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The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

happiness.hks.harvard.edu

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Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#361

Post by jokoon »

I tend to believe that individualist societies tend to fracture families, and make people live with their own kitchen and living room. That's not good, it's like a social prison.

I can understand that people want to have 100% privacy and not exist near people they don't get along with, but not sharing a kitchen and living room seems a bit too far.

Also I am sad that apps like the defunct foursquare or social network are not actively trying to make neighbors connect with each others. I fail to understand why.

I suspect that in the 70s, sexual liberation, despite its advantages, caused an epidemic maternal deprivation, where people are now unable to feel comfortable near others.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#362

Post by aprilthird2021 »

Braxton1980 wrote: post #239
mjevans wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What community? Many of us still can't afford housing anywhere near where the jobs are. How could we possibly put down roots and be a real part of a lasting community worth investing time, effort, and possibly savings in?

What if you can afford the housing but don't want what you can afford? How many immigrant families lived in 2 bedroom apartments in brooklyn while working in the city?

That's also part of it. The generation before me, 3 brothers bought houses in the same cul de sac. The chance of any 3 siblings being able to do that anywhere in the US nowadays is extremely slim. Home prices have gone out of whack with wages. On a side note another reason we have less friends is that we work far longer hours than generations before us did. We are the most overworked generation in history, strangely enough...

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#363

Post by jvvw »

ryandrake wrote: post #165
dm03514 wrote: post #16

For the us, I feel like it’s late stage individualism. This is what happens I think when people prioritize themselves over their communities, I think we have less dependence on our communities than ever thanks to the internet and being able to physically avoid community. We have less interaction than before. We can order grocery pickup and not even have to be physically around people for basic life tasks. We order ne…

> The article talks about how it’s more of a younger generation phenomenon suggesting older generations still maintain their friendships Yea, this tracks my observations. A lot of adults make connections in their community through their kids and kids' friends. Kids pick their friends and their parents and guardians just go along for the ride, so when the kids play together, it kind of forces the parents to meet and i…

This sounds weird to me. What's the context? Toddler group? Play date? Playground?

Also as somebody said, if you are male which from your username I guess you are, then that will change the dynamic - it will be easier for an older person to make conversation without there being any worries of sending the wrong message.

If there are lots of children playing together then parents aren't always social but at a play date I would definitely expect them to be. Also looking after young children is intensive and it might be the only break they get.

I mostly went to toddler groups when mine were young so that I could socialise not them!

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#364

Post by aprilthird2021 »

oddthink wrote: post #56

I don't really get where people with kids found these 6.5 hrs / wk to spend on friendships, or even the quoted current averages of 4 hrs / wk. On a workday, there isn't much time. I roll out of bed at 6:30, get the kids up and fed breakfast and out the door. I finally get actually working at 8:30-9:30, depending on if I exercise or not. Stop work in the 5:30-6 range, switch into making dinner, getting kids to eat din…

People didn't used to work this much. Now that both spouses in a household typically work the kind of schedule you mentioned along with increasingly longer commutes due to housing unaffordability, we spend more time at work cumulatively than generations before us did.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#365

Post by brokegrammer »

Having friends is great but not "having" to have them is also great, which is what individualism allows us to do. Many people get in trouble by hanging out with the wrong crowd. Many people also become wealthy by hanging out with the right people.

But being able to live your life alone without dying is a privilege that we should be thankful for.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#366

Post by aprilthird2021 »

jedberg wrote: post #169
oddthink wrote: post #56

I don't really get where people with kids found these 6.5 hrs / wk to spend on friendships, or even the quoted current averages of 4 hrs / wk. On a workday, there isn't much time. I roll out of bed at 6:30, get the kids up and fed breakfast and out the door. I finally get actually working at 8:30-9:30, depending on if I exercise or not. Stop work in the 5:30-6 range, switch into making dinner, getting kids to eat din…

There are two key things to making this work: Money and locality. Money: You pay people to do things that take up time. We have a house cleaner. That's a few hours right there. When the kids were little, we had a nanny. But the nanny didn't just watch the kids. She also washed and folded the laundry, tidied the house daily, and sometimes cooked dinner. In fact, now that they are in school, I'm thinking of hiring a ho…

Locality is increasingly unaffordable for people as it's far more common for people who rent to move often (to avoid paying high rent increases) and people who own to be forced into living in a small sunset of places where they can actually afford a home (often far away from their communities or friends)

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#367

Post by aprilthird2021 »

oddthink wrote: post #136
bethekidyouwant wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At 10 PM I walk to the local and have three pints. The woman is not working and socializes during the day with other moms.

I mean, I could walk down to a bar at 10pm, if I wanted to. I live in a city. But if I'm getting up at 6:30, I don't think I want a pint let alone three that late. Plus, I'd still have two kids up, asking me to extend the wifi because they're not done with English yet or to help scan a page for math. I'm not going to just leave that to my partner. Even the more traditional pint-after-work would leave me coming home t…

> was entirely predicated on the unpaid and unacknowledged work of women

It was paid and acknowledged. It was paid in a wage to husbands meant to run an entire household under. It was acknowledged also, though we probably also took it for granted.

That being said, we're never realistically going back to a time when only one spouse worked. It's just a fact that households where both spouses work will get ahead, so that time and that type of life isn't ever coming back.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#368

Post by tokioyoyo »

brokegrammer wrote: post #365

Having friends is great but not "having" to have them is also great, which is what individualism allows us to do. Many people get in trouble by hanging out with the wrong crowd. Many people also become wealthy by hanging out with the right people. But being able to live your life alone without dying is a privilege that we should be thankful for.

You chose very interesting two different outcomes. Super vast majority of people just hang out with decent people, have drinks, talk about stupid stuff and call it a day. I’d like to think that people don’t strive to have friends for “networking” or are scared to have friends because “wrong crowds”. It just feels wrong.

My friends have been there at my low lows, and knowing that I can theoretically call them at any point of my day just makes me feel good about myself. Conversely, I’d like to think that my friends can call me at any point of the day for no reason at all. Stupid stuff like having a small joke group chat of “rags to riches” where we just share stupid ideas is just liberating. Meeting them in person and doing stuff together, even if some of them (or me) hates it, is still objectively a nice feeling.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#369

Post by tokioyoyo »

michaelt wrote: post #249
closewith wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

With respect, I think this is quite a sad and revealing comment, but your Hollywood definition of a friend fits my friends. I wonder if you maybe never experienced friendship but rather just acquaintances.

The friends who would throw down for you in a fight at age 19 when you reach age 40, will have families to look after and a lot more to lose than they used to have, like a nice house and a good job or they'll be at the far end of a skype link / international flight or they'll have discovered a new chill side to themselves now they don't have 19-year-old energy and hormone levels and you'll realise you don't want your…

My best friend asks me what I had for lunch on random days. Sometimes I get drunk and message him how I was reminiscing about the good times together. Things don’t have to be as complex as you think. Just appreciating the simple stuff might go long way.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#370

Post by redczar »

Der_Einzige wrote: post #358
watwut wrote: post #355

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While latinos voted for Trump a little more then last time, saying it was "the mass rise" is just a lie.

No, it is NOT a lie. Latino men had a HUGE shift. Trump won 54% of latino men. This was an over 20 point shift in ONE election. He won 39% of latino women. YOU are lying by even implying that it was a "minor" change. Please educate yourself before spewing lies on the internet. 46% of latino voters in general voted for Trump. https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-elections/exit-polls The reality is that the sheep vote…

There is evidence that voter suppression efforts and the closing of thousands of polling stations lead to the many millions fewer Democratic votes. Despite this there was a clear neo masculine backlash.
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