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How getting richer made teenagers less free

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Re: How getting richer made teenagers less free

#331

Post by kjkjadksj »

squeefers wrote: post #235
CrossVR wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're in a suburb what else is there to do? Going to any interesting spots to hang out with friends involve asking your parents to bring you there with the family car and then arranging a strict timetable on when to pick you up again.

> If you're in a suburb what else is there to do? i mean, i agree with you, theres nothing to do anymore. but surely there was less to do in the 50s? if youre poor, theres never much to do really.

In the 50s the suburbs were new and inhabited mainly by families who also had kids. By the time I came around those people still lived in most houses and they were quite old in the neighborhood with few, if any families with kids my age. Quite a contrast to the stories I was told about my parents upbringing in the suburbs, where they could collect a dozen plus kids going door to door down the block.

Re: How getting richer made teenagers less free

#332

Post by tptacek »

kasey_junk wrote: post #84
nrhrjrjrjtntbt wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

10pm is a different animal. Out that late and I dont know where they are? 18+ (Probably some culutral reference I am missing in this video?)

My parents generation was so laisse faire with their child rearing that they ran ads to remind them to go figure out where we were.

In fairness: I drove through your home state regularly when I lived in Michigan and the billboards we saw were fucking bananas, including one about how radiators are hot and parents shouldn't restrain their children against them.

Re: How getting richer made teenagers less free

#333

Post by kasey_junk »

tptacek wrote: post #332
kasey_junk wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My parents generation was so laisse faire with their child rearing that they ran ads to remind them to go figure out where we were.

In fairness: I drove through your home state regularly when I lived in Michigan and the billboards we saw were fucking bananas, including one about how radiators are hot and parents shouldn't restrain their children against them.

The woke mind virus has won if you can’t chain your child to scalding radiators without the government using the fake news media to condemn it.

Re: How getting richer made teenagers less free

#334

Post by duncan_britt »

ozozozd wrote: post #318
owisd wrote: post #18

If you want ideas for what you can do about it, "Let Grow" (founded by the Anxious Generation author and others) provides resources for raising more independent kids and campaigning against anti-kid neighborhoods and overly burdensome neglect laws - https://letgrow.org

One of the testimonies mentions a 4 year old cooking dinner (pancakes, eggs and sausages). That takes an unbelievable a level of dexterity for a 4 year old. Reminds me of those social media posts of 4 year olds saying things that are way beyond the wisdom they may possess. I call BS.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/uq0jon/big_bro...

Re: How getting richer made teenagers less free

#335

Post by darubedarob »

everforward wrote: post #304
ares623 wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

IMO it’s less about success but a lack of reliable safety nets. Absent a good supporting environment, what choice does an individual have than to maximise their own outcome.

Not just safety nets, but the disappearance of the middle class at least in the US. It increasingly feels like people either make twice or more what they need to live, or half what they need to live. I can absolutely see why parents see the way things are, try to extrapolate out another 20 or 30 years, and feel like they have to make sure their child is in the "well-to-do" group. It feels like the days are gone where…

Fighting for the crows nest on the titanic

Re: How getting richer made teenagers less free

#336

Post by watwut »

louthy wrote: post #222
komali2 wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But how do you account for things like cycles of violence and PTSD? I have veteran friends that, sure, could handle being shot at better than me, but on the other hand I can go to a fireworks show without worrying about having a public breakdown. Or I got friends that suffer for lack of the structure the military provided and just veg out now, picking fights at the bar for a little excitement. Hell I guess you can de…

People with mental health issues need help and support. Just because there’s a pithy saying, doesn’t make it universally beneficial to have suffered hardship. Not sure what else you’re expecting? I’m not advocating imposed hardship, just trying to give some context for why it can often lead to a more robust and driven person. It’s clearly not universally true. I imagine there are lots of veterans that are able to cop…

The point is, hardship did not made them stronger. It made them weaker.

Abused kids domt grow stronger either. They grow weaker and less capable of navigating life too.

Re: How getting richer made teenagers less free

#337

Post by DANmode »

throwaway732255 wrote: post #103
TrackerFF wrote: post #15

I grew up in the late 80s/early 90s, and came from a rural place with a lot of poverty and at best working class people. We'd be outside all day long - being inside was considered a privilege. Weekdays and weekends. Decades later, most of my peers have middle-class jobs. Their kids are barely outside. Their parents are involved with them from morning to evening, or chauffeuring them between sports and other extracurr…

> Interestingly, I've heard from parents that many feel like they're both suffocating and feeling inadequate When my spouse and I were dating, we made fun of those “overly involved parents” who tried to live vicariously through their kids and over-scheduled them. Since having kids, my spouse has (over a one year period) put our 5 year old in: T-ball, swimming, dance, theater, Sunday school, church, soccer, gymnastics…

Your wife is living vicariously through the kid, in more ways than one.

That’s good - but only to an extent, like you’ve both identified in the past.

They need to seek their own hobbies and interests to fulfill their dopamine needs, and give themselves purpose besides dictating who the kids end up being.

Coming from the other direction: you could reclaim some of that time for the kids (take over pageant time and now that’s when we go to the trampoline place with you).

Don’t let your partner run further away from you! Have a chat and reign this thing in.

There’s at least one stranger rooting for you.

Re: How getting richer made teenagers less free

#338

Post by lostmsu »

nathan_compton wrote: post #180
throwaway732255 wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Interestingly, I've heard from parents that many feel like they're both suffocating and feeling inadequate When my spouse and I were dating, we made fun of those “overly involved parents” who tried to live vicariously through their kids and over-scheduled them. Since having kids, my spouse has (over a one year period) put our 5 year old in: T-ball, swimming, dance, theater, Sunday school, church, soccer, gymnastics…

[flagged]

How does it go with your wife when opinions are opposed and the matter is important (such as kids)?

Re: How getting richer made teenagers less free

#339

Post by YaeGh8Vo »

em-bee wrote: post #240
YaeGh8Vo wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's striking is the helplessness that seeps through your message. As if you had zero control over what happens. You're just a bystander watching what happens to your children. It's time for you to wake up, and start exercising your own authority.

you are not married, are you? that's not how this works. while they certainly need to talk, and not just once, but continuously, you don't have the authority to change your partners behavior. you need to discuss your feelings about this matter and come to a consensus about the activities and the goals for your child. it won't be easy. if i were in this position, i can't imagine what i would do. i feel even stronger t…

Wrong. I can tell you from 15 years of married experience, that it's more complicated than that. Some of the patterns that are put in place are feedback loops, and when you change your own behavior, it fixes by itself. No need to talk, just do something different. In fact, talking sometimes makes things worse, because now this background thing becomes a first class issue.

One thing I have observed over and over again, is that when I lack assertiveness, because I am tired or something, then she feels like she needs to take over. And she does it very well. But it also creates a lot of anxiety in her.

What I am saying to OP, is that it's time to be more assertive. (1) There is more at play than the couple here; you can't just watch your children getting wrecked and do nothing. And (2), taking some ownership might actually fix the underlying issue.

Re: How getting richer made teenagers less free

#340

Post by YaeGh8Vo »

4gotunameagain wrote: post #288
em-bee wrote: post #240

Earlier quoted context omitted.

you are not married, are you? that's not how this works. while they certainly need to talk, and not just once, but continuously, you don't have the authority to change your partners behavior. you need to discuss your feelings about this matter and come to a consensus about the activities and the goals for your child. it won't be easy. if i were in this position, i can't imagine what i would do. i feel even stronger t…

Don't forget that there are many indians lurking hackernews. With their particular views about women.

It's funny to me how much your comment says about your own prejudices.
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