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Never waste a midlife crisis

austinkleon.com

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#381

Post by boesboes »

sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

Wow, 3 years, that's a long way. Congratz on making it this far and good luck on the road still ahead.

39yo here, just stopped shy of a full burn-out & after a month with a lot of confusion, crying and panic decided to hand in my notice. That helped a lot, but I'm not really well yet ~3 months in. Mainly sleep is an issue. My body seems to enjoy triggering tiny panic attacks when I'm falling asleep, which makes falling a sleep complicated >_I've been struggeling with sleep and anger issues for many years now, but it had come to a point where I did not want to accept being angry anymore. Anger turned into crying and despair, but that is frankly progress. I got some help, it was not great, but it helped me understand a lot about myself. In the end, this gave me the courage to quit and think about life in a different way.

Now I just have to figure out where to go from here. Stick with what I know and do it better or do something different entirely. Not a clue how to figure that one out yet.

Anyway, thank you for sharing. It's good hearing from other people that went through similar things.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#382

Post by MailleQuiMaille »

How can I prepare for this ? A lot of the comments mention work, which I’ve already chosen to give less importance in my life, money, which I make enough of for now, family, which I don’t have for now but in progress and overall « meaning of life », which I’m I no investigating almost daily.

I’ve accepted humans are not meant to know what’s up, otherwise we’d know by now. It’s all about the journey one could say. So yeah.

Any other tips ?

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#383

Post by ctrlp »

sph wrote: post #332
vasco wrote: post #305

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's a big spectrum and you have good points. I honestly believe that a small amount of people are better off being medicated, keyword being very small ( But I refuse to believe that a society with a significant % of people on anti-depressants is a way to live. Look at my country's statistics: https://www.statista.com/statistics/1020727/antidepressants-... Most of my friends on them are just bummed out about their…

You ignorance on the matter shows. You are probably living in the US where pushing pills is the norm. Honestly, this entire anti-therapy subthread is a shitshow of misinformation. Let me shed some light: there are psychotherapists, that are not doctor, and can't prescribe anything. Then there's psychiatrists, which are medical doctors, and might approach your depression with the pill du jour. SSRIs just cure the symp…

Some of us are saying that paying a professional because you just "need someone to talk to" is a situation created, enabled, and perpetuated by this talk therapy culture. Some of us are pointing out the history of this profession and its incredible lack of scientific rigor and perverse incentives.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#384

Post by ctrlp »

sph wrote: post #331
axioms_End wrote: post #299

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1) Length of therapy is strongly correlated to school. CBT and it's forks are relatively short and ability-oriented, where psychodynamic is very long with hazy endpoint. And generally CBT should be pushed much more, as it's faster, more goal-oriented, and less prone to, let's say, therapist biases. 2) Although I get the idea that people need friends and family, it's easy to forget that people with severe issues do no…

I dislike immensely the idea of CBT and I reckon it's the reason therapy got such a bad rap. Talk therapy is immensely more free form. The goal-oriented approach works great in our modern productivity focused society, it's not a way to just learn to unleash what you actually want to be. Source: 3 years of talk therapy.

Not sure if there's a branch of talk therapy you are engaged in, but if you look back into the history of the "profession" you might have a good idea of why it got such a bad rap.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#385

Post by mattgreenrocks »

hirvi74 wrote: post #108
version_five wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I thought the circumstances you describe are what leads to the typical midlife crisis. Not always, but people wake up and realize they're trapped in a life (kids, obligations, job) that sort of crept up on them, and feel like they need to let off some steam. A lot of (perhaps including the article's authors) modern "mid-life crises" are more what I've heard of as "quarter life crises" - you finish school, get a job,…

> I'd planned professionally at about 30 and then realized it wasn't what I wanted and had no idea what to do next. Oddly enough, I think this is what keeps me from being ambitious in a professional sense. I just feel like, based on everything I read, hear, and see, that we are all just donkeys chasing the metaphorical carrot tied to a stick. I swear, it's like the hedonistic treadmill is turned up a few notches too…

The way to deal with this is to avoid the rat race and all the crap that comes with it: lifestyle bloat, houses that own you, fancy cars, etc. it’s a rigged game.

