. You go to the gym because your daily routine isn't active enough. You try to form friendships with strangers because your daily routine lacks real and fulfilling interactions with other people. Also it's kind of od…

Indeed, it's the underlying principle of "division of labor". Karl Marx' coined the term "Alienation" for describing most of the negative societal/human consequences of this principle, leading to isolation of humans "from themselves" (their natural will to construct something whole meaningful, not just complete a task in a process, but also isolation between humans themselves)

Completely wrong in many dimensions.

Source: Karl Marx

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