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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#371

Post by Fellshard »

hliyan wrote: post #218
satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

> I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. Oddly enough, I recently found myself saying something to this effect, in a meeting: "I'm an engineer, a professional. I like to take pride in my work. I look at doctors (or civil engineers) at my age and wonder about the level of respect they enjoy and how they approach their profession. How did we get to a point where we…

The collapse of American education might have something to do with this.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#372

Post by suyash »

el_cujo wrote: post #29

Nope. I hate my current job and am trying to pick up some new skills in my spare time so I can switch, but its very hard to come home from my 9-5 and feel motivated to study a new subject. Progress is extremely slow and often feels hopeless. Any time I'm not studying I feel paralyzed by the stress of knowing that I should be doing that instead, and yet I'm so far from being done that I get no reprieve if I actually d…

I can see that as I often have too many side projects apart from my day job and never enough time. Best advise I would suggest is to either find a community of like minded people with whom you can work and be accountable (online or offline) and change the environment, for example I go to a Hacker / Maker place after work instead of coming home when I want to work on my side project. Hope that gives you some ideas and thanks for sharing your challenges.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#373

Post by djsumdog »

rubicon33 wrote: post #349
RosanaAnaDana wrote: post #283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I just want to make an aside point here, that for the vast majority of people on the planet, the idea that they would have 20k in savings to take a year off is just wishful thinking. To be able to even get to the point of having 20k in savings, you must have an incredible safety net in terms of both society and family that allows that to happen. You are incredibly privileged to have been able to even save that kind o…

Not only is the 20k savings a barrier of entry for most people, but this type of advice comes with massive assumptions about one's own life. Good luck doing this if you're in a committed relationship. Good luck doing this if you have kids, for example. For anyone who's put down even basic roots, this is a difficult bit of advice, if not downright unhelpful.

I mentioned the two friends who had the RV life. I meant to add that it helped they had jobs which allowed for remote work. It is a big investment too, as you're essentially buying a house that will go down in value.

If you read my other comment, I mentioned people who did the same thing that were low income too. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but if you can get it to work with your current skills and situation it's possible. You don't need a lot of money, but you do need to adjust your priorities.

And of course if you have family, commitments, etc, there are other ways you can break free. Let's list some other ideas for people. This is just one thing that I did.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#374

Post by rileyteige »

anon9001 wrote: post #360

I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints. For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead. I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again. When I have week-lon…

I can relate here, not sure if this is a reality for you but one thing that's helped me in this regard is negotiating 25hr/wk arrangements (accepting the pay cut). More flexibility, and if you're willing to burn the midnight oil once in a while you can bump your pay with a second (hopefully temporary!) gig.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#375

Post by p1esk »

anon9001 wrote: post #360

I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints. For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead. I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again. When I have week-lon…

Find a remote job (take a pay cut if needed), move to a cheaper country if money is a concern. Work 3-4 hours on a beach. Totally realistic as long as you’re good at what you do and manage to get things done.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#376

Post by Waterluvian »

satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

> I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer.

When I lived in Waterloo, everyone was a software person or related so it wasn't a problem. But I moved to a small city where almost everyone is a factory worker of some sort for farming or auto industries. When someone asks and I say I'm a software engineer, it usually stops there. Or they'll say something along the lines of, "oooh fancy". And if they keep asking about it they might learn, if I don't hold it from them, that I basically work in an industry trying to eliminate their jobs.

I didn't really think about this social aspect when I moved. Now I have to be somewhat dishonest with my neighbours as they all get up at the crack of dawn or go in for a night shift to make a living while I work in my pajamas from home for an industry trying to make them obsolete.

It's complicated and really aches when I'm confronted with it during social times.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#377

Post by suyash »

no_wizard wrote: post #44

I've struggled a lot in the last few months in particular. I feel extremely isolated in my work. I don't feel like I have a good team environment right now. Everyone is segregated across campus which in and of itself is okay (I've done remote work stuff before, and been on teams where you didn't sit near each other) but nobody talks to each other, like ever. And I feel like I'm missing expectations because of it, and…

Isolation can definitely take a mental toll, I've been in similar situation before and what I did was just to make friends with my neighbors, even if they were not in my team or line of work, it gave me company to chat during break or at lunch. You may have to push outside your comfort zone, but I can say most people are welcoming of meeting new colleagues and making new friends at work.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#378

Post by enraged_camel »

teppifk wrote: post #235
satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

> I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. Most software engineers have a healthy circle of friends and social life. > I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. It's not any different when an electrician, lawyer or a doctor wants to talk shop. Most people you will interact with don't have the same interests as you. > I h…

>>Most software engineers have a healthy circle of friends and social life.

Sorry, but I'm going to call [citation needed] on this. It's a rather extraordinary claim, and goes against both popular stereotypes and my personal experience.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#379

Post by calahad »

rconti wrote: post #312
satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

What is "nth-ing"? Do you mean, like, "mee too"?

yep, 2nd-ing, 3rd-ing, 4th-ing, ...nth-ing

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#380

Post by johnfactorial »

bpchaps wrote: post #142
johnfactorial wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What will you do next? You can be rid of all these problems if you start raising chickens in the woods and selling eggs and poultry.

No need to be patronizing.

Sorry, didn't mean to sound insulting, my wife and I routinely discuss leaving our programmer jobs to move out into the woods and raise chickens.
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