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What really happens inside a dating app

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Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#311

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> This kind of advice only works if you’re not interested in a woman who works. Personally, I don't want a woman that works because I travel and I'd rather she travel fulltime with me. However, in my experience, latinas and asians are some of the hardest working women you'll ever meet. They seek out education and a lot of them want careers. they just arent' super entrepreneurial. Thats more about the culture they com…

How much of what you want is really representative of what an average American man wants? You want to travel fulltime, probably don't want kids, and are okay with a woman regardless of her income. It's a very niche target you're aiming at. Most people want kids, most people want someone who works, and most people don't want to travel fulltime. Your advice really seems tailored to you and no one else.

Do you realize how hard is with the price of childcare to have a woman who works and have kids?

In my circle of professionals, most wives with small kids don’t work and even many of the wives that do work, the husbands can afford for them not to work. One entire income goes to things like college funds, investments, vacations, etc.

But you said in another reply that you made $700K and you really still need to worry about having a wife that works or her income?

I’ve travel full time for a year when I was making $225K with my wife and next year we plan to travel at least through the summer.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#313

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which is why you need to take away the mirage so they stop chasing it and go find actual water. Having them leave the app isn't any worse than having them never like anyone they could actually land. Having the ones with impossible standards go malign your competitors could even be to your advantage, because then the competing apps get a higher proportion of the women who never reply, whereas the thing you need to mak…

if women left the app, guys would leave. possibility of connecting with women is what's being sold to paying customers on dating apps. Without ladies, the men leaves and the app dies.

It isn't all women who leave, it's the ones who refuse to have anything to do with men in the same percentile as they are themselves. And you couldn't sell that to men anyway.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#314

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He wants a wife that will be both attractive, loving, AND pulling in a $500k+ salary. While I personally think it’s a pretty bad way to live life and I more agree with your overall stance (my wife is American but she is second generation immigrant from an Asian country and I can quite appreciate the difference in culture you are hinting at, thankfully she grew up with strong values from her parents more consistent wi…

I didn't put any of those specific requirements out there. I've said a professional working woman. If she made $500k+/yr, that'd be very nice but I don't think that's even remotely plausible for someone of my looks. I've known several women who fit that criterion and all have expressed that I'm way below their looks threshold. Women at or above that income tend to get exactly what they want from a partner. I've yet t…

You also said that you would want a wife who could have your back it you lost your job and help pay $20K a month mortgage for a $7 million dollar home.

I hate to tell you. But really attractive women don’t have to work.

And you are going to be single for a long time…

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#315

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As far as I know, you're also not spending $3m+ on a home. Even at $700k/yr income, I still need another income to afford a decent bay area home unless I want to live on the absolute razors edge. It also means that if I lose my work, we're completely fucked and I better find another job very fast. That $20k/month you gotta pay for the home ain't gonna disappear on its own. I too could live in a world of not needing a…

> Even at $700k/yr income Then don’t live in the Bay Area? I make less than a 3rd of that and live in a nice condo with multiple bars in walking distance - including one downstairs, restaurant downstairs, multiple pools, two gyms. Max out my 401K and HSA and we have over a dozen trips planned this year including a few to see family. But most just to check things off of our bucket list. We are flying out to Las Vegas…

Again, your lifestyle might work for you but it doesn't work for everyone. What you want is to travel a lot and nowhere do you mention anything about kids. If you're wanting to make sure your kids have every option available, they need to have the option of feeder schools like Harker. If you're serious about providing options to your kids, you're gonna have a hard time getting away from these very expensive regions and therefore needing a high income that most remote options won't provide.

If I didn't give a shit about the future of my kids, I could live in BFE or travel a lot too.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#316

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Your advice really seems tailored to you and no one else. not at all. yes I have specific needs in a partner but there are plenty of women in colmobia, mexico and elsewhere that would be happy to live in the united states and start a family. my partner and I discussed it and she's happy to do so when the time is right. She's young enough that we have plenty of time. by all means, if you like the attitudes of americ…

He wants a wife that will be both attractive, loving, AND pulling in a $500k+ salary. While I personally think it’s a pretty bad way to live life and I more agree with your overall stance (my wife is American but she is second generation immigrant from an Asian country and I can quite appreciate the difference in culture you are hinting at, thankfully she grew up with strong values from her parents more consistent wi…

> He wants a wife that will be both attractive, loving, AND pulling in a $500k+ salary.

