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Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

washingtonpost.com

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Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#371

Post by snoot »

dangus wrote: post #355
midhhhthrow wrote: post #211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Cities have much lower standard of living because no one can afford shelter. There’s too much traffic which means you can’t go anywhere except walking range. So there may actually be equal or less to do in the city simply because your range is so short. And crime is huge problem too, now more than ever

I'll just wear myself out if I keep letting myself respond to feelings-based comments like yours with facts, like how NYC is below the national average in crime safety [1] and well below national average on obesity. [2] I shouldn't exert myself pointing out that the average cost of a vehicle is about $5000 per year [3], which costs a lot more than the unlimited miles you can travel with a $75/month bus/train pass in…

> it only takes 20 minutes to walk a mile

Which means you have massive delays between stops, and can’t do much if you don’t have hours available.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#372

Post by [deleted] »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #338
doliveira wrote: post #253

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean, it's a wonder women still choose to have children. I see it is a triumph of the human spirit, because through a purely capitalist and individualist lenses having children doesn't make much sense.

Does not make much sense for a woman. Until recently, with the advent of a relatively safe society and without birth control options, they basically had no say in having children. Now, we get to find out the market price (excluding long term externalities) of birthing a child (and child #2, 3, 4, 5, etc) without the fact of being physically weaker tilting the scales.

[deleted]

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#373

Post by mmkos »

bradlys wrote: post #363
mmkos wrote: post #333

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Jesus. Don't you think that you're creating a perverse incentive for your friends to hook you up with just about anybody with no regard for whether they're a good fit/decent human being?

They’d like to but they can’t find anyone who’d do it anyway. Moot point about incentives if no one is willing to date you at all. Physical attraction is everything these days.

I get the sense from your response that your self esteem is hurting. I don't know anything about you nor what you look like, but keeping fit and being mindful about what you wear goes a long way in my experience, both in terms of your confidence and attraction from other people.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#374

Post by coldtea »

UweSchmidt wrote: post #125

The fundamental force behind this is individualism. Every single technological innovation has made it easier for the individual to function better alone. Every societal change has emphasized the individual right over the (real or perceived) benefit of the collective. This trend seems to accelerate and absolutely nothing that is happening in western society even remotely suggests a possible turnaround. You can take ac…

Individuals thrive in communities. Individualism is doing your thing.

What we have in the west (and increasingly the east) is the opposite: the creation of isolated cogs, educated to be mere cogs, following mass fashions, work as replacable units, and leave no mark of their existence.

Their "individuality" is reduced to consumerism, and is sold to them through chosing among ready made brands (of gadgets, clothes, cultural products). They're "invididually" part of market groups.

Those are, as you observe, better able to function alone than in the past (e.g. no need to cooperate to get it), but they also have no support group, and often not even family and friends to support them, and help them do anything and to allow them to be able to resist (work conditions, political pressure, etc).

They're not individuals, they're cogs with cookie cutter "identities". Nobody knows or cares who they are even - because each of them is as good as any other, just a unit to get some services of.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#375

Post by lilactown »

chii wrote: post #270
tobyjsullivan wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> we rely on the manufacturer. We rely on electricity. We rely on having money. And we rely on a mature economy where someone is willing to solve every problem in exchange for that money. In an individualistic society, each person is expected to earn their own way and then pay to solve every problem they may have. In more community-oriented societies, personal earnings are less important than a strong network of frie…

> In more community-oriented societies, personal earnings are less important than a strong network of friends and family who can fulfill every need. and as this community grew, accounting for such "favours" between friends/family become more important, and thus, the need for unit of accounts - aka money. You'd end up replicating the current system when given long enough time and a large enough community.

The First 5000 Years of Debt has a lot to say about this. It’s not fact that every large group of people invents money

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#376

Post by chrispine »

cpsns wrote: post #276
qnt wrote: post #267

Earlier quoted context omitted.

mate honestly that sounds like you're cutting off your legs to save your toes. you should take a backpacking holiday in a busy city somewhere (overseas?). If you have fun, try a working-holiday in a new city for a couple weeks. Maybe one you've been thinking of moving to? just try it on. There's no downside.

