Why are Adults so busy? • Hacker News Board

Re: Why are Adults so busy?

#351

Post by johnward » Wed, Sep 14, 2016, 5:07 PM UTC

majewsky wrote: post #63

ido wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How much time do you spend taking care of kids? That's the real time sink of adulthood (not just childcare itself, but also all the extra strain it generates in terms of household work, cleaning, etc). 10 years ago I had all the time in the world, even though I was an adult - a single, childless adult.

Having children is a choice. Most things in the original list are not a choice.

Technically everything on the list is a choice. You don't necessarily have to bathe.

Re: Why are Adults so busy?

#352

Post by bigtunacan » Wed, Sep 14, 2016, 5:09 PM UTC

nradov wrote: post #266

sapphireblue wrote: post #245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I also wonder how we manage to stay busy given that most home tasks (dishwashing, laundry, cleaning (roombas) and even cooking - see multicooker devices) are already automated, with "doing laundry" meaning merely loading and unloading the washing machine. I think you have a good point about idle time being gadgeted away. Also I think there is a tremendous potential in automation of physical labor (including remaining…

Dishwashers only save a little time. Most dishes still have to be rinsed in the sink first or else the leftover food plugs up the machine. And then putting away dishes takes just as much time. Doing laundry is a lot more than loading and unloading. If you have small children then you have to check everywhere for stains and apply something like Spray 'n Wash first. And then folding takes a lot of time. (There is a fol…

Don't forget turning out the pockets of all kids clothes. You don't want that 1/2 pack of bubble gum going through the wash :(

Re: Why are Adults so busy?

#353

Post by sliverstorm » Wed, Sep 14, 2016, 5:10 PM UTC

dazc wrote: post #43

jdimov10 wrote: post #13

The article doesn't really answer the question. It says adults are busy because they have too much stuff to do (duh..) But "why" is still a good question, and it remains unanswered. The answer is that, as we grow up, we tend to develop the belief that our well-being needs to be justified somehow. In other words, we start to believe that we are not by default worthy of living a good, joyful, care-free, abundant life..…

Having grown up in the UK I've always felt guilty about not doing anything in my free time. Partly because everyone else seems to be living such a busy and rewarding existence (or so they would have me believe). Now, living in Spain, I feel it's OK not to do anything. Just sitting in the shade for 6 hours watching the world go by doesn't make me a weirdo, like it does back home.

I'm OK with not really doing anything, but I try to draw a line between totally squandering time (e.g. scrolling endlessly through facebook, or watching a show you don't enjoy, purely to kill time) and calm, idle time reading a book or watching nature. I haven't figured out how to describe it well yet.

Re: Why are Adults so busy?

#354

Post by FungalRaincloud » Wed, Sep 14, 2016, 5:14 PM UTC

ktRolster wrote: post #257

FungalRaincloud wrote: post #242

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I tend to try to think of time as I think of space. If I clutter my space with a bunch of small things, I find that I think myself to be cluttered, and the disorder causes me unease. But if all the small things have their own places, and I keep putting them back when I take them out, it feels orderly, and there is no unease. It's really the same for me with time. If I clutter my time with a bunch of small, meaningles…

If I clutter my space with a bunch of small things, I find that I think myself to be cluttered, and the disorder causes me unease My problem with that is that the mess in my room matches the mess inside my head. Do I feel bad that there are things all over the floor? Nope, it is really comfortable because it matches who I am. I don't know how to solve this problem.

I can understand this - I've been there, and I know plenty of people who are still there. I think you've got your answer in what you've said, though. Your room matches your mind. But it's not just an input/output thing, there's a feedback loop that makes both worse, as either gets worse. Start by making your environment match what you want your mental state to be. Just hold on to that idea for a while. Say, a couple weeks of keeping everything orderly. Then reevaluate your mental state, and see if there's anything that feels like the next natural step. Don't worry about what that will be right now. You might find it's buying an agenda book, and scheduling everything, or you might find that you need to fix your sleep schedule. You may even find that you need to treat your free time as extremely high value, and only do things that you feel genuine ecstatic desire to do. What works for you might be different from any of these things, and you can look at what others do, but what comes next will usually arise naturally from doing what's right now.

Re: Why are Adults so busy?

#355

Post by retro64 » Wed, Sep 14, 2016, 5:15 PM UTC

SubiculumCode wrote: post #305

retro64 wrote: post #291

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What used to be a trigger for inventing a game, building a den, or making something new with lego is far more filled with minutes on YT. This hurts to read because it really nails it. This very thing has been on my mind quite a bit lately after watching my older kids now as young adults. We managed to keep them away from much of this simply because we never thought it necessary, but apparently not to the extent I wis…

To be fair to yourself, kids often disappoint their parents, but this is more on the parents. An anecdote: My dad was driven nuts by how much time I wasted as a kid and teen on gaming, and how it seemed that I had few productive interests,never built anything, and stopped projects as soon as I got bored.. He wanted me to be obsessed with something, but few teens are obsessed with anything but not being lonely, social…

To be fair to yourself, kids often disappoint their parents, but this is more on the parents.

This is true, yes!

