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Daddy isn’t coming back

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Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#381

Post by willio58 »

NikolaNovak wrote: post #5

It's a difficult read; more of a personal/lived experience but with some stats and thoughts sprinkled through. I have two young'uns (3 years and 6 months), so it was the title and its expansion that got to me the most; telling your kids that their parent is not coming back? I struggle to tell them when mommy is out for a grocery run! I told the children early on Saturday morning. “Daddy isn’t coming back,” I said as…

Good on her for wording it like that. Too often I bet children are met with answers that don’t clearly describe the situation. Sadness is real and it isn’t wrong to feel deep sadness even as a child.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#382

Post by 1cvmask »

zoelow wrote: post #349
anm89 wrote: post #180

This is the part where every one piles in posting suicide hotline numbers. I would argue most of those people do not have any experience with, or understanding of those hotlines and it's just a trite thing to throw out to show support like "fuck cancer". You should seriously understand what you are signing yourself up for if you call one of those numbers on yourself or someone else. For one you are volunteering that…

Feeling obliged to leave my story here: Three years ago I made a plan to take my own life. Instead of pushing through I contacted a local suicide hotline, it was completely anonymous. I just talked for a bit, but that little moment helped me to find the courage to talk to a family member and that led me to go into therapy which I completed a few months ago. Initially I was very scared telling my therapist about being…

Thanks for posting that for the world to hear.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#383

Post by podgaj »

winrid wrote: post #18
podgaj wrote: post #10

I have schizoaffective bipolar disorder, and aspergers. I was making $130,000 a year as a network engineer at Cisco in 1999 before I became too sick to work anymore. Right now I am homeless living in my van with a transmission about to go. I have attempted suicide three times already. I keep thinking about doing it again. No one wants to provide me the best medicine, stable housing. I make $1700 on disability but I c…

Chevy van? Damn 4L60 transmissions suck. Sometimes it's just a solenoid, and sometimes shifting it manually might get some more life out of it. I hope you can get help. I have a few family members with schizophrenia / bipolar disorder and the way society treats them is like shit.

It is actually a 2001 Dodge Grand Caravan Sport with 175K miles on it. Trying to figure out the trigger but it's like when I come down from a gear doing around 45-55 the van jolts short and there is a loud cluck and then it slips into neutral and then catches back in gear.

And yes, like shit is the right way to put the treatment. But I understand, it is so hard for people to not see my disorder as something I willfully express on the world. I know a better understanding is around the corner, but I am afraid treatments will take longer to appear. It is a slow process.

And thanks.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#384

Post by howinteresting »

podgaj wrote: post #10

I have schizoaffective bipolar disorder, and aspergers. I was making $130,000 a year as a network engineer at Cisco in 1999 before I became too sick to work anymore. Right now I am homeless living in my van with a transmission about to go. I have attempted suicide three times already. I keep thinking about doing it again. No one wants to provide me the best medicine, stable housing. I make $1700 on disability but I c…

I'm so, so sorry life has treated you that way.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#385

Post by howinteresting »

randomcarbloke wrote: post #318

Bothers me a bit that his schizoaffective disorder was described as schizophrenia and bipolar, the worst of both.

A loved one of mine has struggled with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type for a few years, though they've finally found a combination of meds that works well enough for them. I don't think that is an unfair characterization—I've known them for around 15 years and seeing how much they were struggling was heartbreaking.

I'm no stranger to mental illness. I've struggled with suicidal ideation linked to depression and cPTSD, and have been involuntarily hospitalized a few times. But there's mental illness and then there's mental illness.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#386

Post by wpietri »

AmericanChopper wrote: post #84
wpietri wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The author didn't even write that. The subhed is typically written by an editor. So in addition to being grossly uncharitable, I believe your anger is directed at the wrong person.

I really don’t think it’s grossly uncharitable at all. The details of the editorial process aren’t especially relevant, the article itself is some grim anecdote being used to promote a policy agenda. Regardless of the merit of the position being promoted, it’s intentionally emotionally manipulative, it’s anti-rational and anti-intellectual. It’s also entirely based upon the presupposition that the problem they’re tal…

Your complaint is that she... has feelings about her husband's death and how that affected her kids?

You seem to have a belief that emotion and reason are incompatible. And a fantasy that problems get fixed in the real world without anybody making emotional appeals or having feelings about the problems.

As to the first, a good place to start is Damasio's "Decartes' Error": https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Descartes%27_Error

As to the latter, I don't know what to tell you, but it's obviously not the case, and believing otherwise is not any sort of intellectual or rational position. Which is obvious from your writing; you're clearly having a lot of feelings here.

I'd add that it's perfectly possible to critique the conclusions of somebody who's making an emotional argument. The basic point here is that we should have more and better health services. You could say, "This story is heartbreaking, and I feel for her and her kids, but here's why more money is not the way to solve the problem."

I think the actual problem here is that you don't want to "feel for her and her kids", which, yes, is going to make you look unempathetic and disparaging in your attempts to get her to hide her pain.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#388

Post by rthomas6 »

cyberpunk wrote: post #166
downut wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Search string: life is suffering People have been thinking on this very question since the beginning of people.

Well, I kind of identify with the soto sect of Zen Buddhism, but I actually reject the standard interpretation of the four noble truths (the first if which, as you've said: life is suffering). Life isn't all suffering. Idealistic thinking of life is a kind of suffering, I suppose, but you're not suffering all the time. When you're eating an awesome meal, having some hot sex, seeing your code pass CI on the first atte…

Dukkha doesn't translate exactly into "suffering". It can also mean "unsatisfactory" or "unpleasant". I interpret it as life is inherently unfulfilling and you'll never be fully satisfied by it. Even if you win at everything.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#389

Post by huitzitziltzin »

s1artibartfast wrote: post #272
huitzitziltzin wrote: post #243

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It would mean that if you decided a life was worth a trillion dollars. This is intrinsically a very hard question to answer. Fortunately there are ways to make better estimates for that number than by guessing. The way people behave when buying either insurance products, products which enhance their safety (in particular: reduce the risk of mortality) are informative about these implicit valuations. There is a large…

I get that there are different ways to price a human life. I was mostly curious about what you meant by this statement >relative to the actual state of the world "the actual state of the world" does translate to any definition I know.

“Actual” == “not counter factual” in this context. How about “the current state of the world” ?

Imagine two worlds:

1. The current/actual state of the world: far too many people commit suicide every year.

2. A counterfactual state of the world in which spending $10 billion on mental health services prevents 6,000 suicides in the UK.

A $50 billion welfare loss has been averted in (counterfactual) world 2, relative to (actual) world 1.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#390

Post by mthoms »

shireboy wrote: post #359
anm89 wrote: post #180

This is the part where every one piles in posting suicide hotline numbers. I would argue most of those people do not have any experience with, or understanding of those hotlines and it's just a trite thing to throw out to show support like "fuck cancer". You should seriously understand what you are signing yourself up for if you call one of those numbers on yourself or someone else. For one you are volunteering that…

I came here to post what you say not to, and was informed by your comment. Serious question though: what _should_ one say or do to help those who may be suicidal, both in the public and personal? I’ve known several people who committed suicide, and I wish I’d been able to do or say more for them. I know some now who struggle with suicidal thoughts and mental illness. What is the best, right thing to do and say both t…

Every situation is unique but often it’s best not to “say” anything. It’s best to just listen. Like really listen. And offer to continue listening.

Encourage others to do the same.

Most importantly, Resist the temptation to give advice (unless it’s solicited).

Don’t ask “have you tried X?”… instead ask “what can I do to help you get through this”.

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