I've done this before within the country and ultimately just found it extremely stressful. I could never get comfortable in the AirBNB, I constantly felt like I'd just shown up and invaded someone's apartment. I absolutely hate traveling, I just want to live somewhere and for it to become home. You're probably right about the cutting off legs part, though I've simply lost sight of an exit from my current situation. I…

I don't know if qnt's suggestions are the right ones for you or not (that's for you to decide), but you know what?

I believe in your ability to make a better life for yourself.

You can do this.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#377

Post by flamebreath447 »

anon7725 wrote: post #243
flamebreath447 wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People have left churches for a plethora of reasons, many of which stem from the church itself being corrupt. But moreover, as you mentioned people want a sense of community without and of the accountability that Church asks. You don’t want to tithe because you don’t trust leadership with your money. You don’t want to be told you’re doing things wrong, or to fix some of your sins. You don’t want a judgmental group of…

> But moreover, as you mentioned people want a sense of community without and of the accountability that Church asks. Do churches ask for accountability or conformity? > You want community without the worshiping God part. You want total freedom without guilt. And you want everything you do to be accepted without judgement. I believe you are strawmanning here. People who don't attend church experience guilt and have a…

Accountability is a core tenant of Christianity. In the end you are accountable for everything you say and do, or don’t do.

There’s bound to be conformity in the way people grow or change under a given framework which is what Churches provide for everyone attending. Conformity as a whole is not the goal otherwise we wouldn’t have different denominations and expressions of worship.

It makes me sad that many online conversations become the Church vs. LGBTQ. I know this is a sensitive subject and the source of much pain. My main point is not to discuss that at length but rather to point to what this article and thread address which is ways the Church can help with loneliness.

I did not mean to intentionally straw man, if I did forgive me. When I spoke of ‘you’ it was a metaphorical as a general person who might not want church and less targeting the OP directly.

I agree with their points I mainly wanted to provide another perspective in hopes that readers might give the Church another chance. We have failed and will continue to in many ways, but I’ve seen the good outweigh the bad.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#378

Post by pictureofabear »

SCUSKU wrote: post #257
midhhhthrow wrote: post #211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Cities have much lower standard of living because no one can afford shelter. There’s too much traffic which means you can’t go anywhere except walking range. So there may actually be equal or less to do in the city simply because your range is so short. And crime is huge problem too, now more than ever

I used to think the same think having lived in the suburbs my whole life, but once I moved to a city (San Francisco), I came to see that while there was certainly truth to the media hooplah, a lot of it was just hype designed to polarize us.

There is no substitute for seeing something with your own eyes!

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#379

Post by NegativeK »

MuffinFlavored wrote: post #282
NegativeK wrote: post #266

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> There are some craft clubs, but what's the point? Anything you can make pales in comparison to what you can get for a couple of bucks from Amazon. This is unhealthy. > There are a bunch of hobbies but they also seem pointless when you look at a few Youtube videos and see all the popular channels doing exactly what you would like to but a million times better. This is unhealthy. Over a decade ago, I had to accept th…

> This is unhealthy. And? How does one magically snap their fingers and change their hard-to-control brain? OP has a point in everything they're saying. Calling it unhealthy doesn't magically fix (inverse) their (very real/probably populous) perspective.

Stop consuming that media.

Most mainstream (I use that term loosely; the internet has made a lot of things very accessible) hobbies have a lot of content producers. Some of them only make gorgeous things with expensive tools. There's always some producers who are more educational and show their mistakes and thought process.

I know "stop consuming addictive media" isn't trivially easy, but you get the added benefit of avoiding content that isn't as educationally beneficial.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#380

Post by bradlys »

mmkos wrote: post #373
bradlys wrote: post #363

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They’d like to but they can’t find anyone who’d do it anyway. Moot point about incentives if no one is willing to date you at all. Physical attraction is everything these days.

I get the sense from your response that your self esteem is hurting. I don't know anything about you nor what you look like, but keeping fit and being mindful about what you wear goes a long way in my experience, both in terms of your confidence and attraction from other people.

Nah - I have very high self esteem. I just happen to not be good looking.

It’s boomer-talk to think that people don’t care about looks these days. The way people date has changed.

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