I have a similar feeling, but with modern smartphones. Owning my computer is still relatively possible. I can build a computer from parts which I can choose, and have a choice in which operating system to install on them. Laptops are slightly more closed, but even on those I can choose the OS myself. Modern smartphones however, seem like walled gardens in which I have no control at all. I cannot choose any of the par…
I'll play the (intentional) Devil's Advocate here to present an alternative viewpoint. I like iOS, but not Android. Let me explain why. I personally love Linux, Unix philosophy (I'm even sometimes an old beardy zealot about POSIX standards and the old way ), and inherent customization possibilities. On the other hand, I don't want to manage my phone like a desktop or laptop computer, or a server because of a plethora…
You mention setup & forget, that's how probably 98-99% of Android phones operate. Same for me, all the people and family I know. Initial install&setup after purchase, and then just running 1-click updates if one chooses to. After 3-4 years, switch to another one.
Hardware is +-same, what differences there are are invisible to user (apart from basic things like dual sims and memory card slots, which Apple lacks desperately... and bigger zoom for photos). Some like the smooth Apple UI, some feel they have the same on Android, most don't care. Some care about privacy which Apple seems to be the champion, most of the world simply doesn't care and isn't even aware. Some realize privacy is an illusion even with Apple, if you are 95% of the world that lives outside USA, various 3-letter agencies can do whatever they want and abuse your data in numerous ways without any recourse.
Its all relative, the most important is if one is happy with whatever one has and doesn't have unrealistic expectations.