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Nine things I learned in ninety years

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Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#381

Post by hattmall »

kakacik wrote: post #379
kinnth wrote: post #267

I really love reading the wisdom of older people. Society really dismisses everyone over 80, but I find myself having deep interesting connections with a few people much older than myself (38). Something society always neglects is that everyone goes through the same thoughts time and time again. We all make mistakes and we learn our own way, but when someone's 90, they really have done a lot of it all before. Even if…

You are of course absolutely right, but its more complex. When I look around me at my family, people there and already gone, one of the issue is communication and whole mental model of reality. Younger generations live emotionally richer lives. Or maybe thats not the best description, but something along that. I can't talk about deeper emotions even with my parents, the generational gap is absolutely huge. They never…

Interesting perspective but with all of that experience are you not able to communicate with them in their way? This seems a bit like missing the forest for the trees, people are no less thoughtful or complex based on where they've lived or what they've done. The experiences you are learning from came at a cost of the experiences like those of your parents, those experiences shape their communication. There is absolutely a multitude of wisdom only age and their experiences can create but you have to learn to bridge the gap.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#382

Post by kakacik »

coldtea wrote: post #127
shark1 wrote: post #59

> "...happiness to become one’s default state of mind." I have read psychologists saying that "happiness as default state" is a social construct myth of modern times. You cannot be happy all the time, the fact of being unhappy sometimes is what drives you self-reflect and to chase meaning to your life. To feel pleasure you need to feel some pain.

> I have read psychologists saying that "happiness as default state" is a social construct myth of modern times. Psychologists are what's the actual social construct myth of modern times. > You cannot be happy all the time That's not what "happiness as default state" implies though. It's about happiness being the disposition you opt for, as opposed to wallowing in misery and seeing fault in everything as your baselin…

Nope, its still vast majority of situation, not a healthy setup for most people. Is being content with one's life a state of happiness or just state of content?

We are splitting hairs here but since happiness is considered the ultimate goal and state (what's beyond that if its not the end?), I would say aim for being content with your life as a baseline, jump to an actual happiness when stars align and revert back.

Its cool enough place to be and definitely more maintainable long term, and as mentioned a seldom dip to misery is a very valuable correction and reminder to all how fleeting this all is.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#383

Post by stavros »

astura wrote: post #206
nly wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Those are some strangely arbitrary not-virtues.

It's a shitty conservative talking point called the 'Success Sequence.' https://archive.is/9Onj3

Why is this downvoted? The "success sequence" seems to be pretty much word-for-word what the GP comment said.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#384

Post by eastbound »

yobbo wrote: post #344
eastbound wrote: post #317

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was searching for what to answer people who attribute everything I’ve done to luck. There’s the classic “It’s strange because the more I work the more I’m lucky”, but that’s very condescending. Thank you for offering me a positive alternative. In a sense it makes me owe work to my society.

I think it's more correct to attribute what you receive to luck, rather than what you give. On the other hand, if you received nothing in return for your work, would you do it?

Again, this is the filthy accusation that people have scammed their way.

You’ve written one reasoning-in-absurdum, now write the opposite side.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#385

Post by rfwhyte »

SoftTalker wrote: post #353
ropable wrote: post #36

> what an outsized role is played by luck This speaks to me. So much of our life circumstances are beyond our control (parents, genetics, geography, society, wider economy, etc.) It's humbling, how much of our success or failure is influenced by pure chance.

Luck is ambition and preparation combined with opportunity. Lots of people pass or aren't prepared to do what is neccessary when opportunity presents itself. The people who are, are called "lucky"

Guess the child born into abject poverty in a war-torn country in sub-Saharan Africa who died before their 5th birthday due to malnutrition and disease just didn't properly prepare or have enough ambition then right?

Classic survivorship bias BS.

