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Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?
331–340 of 372 posts
Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?
#332A crucial point not mentioned yet: cross cultural issues. In an American culture, it is "self-evident" that clear communication is about being direct and to the point. But this is far from universal. More generally, western cultures tend to conflate earnest and truth. "Telling it like it is" is valued. We don't realize our own "phoniness". I have witnessed countless times people hitting a wall in meetings and other s…
Fully agree with this. As a south american woman working in a multi-cultural company, I have a very direct and passionate way of speaking, which tends to mean I can easily dominate conversations and "intimidate" a lot of my co-workers from other countries. That's why I try to be mindful of this; there's dozens of tools one can use to have effective communication. Begging the question, starting with a negative assumpt…
Fairly odd, as I've interacted with south american women before in both a professional and non professional setting and there have been those that were passionate in speaking and those that weren't. Usually those impassionate were more experienced in their profession. So it has nothing to do with ethnic culture. Op is just attempting a racial profiling, and attributing management styles to that. Pretty appalling and shows inexperience both in management and people skills.
Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?
#333When you communicate you deal with another human being you don’t get to dictate all the ways in which that interaction will go - they have a contribution in terms of direction as well as content. Lots of your points above seem to see a conversation entirely from the perspective of whether it accomplishes your goals for the conversation. The other person doesn’t necessarily share those goals.
So if they “don’t stay focused on the point of the discussion” they may well be entirely focused on the point of the discussion from their point of view - the point of the discussion for them may just be different from you.
Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?
#334I think certain cultures believe they are direct in their communication. But directness often has a price, which is an expensive one. When one is direct, they are making lots of assumptions of understanding and culture. When one is more careful and circumspect, one is ensuring better that one is understood fully.
Clear communication requires a complete knowledge of the subject matter. Without complete knowledge, a partial picture is painted, one that shows only a portion of the true thought.
I believe there are many who do not write things down. Those that don't typically do not have clear thoughts. Writing IS thought, and if you can write clearly you can also think clearly.
All of the examples in your rant pertain to a lack of clarity brought on by laziness. The party is unwilling to write things down.
Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?
#335Earlier quoted context omitted.
As someone who grew up in the Midwest and currently living on the East coast, I always get a little pissed off when I hear this trope. People in the Midwest are honest and just genuinely nice and friendly. Politeness to me has performative connotations. Most of my peers from back home talk like sailors. I think rural vs suburban vs urban mannerisms might be a confounding variable here as well. I'm from the suburbs.
It's all stereotypes. As I've done more therapy though I just realize that all the people that I know from the midwest really /really/ don't want to open up about how they are feeling. It isn't about swearing or being a part of 'polite society', it's about not addressing perceived issues interpersonally or in a group dynamic. Like I just see from my hometown near Minneapolis that people would rather just act like unc…
German here living in Sweden. The description sounds very much like Swedish/ Nordic behavior/mentality. And don’t many people in Minnesota actually have Scandinavian heritage?
Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?
#336Earlier quoted context omitted.
Hm. I am an American, but maybe that American optimism stuff explains some friction I have had at work. I find that being optimistic when important things aren't working is stupid and increases risk.
Us frenchmen, on a world scale, tend to be direct, realist and pessimist. So american optimism is really jarring at first until you get used to it.
Your say "direct", but in my experience French business communication is ridiculously convoluted, bordering on the baroque.
"Dear Sir,
I hope this message finds you well and in good spirits.
Would it be possible to arrange a meeting by telephone in the near future, perhaps even the next week, if that fits with your calendar?
I would shame myself if I neglected to mention that I will prepare the requested documents at the earliest convenience."
Is how I can only describe it.
Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?
#337Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm an American and I think one mistake we Americans make is that we think we are very direct, but there is a lot of indirectness in some of our communication habits. This is particularly true in other parts of the country. As a native born midwestern, there are some indirect habits there and I'd say the west coast as its own too. So we're mostly direct, but there is some indirectness that we are at times blind to.
As a mildly autistic person who grew up in the Midwest, my understanding is that it is not at all direct haha. East coast is much more abrasive and easier to get. If someone things you’re an ass they’ll let you know. And you can let them know why they’re wrong in a loud back-and forth. Then laugh and get a drink. In the Midwest people are too polite to say anything. Many midwesterners will bear an annoyance for years…
> As a mildly autistic person who grew up in the Midwest, my understanding is that it is not at all direct haha.
Have you heard americans talking about their digestion? You go to the bathroom? What are you doing there?
Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?
#338ASDs. Myself included for example
Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?
#339Being a bad communicator trying to improve I've been quite reflective about this
For me I think it comes from my background as a software developer.
When working at a task, the first thing I aim for is identify the most complex problem and build a trace of solution for that - it gives me a fair estimate for the task size to take all the complexity upfront, and makes it easier to delegate part of the details if I need a hand to keep a deadline later on.
When someone comes with a question, my brain is hardwire from 20 years of practice to go deep, trace a solution, and build on top of it.
The result is that there's hardly any linearity in the speech. Details get added out of order, preconditions get explored as needed by the core issue, and in general everything emerges based on the need of the argument to have a solid structure and not the need of the listener to follow up to the solution and of course if you take a total approach then it's hard to stay on topic.
Now as I said I've tried to get better but it's been hard beyond recognizing how one own thought process work.
Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?
#340Because no one likes short and to the point answers. Big, longwinded answers are seen as better. See any interview ever and resumes by extent.