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30 minutes with a stranger

pudding.cool

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Re: 30 minutes with a stranger

#371

Post by 0xDEAFBEAD »

titanomachy wrote: post #370
0xDEAFBEAD wrote: post #358

Pretty sure I read somewhere that many people prefer Waymo over Uber because there's no driver, which kinda contradicts these findings. How about HN users? Do you typically enjoy chatting with an Uber driver? If this "30 minutes with a stranger" experiment was performed during the pandemic, it could be that people were short on human connection at the time, and that explains why they valued it so much.

It doesn't necessarily contradict the findings. People in this study also predicted that they would hate interacting with a stranger. I've had interesting conversations with uber drivers and not so interesting conversations. I prefer to use one of those charge-by-the-minute rental cars if they're available, because they tend to cost 1/3 as much and I'm perfectly capable of driving myself.

>It doesn't necessarily contradict the findings. People in this study also predicted that they would hate interacting with a stranger.

Sure, but if you've ridden in an Uber, you presumably would've noticed that your prediction was off?

Re: 30 minutes with a stranger

#372

Post by DiscourseFan »

999900000999 wrote: post #62
alex-moon wrote: post #39

I'm increasingly convinced that social isolation is the single great social ill of our time. I am not one for "respecting others' opinions" at all, make no mistakes, if someone believes something incorrect - or worse - then they need to be corrected. But so much of the hate simmering away like a pot about to boil over is the result of loneliness. The evidence on this is startingly clear. https://www.sciencedirect.com…

Had a chat about this with a friend yesterday. In richer societies you can afford to be alone. This isn't good for tribal beings, humans didn't evolve as lone wolves. Even something as cooking for more than one person involves so much interaction. At the lower end of the global income scale , you can't afford to be alone in your giant house. You might need to share communal goods. Not everyone, but just having a role…

On the other hand, I get to move around freely and I make enough money to live just about anywhere, and some places like a king?

Re: 30 minutes with a stranger

#373

Post by Cthulhu_ »

DiscourseFan wrote: post #372
999900000999 wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Had a chat about this with a friend yesterday. In richer societies you can afford to be alone. This isn't good for tribal beings, humans didn't evolve as lone wolves. Even something as cooking for more than one person involves so much interaction. At the lower end of the global income scale , you can't afford to be alone in your giant house. You might need to share communal goods. Not everyone, but just having a role…

On the other hand, I get to move around freely and I make enough money to live just about anywhere, and some places like a king?

Yeah, but you're alone. I think this is worse if you're rich-rich; if you move to a house you can afford you'll live with a different demographic, your employees / staff will no longer treat you like an equal, you and your possibly-family have a target on your back if you're known, and if you go to places for the rich - gyms, golf clubs, etc - you run into a completely different demographic, too.

But on the other hand you'll be able to afford experiences few people can.

Re: 30 minutes with a stranger

#374

Post by pastage »

pjc50 wrote: post #341
pastage wrote: post #319

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The idea of the city effect is suburbia romatization. My view is that people (me included) tend to be biased in what they like. I love cities and dense areas and hence most interactions I have are positive. I like what you said about the kinship through hate, I feel no connection to a city though rather I see the segregation of suburbia as the breeding ground for hate.

Most interactions in a city are neutral: you can walk past a thousand people in a subway without conceiving of it as an interaction, you just ignore them and they ignore you. In a way you couldn't do it you met in a wilderness.

That is a bold statement I do not understand why you think it is true.

I am trying to understand how your concept about a common hate connects to cities. You are comparing leisure time "the wilderness" to work time "the big city". A city lets you choose your interactions, and it forces you to see things that are not only the hate in your bubble. The possibility to have an interaction that changes your world view is greater in an integrated city.

Hate can grow even if we all sit in a corner of the woods on the internet, or if we listen to the same radio host.

There are too many cultural aspects in your view of the city, I do not know where you come from here. FWIW I have lived in mega cities, and also for years outside of cities in some of the least populated spaces in the "developed world". My experience do not reflect yours at all.