Your job should serve your purposes. Once it stops doing that, something has to change or you’re going to be unhappy.

The curse of midlife is being able to see the need and justification for bullshit like the rat race, knowing full well you perpetuate it in your own small way by participating, while also becoming cognizant that there’s more to life than empty status signaling. You see the extent to which people self-medicate to keep themselves in the race, and the sheer number of people who simply disengage in some way because they can’t deal with it.

The only way forward is through.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#386

Post by [deleted] »

chasd00 wrote: post #345
NovaDudely wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The lost potential is a key one I have seen. The idea that your youth is in the rear view mirror and that you didn't do all the things you thought you would do.

> The idea that your youth is in the rear view mirror and that you didn't do all the things you thought you would do. Youth is wasted on the young. It’s such a shame.

[deleted]

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#387

Post by mattgreenrocks »

bmitc wrote: post #302
hirvi74 wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I'd planned professionally at about 30 and then realized it wasn't what I wanted and had no idea what to do next. Oddly enough, I think this is what keeps me from being ambitious in a professional sense. I just feel like, based on everything I read, hear, and see, that we are all just donkeys chasing the metaphorical carrot tied to a stick. I swear, it's like the hedonistic treadmill is turned up a few notches too…

> I just feel like, based on everything I read, hear, and see, that we are all just donkeys chasing the metaphorical carrot tied to a stick. Something that is less analogical and more biographical: we are primates chasing and arguing over the shiniest and new type of banana. The analogical part left is what the "banana" might be. As primates, we are unbelievably ill-equipped to handle the Internet. This dream of the…

I find no solace in evolutinary psych “explanations” during dark nights of the soul. It feels like nihilism dressed up in Science, with an undertone of “well this is the best we got so tough luck!” to be frank.

If they work for you, great.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#388

Post by hn8305823 »

atmavatar wrote: post #112
rootusrootus wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 36 year old middle aged man You're not quite middle aged yet :). And 33 is way too early for a midlife crisis, surely? Maybe it's just garden variety burnout and/or depression?

If he lives in the US, it's pretty close. The life expectancy of a male in the US is 73.5 years. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/life-expectancy.htm

> The life expectancy of a male in the US is 73.5 years.

But 40 is when the warranty expires.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#389

Post by Aeolos »

soligern wrote: post #348
sph wrote: post #328

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This, and the sibling replies are utter bollocks. I might be the only person on earth that got something out of therapy, and I blame being and staying depressed my entire adult life because I listened to idiots like you. And trust me, I'm restraining myself here. We have a mental health crisis, a broken support system, male suicide at a all-time high, and your opinion is still mainstream. Shut up and listen. -- Advic…

We’re not idiots , just people with communities and appropriate support structures in place that people like you threw out the window on the altar of individualism and shortsightedness. Modern therapists turn around and attack the same ideas that enable people to have and maintain those communities and structures in the first place while leading broken lives and peddling their sorry wares to other broken people they…

Have you ever talked to a professional therapist or are you talking out of your own ignorance?

While you are certainly entitled to your opinion, almost every single word of what you said is wrong.

Readers beware.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#390

Post by bmitc »

mattgreenrocks wrote: post #387
bmitc wrote: post #302

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I just feel like, based on everything I read, hear, and see, that we are all just donkeys chasing the metaphorical carrot tied to a stick. Something that is less analogical and more biographical: we are primates chasing and arguing over the shiniest and new type of banana. The analogical part left is what the "banana" might be. As primates, we are unbelievably ill-equipped to handle the Internet. This dream of the…

I find no solace in evolutinary psych “explanations” during dark nights of the soul. It feels like nihilism dressed up in Science, with an undertone of “well this is the best we got so tough luck!” to be frank. If they work for you, great.

What is they? What is working for me?

I just gave an observation. If one wanted to do something with that observation, then I think it's fair to say that we should design our technology with the limitations of our emotional intelligence in mind. We cannot keep assuming that our emotional intelligence is infinite and can absorb everything we throw at it. Our emotional capacity is limited, and so we should acknowledge that and design our systems with that in mind. But, we don't.

By the way, nihilism is a valid approach as a philosophy and has several important things to say. It is not what it is commonly understood to be.

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