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Ask HN: Are you depressed?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#381
post #242
post #22

I'm not a doctor, of course, but for those who are depressed, but where it's not debilitating, or where you are not suffering from some kind of clinical depression where you need medical attention, I highly recommend that you immediately purchase the book "Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life" by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, and put that information into practice as soon as you can.

I would recommend a motorcycle instead

Can anyone expand on the reason behind this recommendation?

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#382

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday This is something I'll never understand. How can someone be with another person for so long and be able to end up things in such drastic manner (assuming there wasn't any toxicity in the relationship)? I mean, if you hadn't any idea that this could happen then did your partner never try to fix whatever problem you had before taking that decision?

Briffault's law, once girl doesn't have any benefits from relationship, she leaves, simple as that.

Could you not say the same thing about men? "Laws" like this are overly simplistic. There are some nasty people in the world, but not everyone is like that.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#383
Am I depressed? No. Was I depressed? Maybe. I don't know if I've ever been depressed. But, there was definitely periods in my life where I felt miserable for a long time (6 months to years). During these times-- I was listless, lack motivation, and had typical symptoms for depression. However, it never crossed a threshold where I would call it depression. Mostly because I still felt like I was in control. When I didn't get out of bed for the day, it wasn't because I literally can't. I was just being lazy as shit. Of course, that fueled my sadness for a while because I would think I can fix this, but I'm not. Thus, spirally deeper.

Eventually, I had enough. I decided not be sad anymore. I'll never be Bill Gates, Bruce Lee, or any of my heroes. And, people in the third world can never all the opportunities I have. So, I decided it doesn't matter my situation. There is always some miniscule, tiny thing I can do to improve my situation. I started waking up earlier, journaling more, and stuck to these habits religiously. They became my anchor. Now I'm in a much better place. To everyone who is struggling. I hope you find your better place too.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#386

Nowhere else to post this so here it goes. I lost my job in January. From January - March I started looking for a job and then COVID hits at the height of my search, now suddenly no one is hiring and all the businesses are slowing down. My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her, I had to return the ring, she had no idea and I never told her about it. I…

Hey man, look the bright side... imagined if you had proposed before she left, and keped the ring? Yolu would be without a girl and the money of the ring.

That said,the good thing of hitting rock botton is that theres no way, but up. 3 Years ago I was being underpaid, divorced a 6 years marriege, and was sunk in debit.

I was really depresed,for the first time of my life I cried waching a movie, and was pretty sure I was in funcional side of alcholism.

That said, I keepd it going by solving one problem at time. First, I organized all debites of my company, and made a rigid paying plan.

Then I made a deal with my dad, that I would stay at his home for 1 year, while I paid some of the debt my ex wife left me.

After that I put my company on hold for 1 and a half year, so I would not generate new taxes while paying the old ones.

I found a shit soul sucking job, but with good payment, in the capital. For almost 2 years I would spend 4 to 5 hours in traffic, just to get to this job. But small things helped me going foward.

I got close to my friends (before the pandemic). I checked out lots of books from my reading list, while I was in the bus, or train, going and back to work.

I basically sold or donated most of my possessions, basically reduced my life to small things that really mattered.

The thing is, don't try to fix everything wrong at the same time. Focus on small problems that you can solve, and after a while, even the big problems will appear to be less intimidating.

Now, finally after 3 sucking years, I reoppened my company, I paid all my debts. I still got to deal with shit from my ex from time to time, but goddamm I love being free now.

Well at least for a while. Now my ex appeared telling me shes pregnant, but shes pretty sure I'm not the father, but she's not 100% sure... well I will deal with that when the time came.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#387

Nowhere else to post this so here it goes. I lost my job in January. From January - March I started looking for a job and then COVID hits at the height of my search, now suddenly no one is hiring and all the businesses are slowing down. My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her, I had to return the ring, she had no idea and I never told her about it. I…

"My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her" Well, there is a bright side to it. If you would have married and it was about to break soon after, you would have the joy of a legal divorce now on top of it. Instead you are free to find someone new. Possibly better fitting. The world is full of women and other awesome people, you can still connect with. A…

My uncle used to tell me that you only start to live after your second divorce.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#388

I'm fighting every day to keep the depression at bay. I've been through the same thing as every one else this year, plus my sister took her on life in March and my startup that was flying in February, has been hammered by the pandemic. I felt like I was about to slide back into depression in May. I needed something that I could accomplish that was completely within my control. I decided to start lifting weights. It h…

How can you start a gym hobby during quarantine? Haven't been to a gym in 8 months even though I still pay my pricy membership just to support them.

Look up kettlebell training

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#389

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her" Well, there is a bright side to it. If you would have married and it was about to break soon after, you would have the joy of a legal divorce now on top of it. Instead you are free to find someone new. Possibly better fitting. The world is full of women and other awesome people, you can still connect with. A…

I think dismissing the end of a 13 year relationship with the "plenty of fish in the sea" argument and saying "stop wasting your time" is probably not what OP needs to hear right now.

> ... probably not what OP needs to hear right now.

I'll piggy-back off this to remind people that when someone shares something, they are not necessarily asking for your advice. I know HN is a crowd of problem solvers, but it's OK (preferable!) to simply respond with empathy. If it's not clear, consider asking the person if they'd like your advice before immediately jumping in to try to fix it for them.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#390

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think dismissing the end of a 13 year relationship with the "plenty of fish in the sea" argument and saying "stop wasting your time" is probably not what OP needs to hear right now.

OP can post on a therapy forum not an open forum where frank but non-caustic conversation is allowed. Connect with real mental health people. Not distant randos via text that doesn’t really help biological processes work themselves out. Everyone has issues, not just from covid. Someone is always losing a family member or separating. You may not know it and make all manner of comments. What Americans need to do really…

Right, right. But come on man. This is literally a post entitled "Are you depressed". Did you really expect no one to come post a story? I understand the point about the hard logical instructions rather than the soft warm consolation but have some compassion, some empathy for your fellow human. Telling the guy he should just go to therapy instead of posting his story on a thread that's _literally asking for his story_ is the same kind of hard uncaring logicism as the parent comment.

Please, I beg of all of you, do not forget what kindness and compassion can do for all of us, and that no matter where we are now, life and success is fragile and can be taken in an instant. Are we all anti-social corporate robots on here? So much so that the usual 'all business' crowd is now attempting to convert any 'human and not business' threads back into the corporate ethos? Why can't we just say something nice or leave and go back to toxifying about the latest Twitter gaff or apple device. As much as you can say that this forum is about silicon dreams, I can say this forum is equally about the human minds that have them. This forum and more its tone is what we make it, and the recent anti social push worries me and threatens to push any actual compassion away.

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