I wonder how this could be news to someone? Usually you learn this at kindergarten.
Be Kind
321–330 of 401 posts
Re: Be Kind
#322And yet the opening paragraph of the about page is still fairly pretentious.
Re: Be Kind
#323I am an Engineering major(I have been programming since I was 13), and I have a bad habit of over-analyzing everything. I never skim over the details, and I always try to dig into a topic as much as I can to make sure my interpretations are correct. Because of this attitude, I can not enjoy fantasy novels. They ask me to bridge the gap between multiple paragraphs with insufficient information. But at the same time, I…
Perhaps a good start would be to read "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It doesn't address your concern directly but in the book you will find the pattern you seek for being perceived as kind by other people.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People-ebook...
Re: Be Kind
#324Notice how it was OK for him to be mean while Facebook was growing up it's infrastructure. Being right unfortunately is a necessary evil for the first wave in any project. In the nascent stages a project often needs firm almost machine like guidance. As the project matures the sense of stability trickles down organically to it's members. Some make the transition well while others dont. Often the best of our champions…
I disagree. You can absolutely be a powerful leader with a powerful vision without being mean or being, for lack of a better term, an asshole. That doesn't mean you acquiesce or agree with everything everyone else says, it just means you lead by example and with a keen understanding of how what you say and do affects those around you, rather than ignoring that.
It's similar to taking medication to treat the causes of an issue without being concerned with the side effects. It's totally cool if your headache goes away, but less cool if you then have seizures for 2 years. It's even worse if it makes those around you have seizures for 2 years, while your headache has gone away.
Re: Be Kind
#325From my experience there are a few people in IT who can learn from this and start self-reflecting. They are NOT the majority but there are angry white sociopathic nerds.
The monoculture is often criticized in the programming departments and being nice would be the first thing for diversity happen sooner.
Re: Be Kind
#326There is such a fine line between "hearing" and "listening". In the same respect there is such a fine line between someone "being taught" something, and that same person "wanting to learn".
Re: Be Kind
#327Earlier quoted context omitted.
well said I basically stopped commenting (well, except now -- doh) here on HN because of how frequently I saw toxic responses and punishment down-voting. There are a noisy subset of users here who either (a) can't understand or respect generalizations, especially based on older/real-life experience, or (b) demand "proof" for any claim, or (c) will punish any kind of not-narrowly-PC statement. And then the blatantly r…
A subset of your (a) that I see here a lot is when I write a 500 word essay arguing some point, and the first reply comes in and says something to the effect of: "On word 348, you said 'all'. Here's a counter-example that proves that you should have said 'some' instead! I found the word that is wrong in your statement! See? Your entire argument is invalid!" Nit-picking and pedantry is toxic in real life and on messag…
Understand that we're generalising here, but a counter-example on your main argument would have, in fact, refuted your whole thesis. There's a massive gap between a short (in length) invalidation of an argument and useless nitpicking. There's also increased conflation of the two in online discussion channels.
Re: Be Kind
#328Happy to be a data point: If you couldn't have guessed from my HN personality, this is me, as well. Different companies have had different ways of putting it; in the current incarnation, with Erin and Patrick, I'm called "Kanye", as in, "I'ma let you finish". Working on it!
I agree with joebeetee, I don't perceive your comments as rude.
For what it's worth, in the book "On assholes, a theory" the author states at some point, "How do I know if I am an asshole?". And the answer is that if you ask yourself this question, then very probably you aren't an asshole.
Re: Be Kind
#329I am sorry I did not come across this submission sooner today. There are lots of opinions being passed around here, and all of those opinions are being framed from the point the OP focused on: kindness. I am not sure if kindness is the right remedy. In fact I don't know what the right remedy is. But my insight is a little different here. These past couple of years I have been slowly reading a book called "The Multipl…
Hi this sounds like a really interesting book. Would you mind sharing the link to the book on Amazon, searching for the "the multiplier" gives three possible books you might be talking about :D.
Thanks in advance.
Re: Be Kind
#330Earlier quoted context omitted.
Welcome to Life 101. It's all about sales + skill. Skill is one part of the equation, necessary but not sufficient. Sales is the other part - unfortunately a great salesman can go very far without hard skills (to be fair, a great salesman has unique skills). This is a hard fact about life and something a lot of talented people realize way too late. Now you know. Focus on your pitch - ABC - always be closing. Every in…
"Every interaction in life is a transaction of some sort." What about when a mother kisses her baby's head? What about when a friend offers a hug to someone who has just lost a loved one? What about when a kid gives a friendly smile to the kid who always gets bullied? Are those transactions? Did those people get "good deals"? Now I'm just some hyperbole-prone kid who isn't qualified to give advice to a Life Veteran l…
> What about when a mother kisses her baby's head? What about when a friend offers a hug to someone who has just lost a loved one? What about when a kid gives a friendly smile to the kid who always gets bullied?
Well, there are the obvious ones: evolutionarily beneficial responses. Still transactions, unconsciously working for the benefit of the species.
The others are more selfish. Obviously not angry or malicious, but they convey certain clear benefits for little to no effort. Definitely transactional.
Just because they are transactions, however, doesn't mean you have to weigh them in terms of some sort of emotional "profit", or they're in any way unwanted. It's just a way of talking about them, even modelling them for study.