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Never waste a midlife crisis

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#351

Post by 2-718-281-828 »

jncfhnb wrote: post #343
2-718-281-828 wrote: post #325

Earlier quoted context omitted.

isn't a midlife crisis is just a label for burnout / depression at the end of the day? everybody who is depressed feels like life is stuck and going nowhere.

A midlife crisis implies, imo, that you haven’t reached the things you wanted to and are running out of time. Not that you aren’t moving forward per se.

yes, but practically speaking (and also from painful personal experience) this just seems like semantics. it boils down to the same issues. it's just that the person connects those feelings with age. but then again - no depressed person ever felt young - not even those who are objectively young. even at 20 i felt old. i knew i wasn't old in a general sense but i felt old relative to what ever i thought should have been at that age. same with midlife crisis. luckily i discovered that pattern and i'm getting better at dealing with it.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#352

Post by JumpinJack_Cash »

2-718-281-828 wrote: post #327
quickthrower2 wrote: post #23

Midlife crisis needs to be split into the "responsible for kids" and "not" categories. The "not" people can do wilder/riskier things, although I suspect on average they don't since fear of things massively outweighs "can you actually do it" factors. Probably the paper boxes we build are smaller than the metal ones outside of them.

> The "not" people can do wilder/riskier things not going to help anyway. midlife crisis and other related mental problems can never be resolved by outward solutions. you can distract yourself for a while with exciting new hobbies (like getting a motorbike) but it will come back and even harder at that because then you will feel like it's even more hopeless as even this exciting change didn't really solve the underly…

The midlife crisis is a need for novelty, specifically the brain is not stupid, it sees that everything around is either collapsing or freezing in place and it wants to fight that, reverting to the days of college when everything was about building up and dynamism.

If and only if you get back to the same levels of building up and dynamism of the college days , and you are still sad/depressed, you could claim that the thing is not outward related.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#353

Post by pclmulqdq »

j0hnyl wrote: post #126
pclmulqdq wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That might be a "quarter-life crisis" not a mid-life crisis. Mid-life crises are usually 45-50.

The American Psychological Association considers middle age to begin at 35.

That's great, but the crisis in question happened before 35. The psychology of quarter-life and mid-life crises is also very different.

See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#354

Post by chownie »

vasco wrote: post #281
ctrlp wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is good advice. Sadly, many on HN are very pro "mental health professionals". I see the opposite advice proffered frequently. These "professionals" make things worse by pathologizing normal life. Their availability to function as ersatz "friends" discourages people from making the real kind, imho.

It's just inviting downvotes but I also agree with you. Therapy is a scam and no doctor can explain how or why anti-depressants work (also why they have people "try" many before finding the "right one for you"). But people are too cool for friends and family now and hearing hard truths so they pay someone to be told they matter and how to run their lives. I have seen different approaches to therapy being done to diff…

> Therapy is a scam and no doctor can explain how or why anti-depressants work (also why they have people "try" many before finding the "right one for you").

We also don't know the mechanism behind how anaesthesia works, this doesn't mean anaesthetists are grifters.

Mental health issues are not easily distinguished, "depression" is a cluster of conditions which probably have different treatment responses but all present alike. It's not unusual that some people will respond to SSRIs, others will need beta blockers and a third group will need talk therapy.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#356

Post by [deleted] »

majormajor wrote: post #3
xyzelement wrote: post #2

I wonder if the mid life crisis is a completely modern and secular malady. Thinking to my religious friends who have 5+ kids, a rich spiritual life and deep engagement with community, it's very hard to imagine them going through one. Because they are too busy, but mainly because their life is oriented from the get-go around what is very meaningful to them

> Thinking to my religious friends who have 5+ kids, a rich spiritual life and deep engagement with community, it's very hard to imagine them going through one. I grew up in a church and will tell you right off the bat that neither church nor family prevents one. Googling will give you no shortage of Christian articles and resources around dealing with them. Nobody is immune to that sense of "everything looks peachy…

[deleted]

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#357

Post by cranium »

quickthrower2 wrote: post #23

Midlife crisis needs to be split into the "responsible for kids" and "not" categories. The "not" people can do wilder/riskier things, although I suspect on average they don't since fear of things massively outweighs "can you actually do it" factors. Probably the paper boxes we build are smaller than the metal ones outside of them.

I don't think people with kids should weaken their midlife crisis. Kids adapt and maybe they'd prefer a more lively parent to a resigned one?

And compared to divorce, a midlife crisis has a lot more upsides.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#358

Post by [deleted] »

sph wrote: post #83
OO000oo wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

38 yo male now starting to think I don’t know what a midlife crisis is.

A midlife crisis is quitting your desk job to sell ice creams on the beach in the Caribbean. Getting to the point of doing it, not just thinking about it.

[deleted]

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#359

Post by jodacola »

austinl wrote: post #133
jodacola wrote: post #127

I turned 40 last year, shortly after “making it” to my career goal: CTO of a hyper-growth start-up. Shortly after my birthday, my daughter, who had just started middle school, was hospitalized because she was suicidal. What I believe has been a midlife crisis exploded with such tremendous force, I thought I was losing my mind. Thank goodness for good therapy, which I immediately sought. This is the most profound reco…

If you don't mind sharing, where did you find a therapist, and what is their background? It seems like there is such a wide range of options, and I'm a bit hesitant about the online platforms.

I did what rednalexa suggested: asked for help and recommendations from folks in my life who have used mental health professionals and swear by them.

When I met professionals for an initial consultation, I paid close attention to my comfort with each and how I felt about sharing the deepest details of what has been one of the hardest periods of my life.

Through those recommendations, I found someone with whom I felt comfortable and chose to move forward.

Like many things in life, I recommend just taking a first step; in this case, an initial consultation. Follow your gut, if you can. Don't feel good about it? Don't move forward.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#360

Post by foobarian »

rootusrootus wrote: post #53
codq wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank you. I turned 40 this weekend, and have spent the last few months if not years wondering who the hell I am, and thinking about all the cool projects, startups, languages and learnings I'd love to explore. However, I also have a 3-year old I'm taking care of who drains me of all my excess time and energy. I can't do any of this stuff. I'm exhausted at the end of the day, and with my 1-2 hours at the end of night…

> Maybe when he's older I'll have time for a midlife crisis. If you're like me, yes. When I was 40, my daughter was 3, and I didn't have much time for worrying. Now both my kids are tweens and my direct day-to-day responsibilities as a parent have declined so much that I have plenty of time for a proper midlife crisis. It sucks more than I ever imagined, though I'm working through it and feeling a little better about…

I'm in your shoes, more or less, and what I panic about is the fact that now that the hands-on time with the tween is so much more optional, I could be missing out on invisible parenting opportunities by not being proactively involved. Example, kid is happy to spend all day drawing or reading or playing BS roblox games with friends. Should I have put more of a limit on this and insisted on a couple of hours a day of other activities like crafts, music instruments, or just hanging out/hooking up playdates? It's a lot easier to be lazy at this age since the kid is not actively trying to do something dangerous like play with scissors or fall into a pool.
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