I'm addicted to being useful

Post by tclancy » Thu, Jan 22, 2026, 1:54 AM UTC

lr4444lr wrote: post #277

tclancy wrote: post #7

> I don’t mind the ways in which my job is dysfunctional, because it matches the ways in which I myself am dysfunctional As a fellow traveller, I offer one caution: learn to turn this down in personal relationships as it can be counterproductive. It took decades for my wife to finally get through and explain not every problem she voices is something that needs a solution. Some times people just want to be heard. It b…

Counterpoint - she should have known what she was getting into marrying an engineer. It cones with the territory.

Post by BadBadJellyBean » Thu, Jan 22, 2026, 7:56 AM UTC

65 wrote: post #237

BadBadJellyBean wrote: post #224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Corporate environments are almost always toxic places to fulfill your emotional needs Luckily the only emotional need my work fulfills is getting money.

Seems like a torturous way to spend 8 hours a day if you only enjoy it for the money. Do you at least _like_ you job?

Post by y-curious » Thu, Jan 22, 2026, 12:37 PM UTC

pdimitar wrote: post #76

y-curious wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There’s an old adage that is very important to logical people (as software engineers are, for example). “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” My wife wants to throw out our perfectly functional table to get a better looking one. Financially and practically, I am right in fighting this. Is a few hundred bucks worth making someone aesthetically-minded not feel satisfied? No, you have to pick your battle…

That really depends if you like (or are mostly indifferent to) the new table. If you hate it then it becomes a game of "who of us two is more important to satisfy with a table". Definitely not a position you want to be in. Relationships must be two-way streets, always. I have made quite a lot of concessions for my wife for the current rented flat -- simply because I did not care about 99% of the things she wanted to…

Post by lazarus01 » Thu, Jan 22, 2026, 7:41 PM UTC

metabagel wrote: post #206

lazarus01 wrote: post #66

It’s great to be useful as living for your purpose is the best way to achieve life satisfaction. But it’s important to establish boundaries and avoid developing codependency and not to define yourself through the perception of your acts towards others. Having a skill that helps others gives you a sense of mastery. The fact that you have this skill and apply it in good faith should be enough to establish a good sense…

Yes, equanimity is a great quality to possess. It means that you never get too high or too low. When things are really going your way, you know that things can change for the worse. Yet you can be content. When things are not going your way, you know that things can change for the better. And you can be content. This doesn't mean that you don't try to achieve anything. It means that you can still be content whether y…

Post by rendx » Sat, Jan 24, 2026, 7:17 AM UTC

bflesch wrote: post #310

rendx wrote: post #283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're finding comforting explanations to allow you to act dismissively towards other people. I understand this is a strategy that is popular these days, but maybe consider how another fellow human will feel when you "don't give them a reason why you stop interacting, you just leave", and judge what they tell you as "toxic waste"; and how you might be the one to make it worse for them (and yourself). If you mentalize…

> You're finding comforting explanations to allow you to act dismissively towards other people. No, none of this is comforting. For some people it is a big step to not drop everything just because someone is waiting for the bus and wants to have a 15 minute phone call in order to de-stress their own day. > If you feel worn out after listening to other people, that's one way to avoid that, at the expense of human conn…