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Lies We Tell Kids

paulgraham.com

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Re: Lies We Tell Kids

#381
post #137
post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Keeping a taboo when the underlying reason for it has gone away tends to be detrimental for society. I saw a wonderful documentary recently called "Born rich" (I highly recommend it, amongst other things from it I finally learned why there are a number of US personalities whose educational background seems so at odds with their outward demeanour. It's that the privileged simply can't get chucked out of a University,…

"In short, if you suspect a taboo is no longer culturally relevant you should probably consider yourself to have a duty to break it to get it out of the way as quickly as possible." If your goal is change society, maybe. But, if your goal is to succeed within a society, then maybe not. Some taboos begin for good reason and just because you suspect that they're not relevant doesn't mean that they're not. I would sugge…

Hmmm; agreed. Some of the obscenity taboos aren't quite so brain-dead, either, at second glance. Sure, "cunt" and "vagina" aren't at all the same word, but I wouldn't say that if my web developers co-workers used the word "vagina" constantly that would be just fine.

As we're living in a reality where, you know, rape and suchlike happens fairly frequently, if I were a woman in a mostly male workplace and the word vagina was constantly bandied about, is it wrong that I'd feel uncomfortable?

Or say I was a middle-school math teacher who wrote all of his word problems in the form "so, one vagina is moving at 12 miles per hour due east, and...".

Talk is a step towards action, and it does matter what people say, as we are led to imagine them carrying out related actions, and we often assume (rightly or wrongly) some level of intent behind speech.

Maybe that's part of the reason behind some of the taboo words? Not to discount, of course, the unreasonably deep cultural discomfort with sex... but just, you know, tread lightly if you want to accelerate taboo expiration.

And it doesn't so much explain "shit", but that's possibly related -- I don't really want a discussion of poo-poo during lunch, for example, and there are very logical reasons that it might spoil my appetite (I'd rather focus my imagination on this delicious steaming burrito, thank you very much).

Re: Lies We Tell Kids

#382
post #19

Besides being a woman, Marie Curie was the first and ONLY person to ever recieve a Nobel Prize in different sciences. Something her male counterparts have yet to do, so maybe there's something there besides her sex.

Indeed - Curie was most definitely "the shit", and that shouldn't be taken away from her. However , it is also almost certainly true that she was taught because she was female. Now, I'm not entirely sure that's a bad thing. I would, in fact, suggest an addition to PG's categories of lies: "Making kids think things are easier than they are". No-one knows better than PG, living in the start-up world, that Big Things ar…

Ah, yes -- on a related note, this is what I've seen as the function of "political correctness" (at sensible levels... it can obviously be carried to counterproductive extremes).

We lie about how racist, bigoted, homophobic, etc. the general public is (and try to browbeat them into lying as well), in the hopes that our kids will be less so.

Re: Lies We Tell Kids

#383

On Valentine's Day this year my son called me from the passenger seat of his best friend's grandmother's Lexus SUV. "What's masturbation Dad?" I had an answer. I'd been thinking about it for two years. Just allowing the proper answer to surface. This is near and dear for me. I'm in the process of introducing Online Courses for parents to learn methods of raising children without lying. I answered his question without…

What will your son will think when he finds this posting in a few years?

If it's easily findable, I don't think he'd be too horrified. Don't you remember commiserating with friends over how awkwardly your own parents explained sex, masturbation, etc. (to the extent they explained at all)?

And this was a story where there was already a friend there (and the friend's mother), so it doesn't seem much of a risk.

Posting a story about walking in on his son masturbating, or something along those lines, on the other hand, would be bad.

Re: Lies We Tell Kids

#384
Your points are brilliant, and I love how they make me think more about "truth," or the illusion of it. To me, this is basically an essay about why we live our lives the way we do. You almost have to think back to the things we were told by our parents in order to realize why we do the things we do now. It's always interesting to analyze your own self. I love the essay about "Stuff" as well.

Re: Lies We Tell Kids

#386

regarding dying: One of the most vivid memories I have from childhood is the time my father told me he was going to die. It was quite simple, he said, "someday I will die, when I die, here is what I want you to do...." Its one of those things that shaped my whole view of the world, I think I has 10 or 11. Its more amazing to me now that I have a son, that he had the courage to be so honest.

I'm intruiged Mistone - what did your dad want you to do when he died? Was it procedural or philosophical? (natch, only share what you're comfortable with saying)

its was procedural, a basic Muslim burial - clean the body, wrap in a white blanked, and bury the body. So pretty simple from that standpoint.
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