Re: 30 minutes with a stranger

#375

Post by johnnyanmac »

lordnacho wrote: post #115

It's the internet. When you talk to people online, it often descends into pettiness. When you talk to people in the real world, that rarely happens. But it's much easier to talk online, so people get the wrong impression. You should talk to strangers. It's never gone wrong for me. Most people have a warmth and agreeableness that comes out when you are there with them, talking about stuff. There's also the interesting…

>Much of what's wrong in the current world is actually loneliness

Okay cool. How do we fix it? We don't have places to just "talk to people". Maybe some places still has a mall area, but most businesses discourage soliciting. So you're mostly asking people to pay to talk to strangers.

A part of this is behavorial, but the UX of life also kept pushing Gen Z onto the internet, the only "third place" left for them.

Re: 30 minutes with a stranger

#376

Post by johnnyanmac »

pastage wrote: post #374
pjc50 wrote: post #341

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most interactions in a city are neutral: you can walk past a thousand people in a subway without conceiving of it as an interaction, you just ignore them and they ignore you. In a way you couldn't do it you met in a wilderness.

That is a bold statement I do not understand why you think it is true. I am trying to understand how your concept about a common hate connects to cities. You are comparing leisure time "the wilderness" to work time "the big city". A city lets you choose your interactions, and it forces you to see things that are not only the hate in your bubble. The possibility to have an interaction that changes your world view is g…

>I do not understand why you think it is true.

You're simply not going to have time to speak to everyone in a subway to fish out that positive interaction, even if you wanted to.

I don't think most interactions will be hateful, but if the odds are .1%, you have some 50/50 shot of a bad interaction with 1000 people. It's just statistics.

Re: 30 minutes with a stranger

#377

Post by dingaling »

CalRobert wrote: post #366
bityard wrote: post #234

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I joined a gym for a few months last year partly because I thought it would be a great way to meet some people. BIG misread on my part. It turns out most public gyms around here have a strong "leave me the hell alone vibe." Essentially zero eye-contact. Pretty much everyone had earbuds in and I didn't bother them. I said "hello" to those without earbuds once in a while but only got a silent death glare in response. S…

:-\ that's a shame. I mean, I have earbuds. And sometimes I use them on the commute to work to practice Dutch (or did, before I worked remote). But there's definite downsides to the increased convenience of filling "empty" time.

I was thinking about this today, a lovely morning run on the beach with the Sun rising in a blue sky. Should have been a wonderful shared experience but everyone I met had earbuds in and the most interaction I obtained was a nod.

Why go to the shore with the sounds of the waves lapping gently on the shingle but then block it out with earpods? It irritated me.

Re: 30 minutes with a stranger

#378

Post by CalRobert »

dingaling wrote: post #377
CalRobert wrote: post #366

Earlier quoted context omitted.

:-\ that's a shame. I mean, I have earbuds. And sometimes I use them on the commute to work to practice Dutch (or did, before I worked remote). But there's definite downsides to the increased convenience of filling "empty" time.

I was thinking about this today, a lovely morning run on the beach with the Sun rising in a blue sky. Should have been a wonderful shared experience but everyone I met had earbuds in and the most interaction I obtained was a nod. Why go to the shore with the sounds of the waves lapping gently on the shingle but then block it out with earpods? It irritated me.

Even the most beautiful setting can become mundane if you see it every day, but I generally agree.

Re: 30 minutes with a stranger

#379

Post by bariswheel »

0xDEAFBEAD wrote: post #358

Pretty sure I read somewhere that many people prefer Waymo over Uber because there's no driver, which kinda contradicts these findings. How about HN users? Do you typically enjoy chatting with an Uber driver? If this "30 minutes with a stranger" experiment was performed during the pandemic, it could be that people were short on human connection at the time, and that explains why they valued it so much.

Not really though. When people are busy and attempting to go from A to B, they may want to eliminate variables to better focus on their friends or something else in the Waymo. This is similar to the experiment where an incredible musician played violin in the subway terminal and people 'ignored' him. It's all about intention, when people plan to talk to a stranger, they're geared for that, if they are on their way somewhere, it's not the time or place to stop and 'smell the roses' most of the time as they are in a rush, doesn't have much to do with how great the musician is in the subway. When people go to a concert, and if that's same musician in the subway, they'll most definitely enjoy it, because they're planning on enjoying music at that time.
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