Makes me think about the message of the book
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Meg Jay
which has a nice review here: https://youtu.be/BeK7QVzSL64
‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
361–370 of 669 posts
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#362I think the issue isn't the "wasted life" but rather how one measures their life. If she was in a committed relationship, had offspring, a home with equity, savings, and a career, there is no guarantee that would bring her fulfillment. And even if you had that fulfillment, there is no guarantee it lasts. Life is hard, it's cruel and not at all fair. And the way to survive is learn that no matter how hard it hits, you…
As a youtuber I admire put it in words much better than I ever could: "... and then we'll be ok"
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#363> And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, “I have to have kids in a couple of years”; fun times!). All the while still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old I thought I was until what seemed like a moment ago. It sounds like going from one end of the spectrum (aventuros, yolo) to the other (a family, fast), all while punching above their weight, so to s…
This tangent of ripping on guys more attractive than you seems incredibly irrelevant. At no point does the author say she dated men with "good looks, relative success, social skills etc." You just sound grouchy, making excuses for yourself. Also, attractive men don't want a life of serial monogamy either.
Have you asked them all? Why do you make this assumption?
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#364I think the issue isn't the "wasted life" but rather how one measures their life. If she was in a committed relationship, had offspring, a home with equity, savings, and a career, there is no guarantee that would bring her fulfillment. And even if you had that fulfillment, there is no guarantee it lasts. Life is hard, it's cruel and not at all fair. And the way to survive is learn that no matter how hard it hits, you…
There are people who are perpetually single, with pretty much no relationships at all in their adult life. I don't know what is worse - having a handful of relationships that don't last a long time, or not having relationships at all. We have so many communication tools at our disposal today - ideally, it should be ridiculously easy to make friends, love/date etc as one can reach a person on the other side of the pla…
Could it be that, because people are online more and communicating in person less and less, that actual in-person meetings are fraught and awkward? It's a lot easier to just have "online" friends to whom you can present your "best" self, and only see their "best" self in return (photoshopped, carefully edited comments etc.)
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#365This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…
I'm from the flock that value his own practical and hard-learnt lessons over prepackaged answers. Yes it could be said it's more inefficient but I see a beautiful depth in earning your own growth.
Following an ethical life path does not provide the same value as rediscovering it.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#366This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…
Religion and conservatism is really good groundwork for those who aren't exceptional. Hard to say if the world is a better place with religion in it but it's easy to say that some people's lives /are/ better because of it.
There's a million ways to be. One of them is good for some group of people.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#367Wow, so much HN hate for Polly? It's my opinion that Polly is a national treasure. Her shameless wit and sense of humor make me smile. Her profound love of humanity makes me deeply happy. Not only that, but her writing is so poetic and lovely. Truly a gem. On the topic of this question/answer, I assume most of you are young? Or at least younger than I am. I can tell you now that the way you feel now will not last. Ch…
I don't know if anyone here knows who Polly/Heather is? If not, check out the suck.com archives (and her weekly cartoon Filler) for your 90's dot com boom era culture flashback.
I agree, things change and sometimes you can't go back. Doors are always opening and closing, but the rate is never equal.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#368Earlier quoted context omitted.
Men don't have the same time pressure to start a family with many starting at 45+. The other thing is men often become more attractive to women as they age due to things like financial success while the same can't be said for women.
women like aging white men because of our sweet dad bods, lawn mowing skills, and obsession with sports.
They like them because they see them as non-threatening providers; women didn't flock to the dad bod guys during college.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#369This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…
How you've written things is exactly how Buddhist mindfulness authors Christina Feldman, Sharon Salzberg, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and Pema Chödrön have been writing and thinking about it. I recommend checking out Wherever You Go, There You Are.
It's clear to me how all of the reaction and distraction we've started to discover that the current Internet lets us cling to will drive people to start seriously evaluating teachings of mindfulness and Buddhism.
Mindfulness interest is trending the highest it's ever been: https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=all&geo=US&q=m...
Also interesting, searches for Buddhism peak yearly in the fall/winter?: https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=all&geo=US&q=b...
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#370Earlier quoted context omitted.
>It is just not my impresion that men who hop relationships look all that better. The comitted ones are not ugly ones. There are plenty of good-looking men in committed relationships. You're reading the relationship in reverse. It's not that "men who hop relationships look all that better". It's that better-looking men can hop relationships.
I wouldn't equate looks with desirability, for men it's much more complex because women have complex expectations, and that's exactly why men maintain and even enhance their desirability with age. That being said, the desirable men are either committed (unavailable) or available because they can hop and choose to do so. So only a minority of desirable men are available. This is in strict contrast with the large major…
YMMV there. This is assuming that everyone is the same and these are absolutes, they are not. Every trait is a distribution.