Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why don’t more people live close to friends?

annehelen.substack.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

341–350 of 572 posts

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#341

Post by mcv »

waboremo wrote: post #164
Zach_the_Lizard wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My hypothesis is it's connected to the decline in religion, or, more specifically, the mandatory church on Sunday type of religion, no matter what flavor it took. A built in semi-mandatory third place seems pretty nifty as far as building social relationships goes. I'm an atheist but I do remember building bonds this way in those heady pre-smartphone days. It's a shame the baby is stuck in the bathwater.

The decline in religion happened after the increase of convenience. Hence the popularity of televised religious content.

My church started streaming services during the Covid lockdowns, but it's really not the same as being there.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#342

Post by mcv »

rcarr wrote: post #101
naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

Here’s another thing no one talks about because it’s taboo: drink driving. Right up until the mid 70s, it was completely socially acceptable to drink and drive. Now I agree that it was probably a good thing that’s it’s been banned, but having to pay for and organise transportation to go to whatever event it is you want to go to adds another substantial layer of friction to socialising. Not to mention the fact that th…

Another good argument for walkable cities and good public transportation.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#343

Post by flippinburgers »

naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

The suburbs suck because people don't have porches anymore. Even if they did people are highly suspicious of one another. It is a lose-lose situation all around.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#344

Post by chrisallenlane »

trinovantes wrote: post #119
naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

My personal theory is that suburban sprawl killed the "third place" in modern society. If you have to drive to a place to socialize (which probably involve drinking), then you're probably not going. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place

Work-from-home (as much as I love it) has also killed the "second place" for a lot of people.

Not to mention grocery delivery apps and such. Just speaking personally, it's perhaps a little too easy to never leave my home. Doing so now requires a deliberate decision.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#345

Post by emptyfile »

spaceman_2020 wrote: post #250
BenFranklin100 wrote: post #14

Access to friends is probably the biggest reason I prefer dense urban environments. There’s something magical about being able to step out your door and be within a 10-20 minute walk of close friends or family. It invites casual get togethers like Saturday afternoon coffee or an after work drink. Living an hour or two apart kills these opportunities. I recall walking through Vienna one weeknight evening and being ama…

At least in my country, no one calls ahead before dropping by to meet you in smaller cities. They just show up and hang out. In the big cities, of course, everyone plans ahead. Which is great for productivity but pretty awful for socializing. Urban culture revolves around productivity, while in smaller towns here, everyone seems happy being non-productive if it means keeping their social life.

[dead]

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#346

Post by Philorandroid »

reyqn wrote: post #222
pharmakom wrote: post #186

Cars. Everything is designed around cars. Cars require lots of space, particularly at the destination (parking). So everything is built spread out (sprawl). Now you can choose between living in a tiny apartment or something bigger, but far away from everything. When you are younger, enough of your friends might choose the apartment and you can live near friends. This is for many what makes the college experience spec…

I think cars was the single most stupid "evolution" for humanity. And when maybe we had an out (prioritizing public transports, because fossil fuel is running out), then what... ELECTRIC CARS FOR EVERYONE. Cars take up so much money and space and energy... And the time that you should gain thanks to your car is just lost in transportation time, because now you can (and have to) live farther from work / friends / fami…

Conversely, cars made it possible to:

- Live outside of dense urban environments while still working in one

- Travel to visit friends and family not living down the street

- Not be dependent on shaky public transport infrastructure (US)

- Travel where public transport isn't available

Everyone owning a car might not be the most efficient or pleasant solution, but certainly there are more productive attitudes to have than "cars are bad and I hate cars because they're bad".

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#347

Post by ptero »

mcv wrote: post #336
ptero wrote: post #300

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Cities outside of US are just fine for raising children. Idk, there are many cities outside the US where I wouldn't want to stay more than absolutely necessary, let alone raise children.

There's a lot of dangerous cities in the world. Lots of countries have weak governments unable to keep the peace, with social life disrupted by crime, strife, unrest, distrust. But there are also lots of countries that are much, much safer than the US.

US certainly has its share of horrible cities.

That said, US is a collection of regions with very different social setups and it is easy to move between them. It is common, as preferences change, for youngsters to live for a few years in one state, settle to raise children in another, then move as empty-nesters to third.

If safety is what one is after, one can find a place that is super safe, comparable on safety to anywhere in the world. Someone else would aim for nightlife instead. This flexibility is what makes US very livable for me. Just my 2c.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#348

Post by LeanderK »

alwayslikethis wrote: post #313
OJFord wrote: post #281

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In the UK you would barely even have neighbours if that were the case, it would be properly rural, US 'suburban sprawl' needs a different word IMO, it's a housing estate basically (though that implies social housing) but a spectacularly isolated/car-assuming one.

Yeah. In other countries, suburbs are essentially just less dense parts of the town, but still has most of what makes a town a town. Suburban US is not much different from desolate rural areas minus the farms.

I would say suburbs are smaller communities next to a major city. Most inhabitants usually work in the city, and the suburb is clustered around a center with the town-hall, activities like an ice-cream shop, and a mass-transit connection to the city center. They also have an easy connection to a major road/highway taking you to the city. The connection to the city is easy and commuting expected. The suburb is similar to a town in a sense that it is self-sufficient with a school, pharmacy and one, two restaurants, but with few cultural activities due to the competition from the city. Inhabitants spend most of their time in the suburb and children grow up there, but due to easy access to the city people living in the suburb often go into the city to shop, go into a cinema, meet friends or into a museum/theatre. The symbiosis with the city differentiate the suburb to an adjacent smaller town.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#349

Post by treis »

nicbou wrote: post #265
enaaem wrote: post #253

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I just came back from Vietnam and I noticed that many Western countries lack low intensity socialising. There are tea carts everywhere. People sit, sip tea or some other light beverage and just do nothing. They’re close to others who are also doing nothing with whom they may or may not engage with. Bars and clubs are too intense, too expensive and unappealing if you don’t drink alcohol. At libraries and coffeeshops p…

Most of Europe has a café culture. It is sorely missing from North America. You just sit outside and watch the world go by. Berlin in particular has lots of parks, and people can go there with drinks, grills, frisbees etc. The sheer number of them means that most people are within walking distance from one. It’s great to meet without spending money. Again, those are almost absent in most of North America. You have to…

You think parks are "almost absent" in North America?

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#350

Post by dlsmith »

naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

You might enjoy the book Happy City, by Charles Montgomery.
Post reply on HN