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The Never Married, a New Normal

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Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#391

Post by Capricorn2481 »

anonzzzies wrote: post #266
Capricorn2481 wrote: post #263

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wouldn't want to marry someone I can't figure out money with. For me and my GF, I make more so I pay more, for the reason you listed. I don't find that to be a problem, and not everyone can make a tech salary

But you also ‘give’ her money because you make more (or all)? So when you break up, she doesn’t live on the street? Even if she is the one that does the breaking? If it’s not 50/50 as in married/no prenup, you are valuing her to some amount you made up (together?); even if it’s only x% of spending, that’s also a valuation. Is there a yearly inflation correction? Balance of power is firmly in the corner of the largest…

Really? You don't see how it might be healthier if someone arbitrarily making more money because other industries are undervalued doesn't force their partner to share half the expenses while they live comfortably? If my partner is making 2k a month and has to pay half their income for our rent, that seems way more stressful to them than the potential "balance of power" if I chip in more (because I can?).

You're thinking a little too hard about it, and it comes off like this nickel and diming is gonna kill a relationship more than the financial asymmetry itself. We've talked through expectations through the relationship and what happens if we break up, and we're both happy. You have so many question marks I don't know what's rhetorical or what isn't, but no, she's not gonna be homeless if we break up because she has a career.

> you are valuing her to some amount you made up (together?)

We just pay for rent and shared expenses proportionally to our income. We don't monitor it super closely, rent is always your biggest expense, so it's not a big deal if I pay for dinner once or she does.

And to say my relationship is unhealthy because of this really shows your world view. Maybe a relationship is all about money to you, but we value each other for reasons beyond that.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#392

Post by KenArrari »

emodendroket wrote: post #127

> Cohabitation has become a popular alternative; living together is a less complicated relationship model that comes with an easy escape hatch (compared with marriage) if the relationship fails This seems like a bit of a false promise... Once you commingle finances, own a house together, have children, and so on, there's no "easy escape hatch." Plus thinking of having an "easy escape hatch" probably does not do wonde…

It means you can gradually slide into that level of commitment without having to explicitly think about and decide to make that level of commitment.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#393

Post by Veen »

WastingMyTime89 wrote: post #387
Veen wrote: post #378

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also, and perhaps primarily, a vow.

Extremely American way of looking at it. Here in France most of my friends have been in committed relationships and living together for years, some have children, only one couple is married. Marriage is an holdover from a time far removed which is both utterly useless and slightly paternalistic.

I’m not American, thank you. Also, there were almost a quarter of a million marriages in France in 2022.

https://www.statista.com/statistics/464239/total-number-marr...

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#394

Post by cultofmetatron »

saghm wrote: post #382
cultofmetatron wrote: post #338

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it sounds like whoever you think you would have married otherwise is the one who's dodging a bullet. Thats some next level bullshit. you're saying that because I'm scared of getting into a marriage, that she's the one "who's dodging a bullet" Put another way, if a woman said she was scared of getting married, would you tell her that the man she would have married is "dodging a bullet?" obviously not, it would be an…

The issue isn't that you're afraid of getting married, it's that you're so fixated on lumping together entire 50% of the population into a bucket that you don't realize you don't marry an entire gender, you marry an individual. If you aren't able to get to the point with a potential spouse that you view them as unique and special to you and worthy of trust regardless of what demographic groups they happen to be a mem…

> fixated on lumping together entire 50% of the population into a bucket

its not about fixating 50% into the bucket. its about incentives. there are plenty of good women for sure. the issue is there's a lot of predators out there too. And they will look and act like someone you'd want to marry. right up till its too late. You want to deny that most divorces are initiated by women? that women get custody (and the house) most of the time and that family courts are incentivized to do so because they GET A CUT? fine. But don't lecture me like I'm somehow being a less than moral person for pointing out the very obvious hazard.

If you meet the right person, go ahead and get married. but don't go in without knowing that its a one sided agreement that doesn't benefit men in the slightest.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#395

Post by orhmeh09 »

WastingMyTime89 wrote: post #387
Veen wrote: post #378

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also, and perhaps primarily, a vow.

Extremely American way of looking at it. Here in France most of my friends have been in committed relationships and living together for years, some have children, only one couple is married. Marriage is an holdover from a time far removed which is both utterly useless and slightly paternalistic.

I think your view is an extremely Western way of looking at it. Maybe examine attitudes in India for example. Also Indonesia and many others; possibly a supermajority of people in the world, even.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#397

Post by elzbardico »

monissiddiqui wrote: post #257
hotpotamus wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If a society didn't find some way to last beyond the lifespan of a human, then it wouldn't be much of a society.

It's surprising how individualistic people are in developed countries. They are literally self-selecting themselves out of the gene pool! Just goes to show "smart" does not mean wise. Apparently making sure humanity doesn't continue on to the next generation isn't considered a moral responsibility. And they get salty wondering why religious communities will be the majority throughout time. I guess these governments w…

People in the West have an inflated sense of self-importance.

People with absolutely boring stupid bullshit jobs talk about their "careers" in a way you'd think they are Marie Curie or Enrico Fermi when what they do is basically sell some useless stuff and spend their days in meetings with other self-important corporate drones.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#399

Post by bennettnate5 »

Prickle wrote: post #256
ngngngng wrote: post #183

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That’s called Mormonism

[flagged]

Statistically speaking, Mormons have one of the lowest rates of divorce among religions in America, at least when looking at marital status [1]. Only Hinduism has a lower rate of divorced individuals.

That being said, I'm sorry that was your personal experience growing up. Statistics don't change the fact that individual experiences can really suck, and if it was the case that most of the Mormon membership around you were as terrible as you imply then that's rough.

[1] - https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/religious-landscape-stu...

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#400

Post by andromeduck »

madrox wrote: post #107
silverquiet wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try putting "I'd like someone willing to sacrifice a lot of ego and choose to give up a lot of freedom and self" into Tinder and see how it goes. And as bad as the dating apps are, I never got the impression that people were evaluating each other on much more than superficial metrics in the old school dating world anyway.

In my experience, all dating is superficial in the beginning, and attempting to short-circuit that process never really works in the long run. You can't speedrun getting to know someone. This is why "dating milestones" are such a trope.

Idk about that. If interests are aligned and chemistry is okay, things tend to just work out.
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