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Nine things I learned in ninety years

edwardpackard.com

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Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#351

Post by bwfan123 »

programmertote wrote: post #320

I'm approaching mid-forties. As a former Buddhist (up to like the age of 13) turned atheist, I find all the points the author shared in this PDF agreeable. Being self-reliant (being able to find happiness even when alone); being self-aware; being aware of others (including others' feelings, motives, perspectives); focusing on the journey; acknowledging that 'luck' has a non-negligible role in one's life; preparing ou…

As an older person, I found these agreeable too and well articulated.

I could put the nine bullets into 2 broad buckets.

1) and 6) pertain to being in the ego - but one that is principled, seeking clarity of cognition and be willing to correct self-deception. truth and intellect.

2), 3), 4), 5), 7), 8) and 9) pertain to awareness, being in the here and now, dissolving of the ego, universal consciousness, truth and happiness.

The first bucket posits an ego but one that is principled, and the second bucket seeks to dissolve the ego and attempt to tune into the cosmic energies. yin and yang.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#352

Post by carlosjobim »

malnourish wrote: post #200
flanked-evergl wrote: post #183

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> By your definition, are we all unmarried or living in disharmony? If we consider what the word meant up until about 50 years ago, then yes. If we consider the new definition, of "you signed a piece of paper given to you by the government, and gave it back to the government". Then, sure, you are married. I'm not trying to insult you or denigrate you, but again, if we use the word marriage for all relations between t…

I disagree; we have gained the ability to understand how different sorts want to share their lives with their families and communities. Do you hold the same position for marriages in other traditions - for example, Shintoism, indigenous belief systems, Hinduism, paganism, etc? Many such religions don't have the same concept of a marriage as a covenant with God, yet have existed for quite some time.

While I agree with you that involving God is not necessary for the definition of a marriage, surely having sex and having children are usually a must.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#353

Post by SoftTalker »

ropable wrote: post #36

> what an outsized role is played by luck This speaks to me. So much of our life circumstances are beyond our control (parents, genetics, geography, society, wider economy, etc.) It's humbling, how much of our success or failure is influenced by pure chance.

Luck is ambition and preparation combined with opportunity.

Lots of people pass or aren't prepared to do what is neccessary when opportunity presents itself. The people who are, are called "lucky"

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#354

Post by carlosjobim »

flanked-evergl wrote: post #204
james_marks wrote: post #201

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No one is suggesting marriage means "all relations between two human beings". Only that there are many ways to demonstrate and be committed to a person. The legal recognization by a church or government is one version, but not the key ingredient.

> Only that there are many ways to demonstrate and be committed to a person. And we don't need to use the word marriage for all of them. > The legal recognization by a church or government is one version, but not the key ingredient. The covenant with god has been a key ingredient for centuries.

I'm religious, but I don't see it that way. When a man and a woman are faithful to each other and having a family together, then that is it: they are married.

Actions have a value which are seven thousand times more worth than words, so the covenant with God is automatic in that situation even if the people are ignorant and have never heard of God.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#355

Post by coldtea »

BarryMilo wrote: post #203
coldtea wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I have read psychologists saying that "happiness as default state" is a social construct myth of modern times. Psychologists are what's the actual social construct myth of modern times. > You cannot be happy all the time That's not what "happiness as default state" implies though. It's about happiness being the disposition you opt for, as opposed to wallowing in misery and seeing fault in everything as your baselin…

Psychologists are a myth?

Not their existance, their utility

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#356

Post by carlosjobim »

jacquesm wrote: post #239
flanked-evergl wrote: post #204

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Only that there are many ways to demonstrate and be committed to a person. And we don't need to use the word marriage for all of them. > The legal recognization by a church or government is one version, but not the key ingredient. The covenant with god has been a key ingredient for centuries.

Can you please stop flaunting your ignorant and limited worldview all over this thread? You've insulted a good 30% of humanity by now and are on track to insult the remainder, it's getting a little hard on the eyes and there are only so many links of yours that I'm prepared to flag.

I thought flaggers always hid in the shadows, but here you are out in the open. Would you please reconsider your actions? You're doing great damage to a very nice message board, and it is to no benefit for yourself.

Flagging is a powerful tool in this small duckpond. Instead of abusing it, you can use HN to learn self restraint, so that when you one day achieve power over other people in real life you have learnt not to abuse it.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#358

Post by malnourish »

bluecalm wrote: post #322
malnourish wrote: post #178

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm married to my wife. We lived together happily for more than a decade before we married. We are childless atheists in a neighborhood of other childless, atheist, married couples, some of whom have been together almost as long as my wife and I have been alive. By your definition, are we all unmarried or living in disharmony?

Now I really want to know how you find a neighborhood of other childless atheits!

Sheerly by luck! Honestly couldn't believe it nor could I be more grateful. We have a weekly fire night and a neighborhood potluck once a month!

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#359

Post by raleighm »

efsavage wrote: post #326
kinnth wrote: post #267

I really love reading the wisdom of older people. Society really dismisses everyone over 80, but I find myself having deep interesting connections with a few people much older than myself (38). Something society always neglects is that everyone goes through the same thoughts time and time again. We all make mistakes and we learn our own way, but when someone's 90, they really have done a lot of it all before. Even if…

> they really have done a lot of it all before Not even just done it before, but done it multiple times . This is where experience is forged into wisdom.

Exactly. Wisdom sometimes comes from having the right thing to do already articulated in your head (which itself took some reps to articulate), seeing yourself not follow it, and seeing the consequences.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#360

Post by wraptile »

shark1 wrote: post #59

> "...happiness to become one’s default state of mind." I have read psychologists saying that "happiness as default state" is a social construct myth of modern times. You cannot be happy all the time, the fact of being unhappy sometimes is what drives you self-reflect and to chase meaning to your life. To feel pleasure you need to feel some pain.

There's fundamental lack of emotional depth in our society as I believe you can be happy and displeased or in pain _at the same time_. I can say that I'm never unhappy but I do feel displeasure, anger and pain at times as these aren't opposites and don't cancel each other out in my model of the world.
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