How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

Sorry if this seems like a nitpick-- but giving way too advanced social advice to people is one of my pet peeves.

Talking to girls in the grocery store or strangers in the subway is horrible advice here. Doubly so because you gave it in the context of actually meeting people, not just practicing sociability.

Remember who you're writing to. For someone with bad English, low confidence, and little social life that's not a good way to make friends. It's a good recipe for getting a lot of rejection, very fast. This is, uh, probably not the optimal strategy for the OP.

Seriously, this isn't some sales guy in a new city. He's a lonely person with "growing ... self-hatred towards [him]self". He should be making friends in the most boring, effective, straightforward way possible.

Your next advice is very solid though. Hanging out with coworkers and going to meetups is exactly what he should be doing.

I second having roommates. I'm terrible at meeting new friends but have pretty substantial social networks stemming from random roommates off of Craigslist. The best man at my wedding was a Craigslist roommate, who was very much a social connector. Much of my social network when I moved to another city was from his college friends, and another group here was another roommate from Craigslist's friends.

Look for good roommates. The more social the better. I also was similarly uncomfortable with roommates, commuted to college, lived alone, and one day in my early 20's I made a choice to deliberately do things that make me uncomfortable and it changed my life forever.

Step out of your comfort zone. Its the only thing that will change your situation.

Having suffered this, I will comment based on what I've done that I feel works.

- Join social groups. I went on Meetup, local college sites, did Google searches for things I was interested in by area, went to logical hangouts for that stuff (gaming shops, hobby shops, maker hangouts, ect...) If you are diligent, you will soon find yourself with more to do than you have time for.

- Rarely say no. If you are hesitant or nervous about a social situation, particularly one w/ new people, ignore that and participate. You will meet people much more slowly if you only accept social situations where you're comfortable.

- Smile. Many people have what I would describe as a non-approachable resting face (worried, mean, nervous, ect..). Folks who might talk decide not to because they expect you will respond poorly. People also interpret smiling as confidence. They will be more likely to smile back at you (oddly, this seems to make me more happy myself) As a corollary to the above, also try to project openness (open arms, calm/interested sitting posture, ect..).

- Say "hello", "what's up", ect... to everybody and pay attention to the answer. The most wonderful thing most people can talk about is themselves. Let them, and then Ask Questions. Conversations are like ping-pong, they cannot survive unless people serve and then return serves

- Learn people's names and then use their name when you talk to them. The most wonderful thing they can hear is their own name.

- Work offhand compliments into your speech. True for female or male. Nice hairstyle, excellent choice of clothes, ect.. Only things where they've made a choice or developed a skill that then worked out well in your estimate (ie, not natural features). Effectively complimenting their judgement while showing you're interested in them

- Look people in the eye. It is extremely difficult to establish a connection or communicate interest without looking people in the eye. People who don't are viewed as shifty or evasive. You're not staring, but when you say something, look the person you're saying it to in the eyes.

- Get in shape. Aerobic exercise gets you out, looking healthy, and is another form of social contact. It also keeps weight low, which affects features like facial fat and general desirability. For Anaerobic exercise, women are biologically programmed to find certain physical features interesting, develop them. Good self image also helps build self confidence

- Find good rolemodels. If you want to be charismatic, find people who are charismatic. Its much easier to develop effective habits with good examples

- Grind charisma and confidence. All things require practice. You should try to talk to people at every opportunity. Also pay attention to effective things people do. (Perhaps a co-worker who grabs everyone's attention at a meeting or a friend who effortlessly strikes up a conversation with a stranger) Note and then practice those techniques.

What happens after August? Does the internship end and your visa expires or were you able to secure yourself a permanent job in the US? The reason I ask, is because, if the time is limited, your options are even more so. Meeting people is one thing. Even having a fling or two is a very realistic possibility time-wise. But making friends or any friend at all that is worth half a penny, takes time. It could happen, but it is not something that you do or that you make happen. We say we make friends, but we really don't. We find each other, after lots of interactions with all sorts of people. There is beauty in it, but in reality it's usually quite messy. There's no algorithm, no code, no debugging. There's heated arguments, lighthearted fun, fights, all is game. But when you care about someone enough not to want to lose that person, and he/she also feels the same way, you know you have a friend (sometimes a partner). Friends forgive you if you are being an idiot. You usually have to apologize though. You put yourself out there and sometimes you get hurt or really mad. Other times, you just get to experience the wonders of true friendship.

But, I have to ask you (rhetorically), what have you been thinking? (And now the part where I answer my own question) I am making an assumption here so feel free to call me out on it, but my feeling is that you didn't think making friends was really that important. You see something now, that maybe you didn't before, and you suddenly want that. I had a conversation with a cousin of mine long ago, and he was smart (in school), but he didn't have any friends. And so once I told him, to forget about lots of the idealistic stuff he had going on in his mind all the time, and to make friends, because there lies real value. That was very sad to see, but then again, that was his choice and we are accountable for the choices we make.

Now, I am not saying you are like my cousin, but I bet my right arm and leg that you had more than one chance during your stay in college or at work, to make friends. But you didn't. So you really need to ask yourself why and not make any more excuses if you really want to change that.

As someone else suggested, at your age, most people have already made their friends and are not likely to invest in making new friends. Acquaintances sure, but for friends, that train is gone (mostly). But do you know why? It's not because of a first come, stacking kind of logic, where once the stack is full, you're done. It's because becoming friends with someone can be exhausting emotionally, and most people tend to have some resistance after twenty-plus years of trials and errors. It's not the same with finding a partner, since people of all ages are looking for a partner, so that is actually much easier.

If you are serious about wanting real friends, be ready to work for two.

People you hang out with just when you feel like it, are not friends. They are more like acquaintances. Friends are those people you hang out with even when you don't feel like (in many occasions). I don't want to turn this into a discussion about acquaintances and the different types of friendships though. All I am saying here is that you are not a friend with someone because it is convenient. I hope I could get this point across.

Next up: language. Honestly without hearing you speak, there isn't much to say, but you can write fairly well. I am also guessing that you can understand everything people say to you when they speak. If that is the case, as long as you don't speak in an incomprehensible way, people won't care much. Still, it's good to work on improving how you sound and to be both modest and confident. People tend to shy away from people who lack confidence (and from those with too much of it also, although not always). There's a book called American Accent Training, with a nice American flag adorning the cover! For Asians that talk in a non-flowing manner, it can be of great help.

BTW, conversation is not about how you pronounce something, but about what you do and how you do it. Listen and show genuine care, or to put it bluntly, "give a damn". Learn to do this constantly. Don't try to fool people. If your interest is not genuine, a real relationship will not come out of it.

Don't give up ever, act, and things will happen. Maybe not tomorrow, but then it is just a matter of time, and time is still on your side.

Instead of "ditching friends", my approach to flakey people has been to mass invite people. I've ended up with a core of about 4-5 very reliable folks for any type of event I'd invite them to, and the rest can go or be louts and stay at home if they want (ok, only a few folks do this, the rest just overbook their time).

EDIT: A note: There are a couple folks that I've effectively ditched. I no longer take their schedules into consideration because they were such a PITA. Folks: If people invite you to things every week because you tell them you want to be invited, and you never show, don't feel hurt when they stop considering your schedule. Pouty friends are annoying friends. Annoying friends cease to be friends.