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No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

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Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#361

Post by mulletbum »

maxxxxx wrote: post #242
Waterluvian wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think some breeds are just kind of fundamentally flawed. Were chihuahuas bred to be obedient or were they bred to be toys and possibly food?

No idea. They are very good lapdogs. Our dog is actually very nice and cute but she just doesn't learn anything. T

I have agree with you half don't, I train Australian Shepherds and I can say without a doubt that positive enforcement works better then positive punishment. I have worked with 2 Chihuahuas in my lifetime, but were little pieces of shit that don't respond to anything either way.

So I guess we should clicker train our black/brown haired fat kids and the blonde skinny ones are screwed.

Seriously though, your post makes me think about how dogs/child teaching is all in what you have and psychologist (maybe news) try to apply one method to all of them. It just doesn't work, some kids need one thing and others need something else. We live in such a crazy complex world.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#362

Post by hysan »

marcell wrote: post #62

Quoting the article: > "Sarah, put on the green coat or the red sweater. We're going to go out, okay?" Choice among humans increases the likelihood of compliance. And choice isn't important, it's the appearance of choice that's important. I've gotten this exact advice from so many articles and pop psych pieces. Maybe they are written by non-parents or their children are much easier, but it never works for me. My 4 ye…

Having worked in education with a wide range of kids (age, temperament, etc.), my view is that these articles are a good read. However, they are written for the masses. To get views. They distill (I hope) tons of research and case studies into a catchy, generalized piece of advice. It sounds good and is definitely worth trying, but under no means should anyone point to such an article as an end all be all solution to raising children. Your example is exactly why. Matters in life are rarely so simple as to be explained away in a single article. There's always going to be a part of the bell curve that gets left out when writing articles like this. Just something for everyone to keep in mind.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#363

Post by tux1968 »

Evgeny wrote: post #316
tux1968 wrote: post #298

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People don't acknowledge this enough, one size doesn't fit all. It bothers me most when people discuss diet and obesity. "Just don't eat so much!" is often given as slightly condescending advice. Such advice reflects a personal experience where your body isn't screaming in hunger 24 hours a day. Different people have different metabolisms too, turning food into energy to be spent, or locking it away instantly as fat…

Different people have different metabolisms too, turning food into energy to be spent, or locking it away instantly as fat -- makes a huge difference This is not true - at least the "huge" part. https://examine.com/nutrition/does-metabolism-vary-between-t... "Metabolic rate does vary, and technically there could be large variance. However, statistically speaking it is unlikely the variance would apply to you. The maj…

It's like saying, driving a car requires a neutral energy balance, you need to put in just as much gas as you burn.

While 100% true. It's not helpful information. It doesn't mention the fact that different cars burn fuel at a different rate. That some drivers can afford a higher octane fuel. And that a poorly tuned vehicle with incorrect tire pressure will require more fuel.

The point is, that there are many factors that go into weight gain and loss. And while in terms of basic physics it does indeed boil down to energy balance, that ignores a great many factors that affect both ones internal demand for more energy and ones ability to make use of ingested energy rather than turning it into fat.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#364

Post by JoeAltmaier »

tux1968 wrote: post #363
Evgeny wrote: post #316

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Different people have different metabolisms too, turning food into energy to be spent, or locking it away instantly as fat -- makes a huge difference This is not true - at least the "huge" part. https://examine.com/nutrition/does-metabolism-vary-between-t... "Metabolic rate does vary, and technically there could be large variance. However, statistically speaking it is unlikely the variance would apply to you. The maj…

It's like saying, driving a car requires a neutral energy balance, you need to put in just as much gas as you burn. While 100% true. It's not helpful information. It doesn't mention the fact that different cars burn fuel at a different rate. That some drivers can afford a higher octane fuel. And that a poorly tuned vehicle with incorrect tire pressure will require more fuel. The point is, that there are many factors…

And yet for each of us, where we're at right now, we lose weight by eating less and exercising more that we are right now. Its a wonderfully self-calibrating system.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#365

Post by 91bananas »

nhebb wrote: post #350
bbcbasic wrote: post #314

Earlier quoted context omitted.

AMA: what about the super runny pound of goop poo that leaks through both nappies.

Buy a dog.

Cannot recommend this one enough, many household messes will be gone in no time with a dog that does his/her part

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#366

Post by ivanhoe »

This is possibly a good long term approach, but what to do when you need to put the situation under the control quickly, and kids just don't cooperate? I had such experience when my 4yo kid was at some point fascinated by kitchen stove, turning the gas knobs on/off. It's just something that you can't slowly teach him not to do, you need to draw the line right away, for his own safety. You can't reason with kid that small, and it's too dangerous to let him learn the lesson by trying, so you just have to scare him out of it.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#367

Post by ryankey721 »

paganel wrote: post #102
SerLava wrote: post #5

> Let’s say you have an adolescent daughter and she says to you, “Mom, you are such a bitch. What have you ever done for me? You only think of yourself.” > The teen may be at the dinner table and just being quiet and not saying negative things. Well, when you're starting out, one of the positive-opposites can sometimes be reinforcing the non-occurrence of the behavior. And you just say, “Marion, it's nice having dinn…

> Let’s say you have an adolescent daughter and she says to you, “Mom, you are such a bitch. What have you ever done for me? You only think of yourself.” Maybe it's because I grew up as a kid in another culture (Eastern Europe) and some time ago (I'm 36 now) but do kids nowadays really call their parents "bitch"? My parents almost never laid their hands on me (the couple of times they actually did I had deserved it)…

I definitely wouldn't say it's common (and was a huge 'don't go there' in my family). However, I have seen some families where the parents aren't around as much or aren't responsible for discipline or structure, and this definitely does happen. It really depends on the parent child relationship, since that word would get grounding/timeout/huge reaction in my family, whereas the parents I've seen this happen to either get sullen or are aghast at their child.

To be clear, I'm not suggesting that laying hands on them would fix things. But there's usually a lack of someone being there who can send them to their room or give them any kind of punishment for their poor decisions/actions.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#368

Post by MarkMc »

ivanhoe wrote: post #366

This is possibly a good long term approach, but what to do when you need to put the situation under the control quickly, and kids just don't cooperate? I had such experience when my 4yo kid was at some point fascinated by kitchen stove, turning the gas knobs on/off. It's just something that you can't slowly teach him not to do, you need to draw the line right away, for his own safety. You can't reason with kid that s…

A workmate once told me that he found his young son fiddling with the dials next to a hot stove. So he took his son's hand and briefly placed it on the hot part. The son ran away crying but he learned his lesson.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#369

Post by praptak »

ivanhoe wrote: post #366

This is possibly a good long term approach, but what to do when you need to put the situation under the control quickly, and kids just don't cooperate? I had such experience when my 4yo kid was at some point fascinated by kitchen stove, turning the gas knobs on/off. It's just something that you can't slowly teach him not to do, you need to draw the line right away, for his own safety. You can't reason with kid that s…

In my experience our natural reaction to the actually dangerous stuff was scary enough by itself. Our kid immediately dropped behaviors that were plain dangerous and somehow kept on those that were merely "bad".

Edit: by natural reaction I mean the quick leap towards the child while screaming "NOooooooo!", not anything purposefully scary.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#370

Post by [deleted] »

ivanhoe wrote: post #366

This is possibly a good long term approach, but what to do when you need to put the situation under the control quickly, and kids just don't cooperate? I had such experience when my 4yo kid was at some point fascinated by kitchen stove, turning the gas knobs on/off. It's just something that you can't slowly teach him not to do, you need to draw the line right away, for his own safety. You can't reason with kid that s…

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