> Naïvely, I would think that sshd would work for that.
> but again I think that suggests sarcasm
That's coming from that snooty little diaeresis.
Help me ask why you didn't just
361–363 of 363 posts
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#362"What options have you already looked through?"
If you were expecting sshd, and they mention it and rule it out because of reason X, you now have the start of a constructive conversation. "Oh wow, I didn't know that" or "Ah, hang on, I fixed something similar once, want me to see if I can dig out my notes?" are nice.
If you were expecting sshd and it doesn't show up, you could then offer "Had you considered sshd or ruled it out at all?".
Also, ask them for the problem they were trying to solve, and offer alternative takes on the problem, sympathise, and only go into alternative solutions after asking them to describe the solutions they've tried.
This is really hard, and I'm still trying to get better at it after 20+ years in industry.
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#363Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Some people might be offended or sensitive to direct questions, but that's for them to work through with their therapist. It's a fair position to take, but in some cases where successful communication is a necessity, that stance doesn't cut it. My go-to heuristic is "the wordier the question, the more likely it is to be perceived as well intentioned." So if I'm wondering why someone didn't use sshd, I might say, "S…
> My go-to heuristic is "the wordier the question, the more likely it is to be perceived as well intentioned." Are you familiar with "How To Make Friends And Influence People"? It trades on exactly this idea. Specifically, it trades on this idea to both seem well-intentioned and manipulate people. It uses this presumption of good intentions to cover the true intentions. It buries everything meaningful under an endles…
I've actually read this book no fewer than three times. I disagree that it trades on excessive verbiage. I think people were far more eloquent when the book was written and the excessive verbiage is an artifact of that. The book's real value stems from it's ideas around expressing honest interest in other people and making proposals in terms of other peoples needs, for example.