Ask HN: Are you depressed? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#351

Post by edem » Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 12:21 PM UTC

sharkweek wrote: post #190

swat535 wrote: post #186

Nowhere else to post this so here it goes. I lost my job in January. From January - March I started looking for a job and then COVID hits at the height of my search, now suddenly no one is hiring and all the businesses are slowing down. My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her, I had to return the ring, she had no idea and I never told her about it. I…

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. To be blunt, it sounds like you’ve been tossed into a blender, and I can’t think of anyone in my life who could have gone through all of what you just described and not feel exhausted so please keep that in mind. It sounds like a lot. I don’t have any advice to give except, if you are able, find and speak to a professional therapist. I thought I was above that sort of…

I second this. A therapist can help _A LOT_. I spent 3 years in therapy and my life changed to the better.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#352

Post by edem » Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 12:23 PM UTC

swagtricker wrote: post #307

swat535 wrote: post #186

Nowhere else to post this so here it goes. I lost my job in January. From January - March I started looking for a job and then COVID hits at the height of my search, now suddenly no one is hiring and all the businesses are slowing down. My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her, I had to return the ring, she had no idea and I never told her about it. I…

Nobody knows me on here, so I'll have to keep it that way after I post this. Get professional help. A combination of COVID-19, a high paying/high stress consulting job, and a history OCD related stress & paranoia pushed me into a VERY bad place. I was considering suicide. I didn't go outside for weeks if I could avoid it. I'd go 3-4 days w/o a shower (out of character for me). I started subconsciously punishing mysel…

Thanks for sharing this. To me writing about these things has a very good effect on my mood.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#353

Post by jmkni » Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 12:24 PM UTC

patcon wrote: post #128

Remote work is not for me. I'm struggling pretty hard. I miss people. I miss my sense of being good at the parts of work that involved people. I'm shit at working alone. I'm not productive like some are, and all my best assets were how I could support people around me and help them love what they were doing. All I have left of work are the parts that make me feel badly every day. Fuck this pandemic.

It's not for me either. I feel as though there's a lot of peer pressure to say I love working from home, and I'm so much more productive!

I hate it, it makes me miserable and I'm much less productive.

I'm back in the office 5 days per week again, through choice. Most of the time, I'm there on my own, but get to see others when they show up, and also get to leave work at the office, come home and relax.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#354

Post by bosie » Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 12:26 PM UTC

_olsk wrote: post #237

Funny enough, I used to be depressed for almost my whole life and now I'm not. Two and a half years ago, I dropped out from an average university to be admitted in Harvard within one year. At that time I also had poor English, struggling to differentiate present and past simple tenses. In just two years, I ruined relationships with my relatives, lost all friends, don't talk to anyone, got a horribly loose skin, had a…

If you don't mind me asking, the loose skin is from the weight loss or did you get hit by an illness on top of the tinnitus/mini-stroke?

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#355

Post by purposeful » Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 12:26 PM UTC

swat535 wrote: post #186

Nowhere else to post this so here it goes. I lost my job in January. From January - March I started looking for a job and then COVID hits at the height of my search, now suddenly no one is hiring and all the businesses are slowing down. My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her, I had to return the ring, she had no idea and I never told her about it. I…

Hey brother, I'm sorry to hear you're going through all of this at once. I've been through the grinder a few times - still am - but not like this, so I can imagine it must be tough.

When you're with somebody, especially for so long and on the road to marriage, they almost become your purpose in life. Losing someone like that means you also lose your sense of purpose, so everything else feels like you're just aimlessly passing time as you described.

The important thing is to not let it continue to spiral down. Force yourself to stay away from the mindless browsing. Start doing things to stimulate yourself more and work towards something. For me, it was running. I hated running. I still hate running. But it gives you something to work towards, and you'll begin looking for other things to work on too. It's difficult at first, and it will initially seem like just a distraction, but if you stick to it you'll realise you still have a journey to go on. It doesn't just stop here, so don't let it. It's hard to believe it now, but it will get better.

