Tbh, I'm surprised there aren't any federated dating sites. Not sure that will magically fix all the issues with current dating platforms, but removing the profit motive while making hosting sustainable seems like a win.
The dating app paradox
381–390 of 570 posts
Re: The dating app paradox
#382Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Considering that what people want from dating apps is sex and partners, and that both are easier to obtain from people of matching attractiveness. But people don't have an accurate perception of matching attractiveness. The average person is a 5 who thinks they're an 8. And they've been looking at celebrities rather than average people, so if you match them with a 5 then they'll think that's a 3.
And yet the overwhelming majority of people of average attractiveness have mated and formed couples and married since forever. So that's possible. If an app is not able to match them, must be a failure of the app, not of nature.
> And yet the overwhelming majority of people of average attractiveness have mated and formed couples and married since forever.
This was true up until a few decades now, but the rate of all of that is now declining precipitously.
> If an app is not able to match them, must be a failure of the app, not of nature.
Or there is a broader societal problem causing a decline in all forms of dating, not just apps.
Re: The dating app paradox
#383The problem with dating apps is that most people on there are looking for validation and dopamine hits, not actual dates. The value of the dating app for most people is the dopamine hit they receive upon getting a new connection and the expectation that when they open it again they might see someone new and interesting. Once they’ve gotten the validation of the match there is very little reason to move forward with a…
// Once they’ve gotten the validation of the match there is very little reason to move forward with an actual date
You gotta give'em a reason!
Re: The dating app paradox
#384Earlier quoted context omitted.
I see your point here - and I do agree, from experience, people sometimes express a desire for a bit of reality distortion in dating (we often heard that they want the experience to feel more like 'fate' or 'chance' than overly engineered). That said, I don't fully agree with the idea that there's a uniform concept of x/10 scale for daters and that they uniformly will balk at those below that uniform rating and there…
Body type is a significant factor for way more than 50%. People lie on surveys because they feel guilty for being superficial.
> Body type is a significant factor for way more than 50%. People lie on surveys because they feel guilty for being superficial.
I think you are extrapolating your own view. You have no way of knowing what they feel and even for an educated guess you do not know which country/social class/occupation those users tend to be from in the app being discussed.
Re: The dating app paradox
#385Former dating app founder here - lots of thoughts on the space - feel free to AMA High level though, there's a lot of human behavior which makes dating frustrating with or without apps. At it's core, even in the best case, dating has A LOT of rejection. Dating apps introduce more opportunity for incremental validation (you got liked!) but also incremental rejection (you got ghosted!) and the sheer number of interacti…
> and the sheer number of interactions that lead to nothing is much higher and more quantifiable than IRL
I've done tons of online dating and used to bartend so I'm around single IRL people all the time. I absolutely have far, far more "successful interactions" in OLD, unless you're also referring to chatting, which is pointless to even discuss. I'm referring to actually meeting the person and whether that turns out success in whatever way someone considers that.
If I go out to a bar and hang out, and potentially start talking to some new woman for hours knowing absolutely nothing about her - I have no idea if she's attracted to me, nor single, etc. I've probably spent thousands of hours casually talking to someone I may find interesting only to find out before they leave that they're either not interested or not single or not hetero, whatever.
I'm not one to ever care about rejection but the fact that people take it personally in OLD and call it "ghosting" when someone you've matched with and don't connect with through chatting and move forward to meet and etc is absolutely pathetic.
Re: The dating app paradox
#386Earlier quoted context omitted.
As well as regulating them, Western governments might want to actually fund high-quality, not-for-profit dating systems of some kind. Improved health for citizens, lessened extremism, not to mention possibly boosted population growth could result.
The Tokyo city government launched its own dating app recently. News article: https://www.scmp.com/week-asia/people/article/3248989/will-j... Previous HN discussion: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39060790
> A test version will be released later this year
Re: The dating app paradox
#387Former dating app founder here - lots of thoughts on the space - feel free to AMA High level though, there's a lot of human behavior which makes dating frustrating with or without apps. At it's core, even in the best case, dating has A LOT of rejection. Dating apps introduce more opportunity for incremental validation (you got liked!) but also incremental rejection (you got ghosted!) and the sheer number of interacti…
> and the sheer number of interactions that lead to nothing is much higher and more quantifiable than IRL I've done tons of online dating and used to bartend so I'm around single IRL people all the time. I absolutely have far, far more "successful interactions" in OLD, unless you're also referring to chatting, which is pointless to even discuss. I'm referring to actually meeting the person and whether that turns out…
The reason why people hate ghosting is because it is not explicit rejection. It wastes your time by making you wait in a state of uncertainty.
Re: The dating app paradox
#388Earlier quoted context omitted.
As well as regulating them, Western governments might want to actually fund high-quality, not-for-profit dating systems of some kind. Improved health for citizens, lessened extremism, not to mention possibly boosted population growth could result.
I've thought for a while now that it is a matter of national interest that your population couples up and has children. It's immensely important for the success of a nation and it's odd that the majority of how people meet now is through data apps and that there is no oversight over these at all. They have every incentive to match you with someone you are more likely to have a short term relationship than match you w…
That's what everyone says but they're just Maginot lining it. There's a new frontier: gametogenesis, embryo sequencing, and paid surrogacy if not artificial gestation. When that frontier opens the storyline changes.
That's the real paradigm shift.
Re: The dating app paradox
#389Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Apps are more transparent and equitable with how they expose profiles to other users. Don't bias toward highly liked people to increase perceived "quality" and shadow-hide show profiles that aren't liked often (and then ask them to pay lol). Show people more randomly, to better represent the true cross section of people on the app. This won't work; if you do this, you'll expose that the average online dating user i…
> "online dating is only for the ugly and desperate"; the article points out that this is the way Gen Z perceives online dating already. The article notes that Gen Z usage of dating apps is down, but it's not clear to me it's because they think it's low status. (Polo is unpopular, but it's high status.) Do you have more info on why Gen Z isn't using dating apps? It being low status is certainly possible, but lower ov…
When people say Gen Z are they talking about Gen Z in America or Gen Z on Earth? I notice many qualities ascribed to Gen Z seem to be completely alien to Gen Z where I live which makes me suspect that these qualities are simply random variation and correlation hunting, and not inherent to that cohort’s formative experiences (smartphones, covid, etc).
Re: The dating app paradox
#390Former dating app founder here - lots of thoughts on the space - feel free to AMA High level though, there's a lot of human behavior which makes dating frustrating with or without apps. At it's core, even in the best case, dating has A LOT of rejection. Dating apps introduce more opportunity for incremental validation (you got liked!) but also incremental rejection (you got ghosted!) and the sheer number of interacti…
> and the sheer number of interactions that lead to nothing is much higher and more quantifiable than IRL I've done tons of online dating and used to bartend so I'm around single IRL people all the time. I absolutely have far, far more "successful interactions" in OLD, unless you're also referring to chatting, which is pointless to even discuss. I'm referring to actually meeting the person and whether that turns out…
> I have no idea if she's attracted to me, nor single, etc. I've probably spent thousands of hours casually talking to someone I may find interesting only to find out before they leave that they're either not interested or not single or not hetero, whatever.
Most of those _were_ interested, but decided you weren't a match.