> But that's not what you said. And it's not really the point either way, because we're talking about providing feedback on the code, which was written by a person with an age and a race and a gender. And when you sit down with that person to provide feedback, you see their race, age, and gender. Saying you don't is just silly.
Maybe you and I mean different things when we say "see age/etc". Yours is probably more correct semantically, but when I say "see" I mean specifically adjusting my code review depending on age/etc. When I say I don't "see age/etc" I just mean that it doesn't influence how I evaluate someone's work professionally.
> I honestly can't tell if you created the throwaway for entertainment or having a real conversation but at this point I'm leaning towards the former because I genuinely don't believe you're confused about how to make an appropriate vs. inappropriate comment to a coworker. It doesn't really matter if they're male or female, if you tell someone that an outfit makes their body look X - you're probably going to get in trouble unless you happen to be good friends outside of work.
Your mildly toxic responses are a great reason why I don't engage on this subject matter at all (until now). And the reason why I created a throwaway account.
You seem to be very sure about yourself and how everyone else should act. You also seem to lack any compassion by default for what people struggle with. Honestly, your responses have even further convinced me that my approach is the correct one (for my own good/safety/etc).
My comment was me genuinely opening up. It's something I struggle with internally. If you work with me, you'd never know it.
> It doesn't really matter how you're perceived. If you document your reviews, and you do it fairly, the work will speak for itself. It has nothing to do with male vs. female. I've done this for decades, someone will inevitably accuse you of a bias, and you refer back to your documentation, notes, and the original work. They can mis-read all they want, the only thing HR cares about is a defensible position for your feedback.
Or I can just not engage at all. What do I stand to gain from having to deal with documentation/notes/etc in those cases? In environments where critical feedback is encouraged (or even required) then all I need to do is be less critical than the most critical people. Or in other words, only provide feedback that someone else has provided in the past.