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Facts about throwing good parties

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Re: Facts about throwing good parties

#341

Post by johnnyanmac »

titanomachy wrote: post #94
Animats wrote: post #78

(This is going to upset some people.) A successful escort who is into statistical data analysis and market research talks about the details of organizing an orgy.[1] Aella's thing is to ask questions that lead to "what do women really want", and go from there to design events. She has about 800,000 raw survey responses, so there's enough data to look for patterns. The answers will upset some people. The conventional…

I think this talk was interesting. You may be getting downvoted since people don’t want to watch the whole video to get the “answer” you alluded to, so I’ll summarize briefly: Aella notes that orgies have recently been very focused on maximizing consent and safety, and as a result people have very little actual sex at the parties and are dissatisfied. She notes that the kind of women who attend orgies are disproporti…

I'm a pretty introverted guy, so feel free to correct me here, but:

I fail to see how orgies and social gatherings have much correlation. The kind of people who are engaged enough to attend an orgy probably have entirely different dynamics, boundaries, and safeties to establish than the ritual of getting casual people to even show up at the door.

Re: Facts about throwing good parties

#342

Post by johnnyanmac »

HK-NC wrote: post #297

"Once an event crosses a threshold (maybe 70%?) of male-or-female dominance, most people of the other gender are likely to decline" Most guys I know would be eager to go to a party that had more women.

It's a dangerous game. 30/70 is probably still appealing. 10/90 might be where it starts to feel like you're invading in someone else's space.

Re: Facts about throwing good parties

#343

Post by cindyllm »

Esophagus4 wrote: post #332
knuppar wrote: post #83

Being brutally honest, I wouldn't be too keen to attend a party from someone that writes up about their 21 party facts lol. This sounds more like a meticulous plan to maximize human socialization than an actually just fun party :)

Casual hangs are definitely fun, but there's also a lot of fun to being at a bigger "party" or "event." It's everything from the organization of the space and the flow of people during the night, to the mix of invitees, to possibly having some kind of gimmick there for people to connect over and for the shy people who need some social lubricant (like palm readers, a caricature artist, etc), to the music, to the decor…

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Re: Facts about throwing good parties

#344

Post by johnnyanmac »

ryanmentor wrote: post #128
nixpulvis wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yea I have. Still waiting to hear confirmation that anyone they know is coming... but that still only puts us at like 6 people :/

Go make some friends. I invite people to events almost every time I go out and talk to people.

>I go out and talk to people.

Well there's the first issue. That's harder and harder to do in this economy, and the quality of people I meet aren't exactly the ones who won't flake 80% of invites.

Re: Facts about throwing good parties

#345

Post by nxor »

fragmede wrote: post #229
Aeolun wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think parties in the Netherlands consist mostly of “have house, bring booze” and things get taken from there. At least, when I was in high school/university (we got to buy alcohol from 16 at the time).

High school/University house parties in capitalist America have a "have house, bring money" theme, because drinking age is 21, so the oldest person buys the alcohol for everybody else, and things get taken from there.

When was the US not capitalist? And you really think if we weren't, the theme would be different?

Re: Facts about throwing good parties

#346

Post by elzbardico »

BowBun wrote: post #320
kashnote wrote: post #34

Love all of these tips. I've hosted dozens of events since moving to NYC and figured I'd add 5 more: 1. If this is a dinner party (or people are all seated), force people to get up and move in a way that they'll meet new people. Do this when you're about 2/3 of the way through the party. Some will complain - do it anyway. 2. Plan 1 (ideally 2) interludes. It can be a small speech, moving people around, changing locat…

#4 has been tough for me - I take it semi-personally, as a sign of disrespect. I get that everyone has things going on. That said committing to an event where the host spends time + money to prepare forand then not going just seems so rude to me. I try not to give folks a hard time, but after a couple strikes I just won't invite them anymore. It's not worth accomodating people who regularly flake, they can hang out w…

Usually, people who don't want to go to your party will find an excuse as early as possible to decline your invitation in order to avoid unpleasantness and awkwardness for themselves.

Assume that the vast majority of people you properly invited and that RSVP you DID want to go, even if they flaked at the last moment. Yes, there are some inconsiderate bastards out there, but there's a big subset of flakers that do feel guilty/regret not going, far more than we can imagine.

You need to understand that in the great schema of life, parties for the invitee are always at a lower priority compared to work, health and family issues: A single guy may have finally got a date, a mom can be having issues with their kids at school near exams period, someone may be anxious after a not so great feedback at a work 1:1 with their boss and decided to polish their resume.

And besides life stuff preempting party attendance, there are a lot of other factors. Some people you invite may have been raised in an environment where, due to poverty, immigration, family issues, they were never really in too many parties, and thus, while they may wish to enjoy your party, they may become too anxious to attend what is an unfamiliar experience to them.

Depressed, low esteem people, for example, will have a big probability of believing that your invitation was not that serious, and that you only invited them out of politeness. Actually, you don't even need to have depression issues in the mix for that to happen, some cultures have a marked tendency to avoid directness in communication, and for those people, if you don't have a close connection to them, or if they perceive you as higher status than them, they will believe your invitation is not actual for real, and they are not really expected to attend.

So, for some of those people I think that is worth your effort insisting more than twice, maybe trying to make they really feel welcome and needed a bit more.

It may sound crazy and counter-intuitive, but sometimes, just sometimes, some of the people who flaked do respect you more than some of the people who went and just wanted to have a good time for free.

Re: Facts about throwing good parties

#347

Post by knollimar »

NaOH wrote: post #244
kashnote wrote: post #34

Love all of these tips. I've hosted dozens of events since moving to NYC and figured I'd add 5 more: 1. If this is a dinner party (or people are all seated), force people to get up and move in a way that they'll meet new people. Do this when you're about 2/3 of the way through the party. Some will complain - do it anyway. 2. Plan 1 (ideally 2) interludes. It can be a small speech, moving people around, changing locat…

>1. If this is a dinner party (or people are all seated), force people to get up and move in a way that they'll meet new people. Do this when you're about 2/3 of the way through the party. Better, I've found, for compelling people to interact with others they may not know, is to assign seats. This enables separating couples or others with a preexisting connection. The act of eating offers the benefits of a subject to…

Is it not rude to separate couples?

Re: Facts about throwing good parties

#348

Post by johnnyanmac »

eertami wrote: post #304
karel-3d wrote: post #237

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It really is. Men actually don't feel comfortable when they are at majority women party. They start to feel insecure.

I suspect what OP meant is that if the party is majority men, then they are still happy to hang out.

It says "of the other gender".

And yes, I get it. If it gets to a poitn where it feels more like a female-only space, I'll be less inclined to go next time. I don't want to feel like I'm invading.

I'm perfectly fine with a sausage fest, though. That's the default in tech circles, after all.

Re: Facts about throwing good parties

#349

Post by cindyllm »

elzbardico wrote: post #346
BowBun wrote: post #320

Earlier quoted context omitted.

#4 has been tough for me - I take it semi-personally, as a sign of disrespect. I get that everyone has things going on. That said committing to an event where the host spends time + money to prepare forand then not going just seems so rude to me. I try not to give folks a hard time, but after a couple strikes I just won't invite them anymore. It's not worth accomodating people who regularly flake, they can hang out w…

Usually, people who don't want to go to your party will find an excuse as early as possible to decline your invitation in order to avoid unpleasantness and awkwardness for themselves. Assume that the vast majority of people you properly invited and that RSVP you DID want to go, even if they flaked at the last moment. Yes, there are some inconsiderate bastards out there, but there's a big subset of flakers that do fee…

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