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What really happens inside a dating app

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Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#361

Post by DiggyJohnson »

lostmsu wrote: post #354
globular-toast wrote: post #321

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tiny detail: that "something" has to be out of the house and in a populated area.

Almost said nonstarter for us, people dead set on programming, but then remembered there are still co-working meetups.

Wait what lol

If you’re dead set on spending your discretionary time working and coding then dating will be impossible. I don’t think the opportunity to co-work together with others is the solution but I’m willing to be proven wrong. If this sounded snarky I don’t mean it to be, the programmer hobbyist is becoming rarer and rarer these days. Cheers

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#362

Post by Stratoscope »

halfmatthalfcat wrote: post #283
top_coder wrote: post #268

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ok I understood the Aloha shirt —> people thinking you’re a TJ employee —> asking for help connections. I feel there is quite a gap between here —-> getting a date. How does that work?

You start vibing and based on vibes you ask them whether you wanna grab coffee/a drink sometime soon, exchange numbers, smile and continue shopping.

You got it! The other thing is to be open to any kind of friendly interaction.

Just yesterday I was at the Redwood City TJ's and a guy asked me where to find soy milk. I wasn't as familiar with the layout of that store, but an actual crew member was standing near us, and I said "I'm not sure, but I think this gentleman can help you."

After he got his soy milk we ran into each other again, and he said "I'm sorry, I was sure you worked here. The shirt!"

I told him, "No apology needed! It happens all the time. And sometimes it's a nice young lady who asks me where to find something."

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#363

Post by Stratoscope »

jeffrallen wrote: post #272
Stratoscope wrote: post #247

My best dating apps lately have been Trader Joe's and Ducky's Car Wash. I wear aloha shirts every day, and nearly every time I go to TJ's, someone asks me where they can find a particular item. It may be a guy or a gal, but I am always happy to help a neighbor find what they need. That is not the reason I wear aloha shirts. I just love these shirts! Every spring I get the Cooke Street shirts at Costco, one of each ne…

Best dating advice I ever got was "get busy doing something you are good at and proud of, and you will attract someone who appreciates that". Apparently you are good at wearing aloha shirts and finding products. ¯ \ _ ( ツ ) _ / ¯

That is the best dating advice I have ever heard!

And yes, you nailed what I may be good at.

I guess I am also good at having conversations with random strangers, male or female. I always smile at people - men or women - but never in a creepy way.

And I say hello if it seems appropriate. I never expect anything out of this, I just enjoy meeting my neighbors.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#364

Post by Stratoscope »

bradlys wrote: post #353
globular-toast wrote: post #321

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tiny detail: that "something" has to be out of the house and in a populated area.

And popular with women too. You’re not going to meet many women if you’re racing motorcycles.

Yep. How amazing is it that women as well as men shop at Trader Joe's and get their cars washed at Ducky's!

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#365

Post by cmdtab »

jumploops wrote: post #173
cmdtab wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you done any research on the type of users who use dating apps primarily? The article is really good on the product decisions but light on what kind of life and situation these users have.

This was over 10 years ago, but iirc the primary demographic was what you might expect: 20s to mid-30s living in urban areas, skewing lower on that spectrum. Our data was almost identical to the article, showing the same imbalances.

I don't mean the generic demographic categories but rather similarity in behavioural patterns. Were these people terminally online, more or less attractive on average, had rich social life?

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#366

Post by lostmsu »

DiggyJohnson wrote: post #361
lostmsu wrote: post #354

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Almost said nonstarter for us, people dead set on programming, but then remembered there are still co-working meetups.

Wait what lol If you’re dead set on spending your discretionary time working and coding then dating will be impossible. I don’t think the opportunity to co-work together with others is the solution but I’m willing to be proven wrong. If this sounded snarky I don’t mean it to be, the programmer hobbyist is becoming rarer and rarer these days. Cheers

I don't know about co-working specifically, but meetups for startup founders, educational meetups for software engineering, and hackathons attract plenty of people of both genders.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#367

Post by talldrinkofwhat »

gizajob wrote: post #245
ebiester wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't get a professional headshot, of course! But you absolutely should have someone who knows how to make you look as good as possible in a natural environment. You should also have a woman friend critically evaluate your profile. (If you don't have a friend you trust, you should first make sure you can make trusted friends with women who will tell you the truth.)

There should be an app where you can find a woman friend to assess your pictures for a dating app.

I would watch this romcom.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#368

Post by wutwutwat »

DiggyJohnson wrote: post #360
wutwutwat wrote: post #331

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's not why I called them an incel. I called them an incel for spouting a hateful opinion as fact that makes women out to be inferior, you know, the thing incels are known for doing.

You should essentially never call someone an incel if you want to be taken seriously. Second, it’s obviously against the HN guidelines.

Yet, my comment remains left intact. Sometimes inaction says just as much as action...

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#369

Post by BrandoElFollito »

scarface_74 wrote: post #294
bradlys wrote: post #284

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This kind of advice only works if you’re not interested in a woman who works. You’re not going to be getting an ambitious woman from abroad and bringing her back to the US. Most of those women would already be in the US if they were interested in such a path to begin with.

Honestly, after you get a certain age, a lot of American women expect you not to need them to work. So I was downstairs at my hangout spot at the bar where I’m good friends with the bartender. A group of us started talking and this 45 year old lady who was attractive, a lawyer, multiple paid off properties, with two small kids going through a divorce and she was saying if she gets serious about someone, it would have…

I am French, not American so I may not get all the subtleties, but for me this woman is simply an egoist or is looking for financial support in exchange for something.

Pay for me with your money, but what is mine is mine.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#370

Post by fennecbutt »

torben-friis wrote: post #225
thr0w wrote: post #111

Funny thing is that when dating apps used to be "browse profiles, send message", nobody had to debate inner workings. Users could self select people of interest, send them a message directly, and know there'd be a very good chance that their profile/message would at least be seen. Issue today is that apps control visibility, both in terms of profiles and likes. I've tried Hinge a few times. Did like a 4 month initial…

The past you mention was awful for women, because social dynamics meant their profiles were being hit with a constant DDOS. That in turn made demographics very skewed, which made the problem worse. In fact I'd say being able to balance this gender imbalance is THE issue to solve for modern apps. Everything including monetization models is built around that.

As a gay dude who didn't experience it anyway, bumble did this (only the woman can message first otherwise men can't interact) and found that women eventually hated that as well. Obviously they just switch that whole feature off for us gay dudes.
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