But I am concerned about what this does to them as a person. Life will kick them down (and then in the head for good measure), and a time will come when they are truly standing alone. If they are lacking the inner self, will they have the fortitude and the wherewithal to navigate themselves back up, even without any immediate payoff? Or will this constant need to feed be so ingrained they won’t know how to push through a hard time with little hope and almost zero positive gain, and instead gravitate towards what feels good for the moment?

But, your anecdote offers hope anyway. Thanks for sharing.

Re: Why are Adults so busy?

#356

Post by sliverstorm » Wed, Sep 14, 2016, 5:15 PM UTC

paulmd wrote: post #300

kentt wrote: post #199

Since the article didn't answer the question of why, I'll submit a partial answer. People put a minimal value on their free time and so it gets sucked up with things of minimal value. One place I've noticed this in that placing a high value on my own time comes off as self-important. As well, wondering why colleagues aren't placing a high value on their time, leave me bewildered. Just the other day, a friend was show…

People are very irrational about gas prices in general. People will often go far out of their way to save an extra five cents a gallon. If you have a large 20-gallon tank, that adds up to a whole dollar saved. Depending on how far out of your way you went, that may not even end up being a savings. The best philosophy is to know where the cheap gas stations are near you. Try to fill up there when you need it, put five…

Car repairs are easy when you know what you're doing, but to many people cars are a black box. It's easy for you or I to walk up to any car and change the oil, but that's because we have experience & the confidence that comes with it.

There's also a lot of mistakes you can make even just in changing oil. I won't make them, but that's because I've already learned the hard way. John Doe has yet to put all the mistakes behind him.

Re: Why are Adults so busy?

#357

Post by kd0amg » Wed, Sep 14, 2016, 5:16 PM UTC

lagadu wrote: post #274

emodendroket wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Trying to cram in your relaxation time during your commute is, like, the opposite of relaxing.

Sit on the train and read your book or take a nap for 30 minutes isn't relaxing? I love my commute time.

Sure, I can sit on the train if I wait until after 7pm to go home.

Re: Why are Adults so busy?

#358

Post by gglitch » Wed, Sep 14, 2016, 5:16 PM UTC

andai wrote: post #304

gglitch wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I chose a system with super fast capture and sort, and I have reminders scheduled to view and re-sort everything I've captured at specific intervals. This is working for me, for the first time ever.

Which system did you choose?

Emacs org-mode. You can write capture templates that populate the file of your choice with boilerplate of your specification, and you fill in the rest, and it's all tied to the keystroke of your choice. Then another keystroke of your choice pulls up lists of any or all of your captures, sorted chronologically or by category or both, and it's single keypresses to sort/resort into new categories. As with all things Emacs, it's a learning curve, but feels like magic once you have it set up the way you like it. I have capture templates for work for Right Now, Today, This Week, Coming Up, Ongoing, Pending, Done, Daily Log, and Meeting Notes; I also have capture templates and another file set up for my personal diary. All entries automatically tagged and timestamped.

I had been using org-mode for years before I started using custom capture templates and agenda views, and now it's clear to me that they're the magic that makes org-mode worth learning.

Compromises: no pictures, no phone. Other people make these things work, but it hasn't been worth it for me.

Oh and for reminders: Apple Reminders at 9:00, 12:45, and 16:00.

Re: Why are Adults so busy?

#359

Post by anexprogrammer » Wed, Sep 14, 2016, 5:18 PM UTC

justinator wrote: post #316

anexprogrammer wrote: post #280

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Laundry - we have an order of magnitude more clothes than in the 1900s, and wash them much more frequently - far beyond what's needed to not be dirty or smelly. Kids have the same amount, and variety, as adults. Any time saved is far more than compensated for by sheer quantity and frequency compared to olden days. Dishwashers help with the bulk, but you end up with more dishes in the household (not worth firing up th…

> So track record says whatever future inventions bring us > to save time, work (and chores) will expand to fill time > available, and we'll be even more fragmented, with even > more stuff. Well then, just don't buy the stuff! Exercise some self-control.

Self control vs £bns of advertising to give us new hangups and solutions.

How's that working out for obesity?

Re: Why are Adults so busy?

#360

Post by zeveb » Wed, Sep 14, 2016, 5:22 PM UTC

Retric wrote: post #329

zeveb wrote: post #323

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> However, the expectation is someone will respond with ~"Thx, in meeting" If you check your phone in a meeting, and you don't have a family member in the hospital, you're wrong. It's discourteous in the extreme to check a smartphone (or noodle around on a laptop!) when meeting with others.

We have a rather family friendly attitude at work so the norms are probably a little different. There is no way to know ahead of time if someone is in the hospital. Now someone is stilling there holding the phone and looking at it, taking an extra ~15 seconds to respond is not a big deal. Now, if someone is going to respond in depth the expectation is they will leave. Also, there are more and less formal meetings, bu…

> Now someone is stilling there holding the phone and looking at it, taking an extra ~15 seconds to respond is not a big deal.

Meetings should be short and to the point: 15-30 minutes should be normal, an hour abnormal. 'I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention' is rude, and so is wasting every other participant's time while context switching back to the meeting.

> Also, there are more and less formal meetings, but in a technical meeting checking some point online with a laptop or phone occurs on a regular basis.

Sure, but people shouldn't be programming, working on their personal blogs, reading reddit, checking HN, catching up on the latest Wikipedia articles, browsing Google News or whatever when they're in a meeting.

Participants in a meeting owe one another their attention.