The privileged always think the people on top got their through their hard work and ambition, and those on the bottom just lacked the strength of character to succeed and give no consideration whatsoever to the structural / systemic conditions created by those on top to ensure they remain there, and no consideration paid to how said conditions disproportionately negatively impact those on the bottom.

Must be nice to sit all the way up there on high and look down on the world with such a smug sense of superiority.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#386

Post by tonyhart7 »

fuzzfactor wrote: post #369
tonyhart7 wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Nowadays things are different" but is the modern way better??? or people just don't want to be held accountable if things go south in traditional way????

Not my downvote but I do usually see things going south in a traditional way more as a consequence of tradition itself of some kind, overcoming the better judgement it would have required to avoid such a fate.

but you can apply the same thing to modern way, both are have cons here

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#387

Post by ropable »

larsnystrom wrote: post #165
ropable wrote: post #36

> what an outsized role is played by luck This speaks to me. So much of our life circumstances are beyond our control (parents, genetics, geography, society, wider economy, etc.) It's humbling, how much of our success or failure is influenced by pure chance.

On the other hand, many things attributed to chance are actually the aggregate effect of other people's choices. If we make choices based on not just what's best for ourselves but what's best for all of us, we will all suddenly become more "lucky". And vice versa, if we only think about ourselves that luck will diminish.

Couldn't agree more. Many (most?) of our opportunities are afforded by the family, community and society in which we grew up. Of course individual talent and choices make a difference, but it's my feeling that many people wildly underestimate how much their external life circumstances contribute to their success or happiness. In fairness, it goes against our sense of self-efficacy.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#388

Post by ropable »

flanked-evergl wrote: post #50
ropable wrote: post #36

> what an outsized role is played by luck This speaks to me. So much of our life circumstances are beyond our control (parents, genetics, geography, society, wider economy, etc.) It's humbling, how much of our success or failure is influenced by pure chance.

An even more outsized role is played by a virtuous life. It may not make you a billionaire, but if you finish high school, get a full-time job once you finish school, get married before you have children, then you are quite likely to have a good life. We are doing a disservice to our fellow man by not telling them this truth.

I don't entirely disagree, however: it's a far sight easier to live a "virtuous" life if you weren't born into poverty, or with a mental illness, or in a country that is actively at war, etc. These things are all beyond our control, as are so many other things. Luck.

It's obviously always possible to make the best of bad circumstances (and make the worst of good circumstances!) but it's easier to "win" when you're dealt a good hand.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#389

Post by AuthAuth »

spacebuffer wrote: post #265

> 3) to consider what others may be thinking and feeling Personally I find myself often considering how other people might feel too much and end up being a people pleaser, so I need to work on that aspect of my social skills

This section was the hardest for me to understand. I personally don't like the idea of building a mental theory of mind and then evaluating your responses based on how you think someone might react. I prefer to be authentic in my action even when I know it is going to be ill received or not be in my advantage. I do what I do for a reason and I have to trust my internal compass. If after all that my actions are taken the wrong way then I accept that. Self reflection to keep myself in check, most of the time i stand by what I said. You cant live life without being mean, rude, offensive sometimes thats what the situation calls for.

But maybe im an asshole, I genuinely have no idea.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#390

Post by yobbo »

eastbound wrote: post #384
yobbo wrote: post #344

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it's more correct to attribute what you receive to luck, rather than what you give. On the other hand, if you received nothing in return for your work, would you do it?

Again, this is the filthy accusation that people have scammed their way. You’ve written one reasoning-in-absurdum, now write the opposite side.

No, it is not an accusation.

If you accept that the world is not "just" (just-world-fallacy), then you will also believe that rewards are indeterministic. It follows that rewards are attributed to luck, while effort and results are (by definition) not.

There is no accusation of dishonesty in this argument, and no need to feel accused of scamming.

(One point is that people who persist longer, receive more awards because the "area" under their luck-curve is larger. And people who have lots bad luck in the beginning get discouraged and stop trying ...)

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