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The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

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Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#341

Post by nicbou »

cik wrote: post #337
tkgally wrote: post #328

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Too many negative comments here. I wonder if the author’s use of “you” rubbed some people the wrong way: “You are alone and powerless. You encounter a deep challenge,” “When you let your thoughts wander, they take you on a journey you’ll never think possible,” etc. The pronoun seems intended to refer to the author’s own experiences, but I can see why some readers might think it refers to them. I had a bit of a nega…

Without knowing the author, I wonder if that's a natural construct in their native language. As I've moved from Canada, I find myself consciously having to check to see if I've written "I", or "one", given that my local language, places a preferred conjugation in the you imperative.

Coincidentally, Quebec uses "we" a lot in their ads, especially as a way to say "this is how things ought to be done". For example, "this December, we vote".

German also has "man" which almost directly translates to "one" (the pronoun).

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#342

Post by nicbou »

et-al wrote: post #143
unsungNovelty wrote: post #50

Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time... To me, this…

> Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Some of the negativity is because many people out there were used to this slower way of living only for capitalist techbros to optimize every waking moment everything and hasten the rat race. So now the only people who can sit idly at a cafe would be those who've already have a few million in the bank. It'…

Where do you live? I've travelled quite a bit and cafes and pubs are constantly filled with regular folks enjoying an idle moment. Why would so many cafes exist if only that tiny demographic patronised them?

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#343

Post by nicbou »

esseph wrote: post #221
zwnow wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This would require a lot of changes in basic human rights and legislatures that would never go through within my lifetime so Ill just not think about this. Nuclear war is far more likely to happen during my lifetime.

> This would require a lot of changes in basic human rights and legislatures that would never go through within my lifetime I thought the same thing - US citizen

The US work culture was always insane though

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#344

Post by nicbou »

moooo99 wrote: post #89
yomismoaqui wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's just a matter of developing some self control. Be conscious about when you really need your phone (using it to pay or as your ticket) vs using is to pass time (doom scrolling X or HN)

It certainly is when you only look at the social media aspect of it. But always carrying a phone with you also brings an availability aspect with it. I know that saying "develop some self control" is usually a well intended advice, but it is very challenging for some people considering they are carrying their "trigger" basically everywhere.

You can puy the phone in silent mode and put it in your bag. I'm not blind to how addictive these blavk rectangles are but they're not the One Ring. The can be used like a tool then put back in their box.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#345

Post by csallen »

llmslave2 wrote: post #27

I'm realizing the only time I'm not stimulated is when I'm driving or when I go for my daily walk. My mom was right man, it's these damn phones...

I recently completed a long road trip and realized partway through. I spent the first few days listening to an audiobook every time I got into the car. But one day, during a particularly long drive, I finished it. And I didn't put anything else on. A few hours later, I realized I'd spent those hours lost in my own thoughts in a way that just never occurs anymore.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#346

Post by nicbou »

johnnyanmac wrote: post #163
accidentallfact wrote: post #155

Not that I want to be necessarily contrarian, but just a few months ago I decided to stop worrying about using my phone, and it honestly feels like the most liberating decision of my life. There is nothing wrong with it. I think that many people feel like their lives suck in some way that they can't define or explain, and they want something to blame it on, and their phone is an excellent target. It's relatively new.…

>I think that many people feel like their lives suck in some way that they can't define or explain, and they want something to blame it on, and their phone is an excellent target. They will blame anything but the billionaires. But to be a devil's advocate: I think most phone issues arise from a child's use of them. They don't have the discipline to put a phone down, and then it enshrines habits that last into adult h…

You can do all of these things outside the hour you spent at a cafe. Constant availability is partly self-imposed.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#347

Post by r721 »

cm2012 wrote: post #69
unsungNovelty wrote: post #50

Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time... To me, this…

Trying to sit still for 30 min without any stimulation at all (no talking, watching, reading) sounds like torture to me.

>People Prefer Electric Shocks to Being Alone With Their Thoughts

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/people-pr...

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#348

Post by nicbou »

wcfrobert wrote: post #66
Trasmatta wrote: post #16

> It’s contradictory to sit alone in a café. It’s against the reason cafés exist. > They are designed as meeting spaces. There is no table with a single chair. I'm so confused by this, because every cafe I've ever been to is full of people there alone. It seems to almost be the default, honestly.

For me, cafes are essentially libraries; except cafes actually have reasonable opening hours. I can't get work done at home (too many distractions), so I switch up my environment to one where I am forced to work. Go to any coffee shop in Palo Alto and Menlo Park, and you're bound to see students and tech workers sitting alone, typing away on their laptops. Even in LA, you'll see people editing videos and posting stuf…

Being alone in cafes is common and normal in Europe too. So is working there. It's just a nice break from being at home, and often your only option on the road.

Cafés can be both of those spaces.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#349

Post by rhubarbtree »

safety1st wrote: post #295
unsungNovelty wrote: post #50

Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time... To me, this…

Stillness isn't only enjoyable (for some), it's incredibly valuable. Stoicism and Buddhism both talk a lot about it and they're not the only ones. I make a point of sitting comfortably and doing nothing with no stimuli for 5-10 minutes every morning. Inevitably when you're still with no distractions, your subconscious starts surfacing various thoughts. There is a random element to what pops into your head, but there…

Far more effective for me personally is walking. No headphones, somewhere fairly quiet.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#350

Post by dwaltrip »

johnisgood wrote: post #322
dwaltrip wrote: post #297

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like your body is telling you something? Time to find support that you trust and face whatever is going on under the hood. For me, the three major turning points were quitting my job, later starting somatic therapy with the right therapist, and then finally getting diagnosed with ADHD. Good luck to you :) wish you the best

Well, I have MS and I have muscle spasticity, spinal hyperactivity, etc. The feeling of not having control over your body is terrible.

Damn, I'm sorry to hear that. That sounds very difficult.
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