I know I'm just some random bloke on the internet, but if you do want someone to talk to, shoot me an email. I'm not a professional, but realise that you're not alone, and if it helps you reconnect to the world in some way then I'm happy to chat. And that goes for anyone. We'll all make it out stronger on the other side.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#356

Post by i_am_new_here » Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 12:27 PM UTC

rubatuga wrote: post #20

A yes/no questionnaire is the worst possible way to poll this issue.

It's a complex issue and reducing it to a "yes/no" questions doesn't live up to it, is what you mean.

Having said that, just taking a simple poll like this is a great starter, I think. Simplified, but very clear and understandable result and also: Easy to conduct.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#357

Post by scottlocklin » Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 12:29 PM UTC

paulintrognon wrote: post #344

i_am_new_here wrote: post #337

Earlier quoted context omitted.

worth > worse !!! (worth even kind of means the opposite) Regarding all you critique: That is just how your culture is setup. Mostly males live a lonely live with each other, cf. the animal kingdom, where "young males gather in groups until they get older, if surviving and might find (younger) females, then". If you go to mixed classes, like me, then there are a lot of girls, which have zero interest in you (but have…

> If you go to mixed classes, like me, then there are a lot of girls, which have zero interest in you (but have some "older" boyfriend) and constantly are turned off by you and look down on you. This is because in a lot of western countries we still have a strong culture of differiencing the way boys and girls are educated. For example, they are seperated from preschool, and expected to play with different toys. Expe…

>This is because in a lot of western countries

Dude's in Iran, not New Jersey. Pretty sure "western countries" the only ones experimenting with gender neutral anything, mostly because there are large populations of over educated people with weird ideas who have never been around children.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#358

Post by i_am_new_here » Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 12:31 PM UTC

nl wrote: post #227

seotut2 wrote: post #157

What's the point of this? Yes, I am severely depressed among other issues I am facing. I haven't had a job in 3 years, after burning out and started having panic attacks. The finances are so stressful that are making me just numb. I can't make any decision, the executive part of my brain appears to have shut off. Also, depression is not an illness. It's a defensive mechanism, just a symptom of a certain body state. I…

Depression is an illness (well technically I think it’s called a disorder).

It's important to understand the meaning of live in this context: The meaning of live is to preserve itself (and re/pro-create). Depression is a reaction to that this goal might not be reachable: Depression is putting you into an alert-modus, so that you work hard on fixing these/whatever (very tough) things to get back on track.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#359

Post by f0ok » Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 12:33 PM UTC

pedro1976 wrote: post #275

swat535 wrote: post #186

Nowhere else to post this so here it goes. I lost my job in January. From January - March I started looking for a job and then COVID hits at the height of my search, now suddenly no one is hiring and all the businesses are slowing down. My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her, I had to return the ring, she had no idea and I never told her about it. I…

Thats tough. My usual strategy to cope with situations like this is to sign up as a part-time waiter. Its quite physical job, which is good, cause physical work is satisfying in itself, and you have a lot of positive social interactions. This usually distracts me enough and offers enough socialization to be emotionally stable. Maybe this helps. Good luck!

This is an interesting approach - you're going out of your comfort zone yet making it productive for yourself and helpful for others. I've recently started something similar to push bad moods away - decided to work as a nurse in an isolated community. I won't do it for long, but I feel good useful.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#360

Post by f0ok » Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 12:35 PM UTC

janpen wrote: post #286

I am not depressed now but I am doing the same things I do when I am depressed. I think the difference is compassion. - it takes me hours to get out of bed but that's ok, I have loads of time during lockdown. - I spend hours daily scrolling through HN and reddit but that's ok, it's good to switch off for a bit. - I can only productively work 1-2 hours per day but that's ok, most people I ask is doing the same and tha…

I recall a comment from Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist, saying to "aim low" when starting from a difficult perspective, and slowly increasing from there.