And if she has all of that, why would she date “down”? She can pick anyone she wants. I don’t know anything about the parent commenter. He said he was “unattractive” and I assume lacks self confidence. I’m in no way trying to criticize him.

And if he were born “poor” (again his words), he probably still comes across as someone who has “imposters syndrome”. Women can smell someone who lacks self confidence a mile away.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#317

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Even at $700k/yr income Then don’t live in the Bay Area? I make less than a 3rd of that and live in a nice condo with multiple bars in walking distance - including one downstairs, restaurant downstairs, multiple pools, two gyms. Max out my 401K and HSA and we have over a dozen trips planned this year including a few to see family. But most just to check things off of our bucket list. We are flying out to Las Vegas…

Again, your lifestyle might work for you but it doesn't work for everyone. What you want is to travel a lot and nowhere do you mention anything about kids. If you're wanting to make sure your kids have every option available, they need to have the option of feeder schools like Harker. If you're serious about providing options to your kids, you're gonna have a hard time getting away from these very expensive regions a…

How’s your lifestyle working out for you right now? Are you happy?

Don’t you think it is strange that you make $700K a year and can’t find the same sort of contentment that many have making literally 20% of what you make?

Guess how many kids lead fulfilling lives without getting into prestigious “feeder schools”.

Do you really want your kids to also be chasing money and status like you seem to be doing at the expense of their happiness?

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#318

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Retention is a terrible metric for a dating app. The "perfect" dating app would have a 0% retention rate since the first person you meet would be your "ideal partner". A terrible metric for the users . For the shareholders, the perfect dating app is one where the users are strung along for their whole lives, paying for a subscription but never finding anything permanent.

This is why you fundamentally cannot fix dating apps without changing the incentives around dating apps. The only incentives that modern apps have today is to, as you said, string users along, just frustrated enough that they can't leave, but not frustrated enough to quit outright. There are ways to fix it, but you have to fundamentally restructure how the app works. Instead of subscriptions, the app has to be paid u…

The only other option would be to have one run by a non-profit organisation.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#319

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Again, your lifestyle might work for you but it doesn't work for everyone. What you want is to travel a lot and nowhere do you mention anything about kids. If you're wanting to make sure your kids have every option available, they need to have the option of feeder schools like Harker. If you're serious about providing options to your kids, you're gonna have a hard time getting away from these very expensive regions a…

How’s your lifestyle working out for you right now? Are you happy? Don’t you think it is strange that you make $700K a year and can’t find the same sort of contentment that many have making literally 20% of what you make? Guess how many kids lead fulfilling lives without getting into prestigious “feeder schools”. Do you really want your kids to also be chasing money and status like you seem to be doing at the expense…

Your fallacy is thinking that all of these kids are miserable. I know a lot of these children and they're very happy. They work reasonably hard in school but then after they get out of school - everything is so incredibly easy. They went to the right schools from an early age which allowed them to get into target colleges which lead to target jobs and good marriages from college or from being in the right social circle (which target school+job allows).

It's mostly people like me who have grinded to high incomes that are the miserable ones. We have had to struggle at each step and had no one to help us at any point in our journey. I struggle to meet anyone with my background in any of the social circles I'm in. (In fact, I never have)

They're welcome to go down different paths. It's about giving them the options from an early age. I never had the option to go to an Ivy League (which would've made my life such a joke in comparison) because I was born into an incredibly poor and unknown area.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#320

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How’s your lifestyle working out for you right now? Are you happy? Don’t you think it is strange that you make $700K a year and can’t find the same sort of contentment that many have making literally 20% of what you make? Guess how many kids lead fulfilling lives without getting into prestigious “feeder schools”. Do you really want your kids to also be chasing money and status like you seem to be doing at the expense…

Your fallacy is thinking that all of these kids are miserable. I know a lot of these children and they're very happy. They work reasonably hard in school but then after they get out of school - everything is so incredibly easy. They went to the right schools from an early age which allowed them to get into target colleges which lead to target jobs and good marriages from college or from being in the right social circ…

This was my question:

> Are you happy? Don’t you think it is strange that you make $700K a year and can’t find the same sort of contentment that many have making literally 20% of what you make?

You are worried about your potential children being “happy” when you can’t find anyone to procreate with to create children. “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.”

You’ve worked hard, make good money and still seem to be miserable. Just maybe the answer isn’t money?

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